"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we areas my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we areas my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

******

Time flies so fast. It seemed like only yesterday I posted about August to end. And here comes September, already gone. Despite the unpleasant surprises August had left me, September left me otherwise. What I am feeling right now is beyond words to explain. I am so happy. I am happy that two worlds I love have finally met and the outcome is far way my expectation. I cant stop thanking God enough for being my strength always even if at times, what my mind says my heart rebels. I sure know am not alone in life’s real battle.

Have you tried eating too much and you feel like you are gonna throw up everything you have eaten? Have you tried being forced to eat what is placed on the table even if you cannot eat it anymore? Have you tried being told to eat this for lunch then later decided to change the menu? This is exactly what I am feeling right now at work. Almost everyday workflows are changed. And they expect you to remember everything, eat everything. Well, I am sorry if I cannot live up to your standards sometimes. There is some days that you tend to forget the workflow. Fine, admittedly it is partly my fault. But gosh, its human nature! I don’t know why I am so affected this time. Maybe it is because there are certain things that I have wanted to do but was stopped.

Three more months and 2005 will be gone. If I try to look back what accomplishments I have made since the year started, uhm nothing! Aack, nothing so remarkable happened. Only turned 25 last Monday. Tsk, Life is a bitch and then we die.

I hope tomorrow my mood will be better. And I cant wait for Saturday to come. I hope everything goes well with the plan. I really am looking forward to that gathering.

I am officially 25 years old, the ideal age I wanted to get married. But as time flies, that idealism is far from happening because I am having a great time with each day I spend with the people I love.

I cant be more grateful than be blessed with a family who have continuously showed their love to me no matter how stubborn I am at times, if not always. I wanna thank them for not losing their trust on me. I have had the crown of trust since I started to go to school. I wish that I would remain trustworthy not only to them but to everybody for the rest of my life.

My birthday celebration is one hell of a leap this year. During the previous celebrations, I had been spending it with family and friends. But yesterday, I spent it with a newfound family. A family I wish would last for a lifetime. I had a lunch out with Archie and his parents. It is so loving and endlessly happy to know that I am so much welcome in their family. It wasnt our first lunch together. We used to have the same lunch fiesta in Baguio. But yesterday was different. I felt it was home. I couldnt wish for more but everything to be at a steady pace. I wish I could stop the clock and just spend the day with them endlessly. Its funny how I shared moments with Archie when dining out. It is so coincidental that she has the same complains about her husband. Archie and me are like their younger generation. I talk a lot, so is she while Dad is timid.

It is odd that I should thank about a hurtful past but what the heck, it opened the future more firm and tested. If the past had not happened, I or should I say we, would not have a more solid foundation right now to face and prepare for the future.

I wish that everything would come in order, as God wants it to. Right now, I am surrounded with people who love me dearly. I know that there are still storms coming right ahead but I sure know I am not alone to face it.

Thank you all for those who greeted and who will still greet me on my birthday.

P.S.
I am working right now. What a loser I am! This is the price I pay for being so happy yesterday. Sigh, its okay.

By the way, I really had a pig out this weekend. I must go back to my normal eating regimen.

Hola! I need some help from you guys. My head is spinning around worrying too much of my future, which I am not supposed to cause it is Gods own worry. It is His worry but of course, we have to do our part as well. I wanna go back to school. I wanna teach. I just feel this is my calling. With almost 2 years of job immobility, I feel the need of a new environment, something more permanent.

Can somebody advise what to do? See, I wanna get education units to further qualify me to teach. The thing is, I am specifically interested in teaching Biology. I am not a Bio graduate instead Communication Arts. So I dont know if I need to study full time for Bio or just some major subjects to get. If this would be tedious, then I can stick with teaching English subject or any Communication Arts major subject. Still, I need to know what subjects I need to get and later on take the LET exam. Whew! I wanna have a PRC ID. Right now, it is really an option for me. I am not getting any younger and I would like to prepare for a long-term goal, a job I can do for a long period of time while starting my own family *wink*

Any advice would be much much appreciated!

ayan! hehehe

This letter will always have an impact to whoever relates to it. It is very inspiring.

A Letter To the One that God has Prepared For Me

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is!

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!

I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.

After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.

But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would s lowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

Contributed by Alma Alvarez

Shared by Joe Gatuslao

Bacolod City, Philippines

Hi, it has been days since I last posted here. I just got back from a 3-day weekend vacation. I hope it lasted longer but of course, it would be impossible. Except if I don’t intend to go back to work.

A lot of realizations have been made lately. Things that made me understand how life turns out. The least things we expect to be shaken can blow out of proportion at times. And I thought, I would never be able to get out of it nor solve it to be exact. I have learned a lot of things that I had not known only when things had to happen. I can still say that I am blessed with a very supportive family and friends who have been there to be with me. Anyway, it is over and done with. I am happier now.

I feel for Archie. He is not happy with his job anymore. Yeah, what is more terrible than feel unappreciated with what you do? This is one of the reasons why mostly skilled workers fly off the country because they are not given any value at all. He said that we would just put up our own company under the condition that he will be the chairman of the board. I don’t mind as long as I set the rule. The must rule is that: all employed people should be married, loyal ones to be specific. And if they intend to philander, they get fired instantly! Hehehe. Rule is a rule. haaay

A few minutes left and the month of August will finally come to its end. If only I could fast forward and close it now, I would. August had never left me empty-handed. It always surprises me. Every year, something terrible happens to me on this month. If I am not on my most broke condition, I am emotionally hurt due to circumstances. I really don’t understand why it happens every August. Was I cursed? It has been a routine on my part. Nothing good pays me this month. Except that I am able to surpass those trials and learn from it. Good enough after all. hehehe. Now, I am sick. What makes it look better than leave me sick? Sigh.

A brand new month is minutes away from now. Merry Christmas. Yeah, as early as September I greet people happy holidays. Also, it is Baguio City day. I miss my second home. I cant push my butt to go there. Since I worked here, I have never gone to visit. Maybe because almost all my life, I have stayed there. I know where to go with my eyes closed. If I get tired here, I will surely go back there for good. I never thought of staying nor living here for good. This is what I wanna believe but of course, I cant foretell my future.

I cant compose myself really well. All I want is this month to be over…

This thing bugging me is gonna lead me to the dungeon if I dont do something to stop it. I am so freakin tired figuring out what makes my heart so numb. And I am afraid that even my relationship with him is dragged to this giant wall to boredom.

I dont know what happened to me. I feel like a ultra-violet ray had hit me and now I am feeling mal-functions on my heart. Fantastic! Hehehe. All of a sudden I feel frozen. Like in science, we have the process where aerobic things need carbon dioxide and releases oxygen. That is a fact and natural. As for me, the simile is that I tend to select only the emotion that would fit in my heart. And sadly, all that is filtered are just mere sadness, incompetence, boredom, negation and what not.

Maybe I am simply not happy anymore with what I do. The weather is fine so I cant have any other excuse for a reason. I feel like there is no more spice in my life. Everything is done so routinely. Maybe I need some change. An amusement park would be an answer, or a getaway somewhere. Aaah, I dont know. But what is definite is that it does not intend to leave my heart soon. How sad could that be?

My friend came over tonight for dinner and I slept instead of seeing her. I am so not me nowadays. I dont want the day to come and I will regret losing people close to me just because of this unexplainable thing going on. I sound so dramatic or give a big of a deal about it but hey, I dont know how else to say. Can someone slap me please?

***
I dont know if this is worth writing but I will share it anyway. On my way home a lady approached me and handed a piece of paper with a picture of a globe and a hand. The text read: sino nga ba talaga ang pinuno ng sanlibutan? Oh yes, you got it perfectly right. It was one of the afternoon encounters with the followers of a certain sect, which would be close to Jehovah (I am not sure).

After reading the novel Da Vinci code, I was stunned. I was jaw-dropped with the stuffs I had read. May it be true or not, such an idea is fathomless. Whew! Now I wonder what is true from not. There was line I read that meant history is a single-sided story. I kind of thought it is somewhat true. We never get to read the other side of the story.

Well, it had sort of stirred my mind. I know this is an argumentative topic. I have been exposed to a lot of religions and I respect each. The only thing that I am certain about is that the church will not save us. It is our faith and deeds. Does that make sense?

Then bonding w/ friends


My heart is in my hands
My head is in the clouds
My feet have left the ground
My life is turning around and round
And every voice inside my head is telling me to run like mad

Aaack! I am singing my heart out here and still this boredom and random loneliness is not getting out of my system real soon. I miss my old friends in Carnival. I miss the bonding. I miss loud moments of laughter, humiliation and still end up perfectly where we started. Despite the work pressure then, we can still manage to laugh it out and bug each other to death. But now, I dont feel so home at times. Not that I really care but of course, it is a matter of choice. Some sort of a wall is blocking me to grow. Sigh. Just de-stressing.

I had been watching the movies I missed to see on the theatres for the past weeks (if not months).

Fantastic Four: It ended too soon. The plot was obvious that it will surely have a sequel. I like Johnny Storm. He is hot! Hehehe. The movie was more of a prologue.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: This movie was a hit because of the stars. Other than that, no reason to watch. The plot was muddled. Maybe viewers got overwhelmed by the stars and forgot what the story was all about. When the stars were fanning sporadic gunfire to the enemies came to an abrupt halt, the story ended. Just like that without even telling if the main man they are actually after was included in the ambush. Really, the story is messy. Sigh.

Batman Begins: It could have been nicer if the actor was not Christian Bale. I dont like em. He looks so stiff in the movie or maybe he was tasked to portray such. Still, I dont find him fit for the role. Here comes Rachel Dawes. True, I like Katie Holmes. But in this movie, she looks terribly awful. There are certain angles or facial expression that makes her look unpretty. Hehehe. Anyway, that doesnt have anything to do with how I liked her in DC.

If Only: I have been hearing everybody react that this movie is such a click, and that they cried watching it. Hmm, maybe I had expected too much when I watched it myself. I didnt cry at all. The movie is a low-budgeted film with stars only the main characters act. Yeah, the movie is sweet. But it could have been sweeter if they both died in the end. Better yet, since the cab driver was the villain after all, he should have done something to atleast save those lovebirds out of that car accident. Since it was a re-lived act and movie watchers are intrigued on what will happen, it could have been something worth the waiting. But alas, it was a tragic ending.

These are my own point of views. You are entitled of your own. Cheers!

I have constantly denied what I am feeling for days now. Maybe this is what Mikee called in her blog as mild depression. Hell yes, I am mildly depressed. Lowered because of unclear reasons.

I feel so fixated on what I do everyday. Yeah, I sound mushy but I really am sad. You may ask, what more to ask? I have my family, boyfriend, friends, and a job. But sometimes, I still feel something else is missing, something that would uplift my spirit. I know I dont make sense but there are just things that I came across with which unexpectedly surprised me. It had certainly kept my attention really dig into it and now I cant stop thinking about it. It is something that deprived me of the right to be respected as me if not as a person.

If there were one thing I would like to change about my attitude, it would be my being so sensitive in scrutinizing everything. This is one character I had strongly adapted during my media career days. I tend to feel like I am betrayed if I find out that other people are fooling me. I hate it when people look down at you and underestimate you, like a no-brainer to even notice. It really freaks me out.

I am sad that I dont feel so motivated to do what I do. Like at the end of the day, whatever I have done, no accomplishment at all. There is nothing to boast my confidence. I dont have a single clue why I am feeling like this. I hope it is because of the weather.

Right now, I am doing my best to rev myself up. I am diverting my attention to reading books. Yes, I am not as addict as others may be in reading. But I must say it takes a mood for me to start reading one. Actually, I kind of not like the smell of book pages that makes me quit easily. Tsk. At least in books, I can exercise my brain once in a while and think unlike what I do now. I hope someday, somehow I will find happiness that would make me proud. Argh!

I dont know if this is just mere coincidence but I came to realize that friends around me are (still) single on their late/r years :) no offense meant. I am not Dr. Love neither the expert. I am just trying to iron out the possible reasons that barred them to having a relationship.

True enough, life is a roller coaster. It is never fair. But having a partner is helpful (in some way) that you have someone to rely on even if the world turns its back on you. Yes, we have friends and of course our ever-loyal families still, we feel certain emptiness inside. A feeling that is beyond the universe can explain neither can a wonder pill heals.

Here are the lists of possible reasons:

One feels unpretty. If we are to tally, this characteristic will get the highest number of votes. Apparently, this may be significant. But come to think of it, physical appearance fades. It surely would not last for a lifetime. And what sucks about this is that it deceives a lot of people. If youre unpretty, others would see you unpretty in and out. People would even disgust you. It pains to know but this is true in the society we exist. We always have to consider what the society is going to say. We always have to act on the way the society would accept it to make us feel we belong.
Lesson: you only have one life to live. Prove the society wrong. If we keep on minding what other people would say, we would absolutely miss a lot. Dont let the physical beauty stop us from being happy with somebody. Of course, it should be a mutual understanding. Meaning, we should treat the same thing to that somebody, not to see him/her unpretty :)

No time for love. Most career-focused people would fall under this. They would reason out that work have been killing so much of their time. True but false. No matter how busy you are, find time to (atleast) meet new people. Yeah, you are free to scuffle my comment cause I myself dont go out. I have my own reasons so bug off! Hehehe. But the irony is that, having that somebody does not happen in 24 hours. It is like a seed planted waiting to grow.
Lesson: pray. this works mind you! :)

Enjoying single hood. No man is an island. Being single is great. But it is greater with somebody to share accomplishments and dreams. That somebody would serve as our inspiration to work more and do well. We often think logically that being single would blame nobody but just us. True again, but it is better to have somebody listen.
Lesson: let go of singleton. Give it a shot!

Afraid of commitment. This is one hell of a reason for people who have been there done that. People who have been torn so many times would have no courage to risk again. Well, life is not a bed of roses. Things happen for a reason. If we were to analyze, what lesson learned on the past would definitely be the foundation to face what is in store now and the future.
Lesson: take the courage to let go of the fear and get a life!

Not over him/her. If you are holding back on that feeling for a long time and you think there is a lean chance of getting back to that somebody, dont let it be the reason to restrict yourself from meeting other people. It would be unfair for you to suffer on it. How sure are you that the other end feels the same way you are? So think again.
Lesson: if you are meant for each other, no matter the distance and time, you will still end up together. For the meantime, go party!

Too late for me. It is never too late. If you think you are pass the calendar age to be dating, dont be! Who set a rule on that? Nobody. So dont feel shamed just because you missed to date would prohibit you from dating now. In this generation especially for women, either they get impregnated during teenage or give birth at early 30s and 40s. Dont feel too sorry for yourself. Somewhere out there, you are not alone.
Lesson: if you are over the courting (I dont know if this is still being practiced) , welcome cyberspace! You would soon realize that there are other people longing for the same thing you are. So go. they are just one chat away!

There you go. These are just some of the insights I have in my head that made me wonder. I know there are hundreds (if not thousands) of reasons for being single. I have not included the reasons such as: religion issues, she/he is affluent and she/he is not, standards-based judgement, etc. these are given situations that would need a different level of attention. hehehe. these are just hypothetical instances in my mind. respect it the way i respect your judgement :)

Well, this is it for me. I hope I made sense after all. Ciao!

Have you ever felt so driven on something in your life? The feeling that you think the world just stops, like no matter how you focus on something else, that thing is so powerful it draws you back to it. It makes you melt, an inspiration, a reason for you to smile. I call that passion. Something that you are crazy about no matter how small or big its value would be.

I know I am not the only one who has passion. Well, I have been watching the Dawson’s creek series and hell yes, I just cant let it go out of my system. Since college I have been watching it. I can well remember that I had a fight with my ex-bf out of that tv show. The sneak preview was on Feb 15, same date as my ex's bday. Hahaha. How insensitive of me. Hehehe. But I didn’t mind. After all, we weren’t together. I was in Baguio and he was here. Sorry, I chose the show over him. Hahaha. Besides, he’s long gone out of my system. LOL!

Going back to my passion, since I have the equipment to use in my tv production class, I didn’t miss to use it over DC. Each episode of season two was recorded on VHS. Yes, I did that. And I still have the copies of it. I regularly buy this foreign magazine called TV HITS, which has updates on the casts, posters, etc. mind you, I cut all of their photos and articles (about DC) and placed it in a clear folder which I keep till now. Well, I wasnt able to do the same routine in the coming seasons due to the obvious reason that I was studying, internship and all. But thanks to a friend who lent his DC collection which I intend to have it burned for my own keeps. And this is the same reason why I am not able to update my blog for sometime now. I am not obsessed of ‘em, am I? It just brings back the kilig in me. Mahal ko si PACEY! Hihihi. Swear, I haven’t been so attached to any unrealistic event. hehehe. This and the Party of Five series had always touched my heart. But of course, my attachment to DC is fathomless. I don’t know if you are appreciating what I am talking about but I know some would have this kind of passion like I do. Just admit it! Hehehe. This may be lame but what the heck!

*****

This coming Sunday (July 31) is the birth date of my dad who passed away 4 years ago. My mom might cook something in memory of her better half. Besides the obvious reason, this is also the day where the family would reunite. Well, that is what makes me feel so sad cause since he died, we never reunited again, and it sucks to know that we only see each other when there are people who leave us. The last time we reunited was when my eldest brother died last year. It is in some point disappointing to have grown and leave the life you have started with your family. Things happen so swiftly that everything ends up to just a memory. Like the saying goes “ nothing is permanent in this world but changes.” True enough, my siblings have grown and now live a life far from home with their own families. I am the only left single so I am no longer that much hopeful that we could still reunite completely.

My mom is somewhat jealous that we feast during dad’s birthday. We always tell her that (we know) she understands more than dad’s. Dad had always been very strict. Nobody could start a conversation with him. It was only me who could do that. Not a father’s daughter, huh. I miss him so much. I always get teary-eyed when I remember him. But now, I want mom to feel the importance, too. I don’t want her to feel belittled just because she is submissive or have wholly dedicated her life as a full time mom to her children. I have planned for something on her birthday but because of the VL block, I think this plan would have to be moved again.

***
I am sick. I had sore throat for 3 days and as expected, if not stopped, would eventually have colds that trigger my asthma. I thought I am gonna have colds. Too bad, it was bypassed. Now I am having this mild asthma attack. So I took medicine last night. Thanks to mom. Sigh, good thing the workweek is over. I have time to rest.

Okay, I hope these entries would sum up all the days I missed to update. Ciao! Have a great weekend you guys!

Thank God tapos na training. Hay! I dont have to mingle with hobbit. Yeah, itago na lang natin siya sa katauhang hobbit. Hindi hobbit na sikat o matalino kundi hobbit na papansin at nonsense. Hehehe. Nakakainis kasi pagmumukha niya. At mga hirit niya e sablay. Sa pagtatapos ng training namin ay sinama ko siya sa ring na tinapon sa bulkan. Hehehe.

*************

I went to the clinic today to have my bp checked. I have been feeling strange lately. Actually, its been a week. My heartbeat has been palpitating. I tolerated it for the passed days but tonight was different. It has been terrible. Some pressure is kind of beating it hard. My bp was checked and it is normal. Weird, so the nurse just gave me a pain reliever. Good thing it worked. If not, I would have gone home cause the beating is really odd. Somehow, I am feeling better. My friend told me that I should take vitamins to supplement my working at night. Arrgh! I just cant practice myself taking vitamin tablets, so big I could hardly swallow. tsk!

*************

Despite the rant I am feeling to hobbit, i got a good news from a friend. I am hoping that everything would fall into place. I cant reveal it yet cause I dont want it spoiled. It is very important to me. All I could ask from you now is pray. I am holding on to the good news...

*************

Today is our 2 years and 2 months with my beloved...to you, Love you!

"ano nga name mo?" isnt it pathetic when a person asks you this? that to think na magkasama kayo sa isang training? as if naman madaming participants. nakakainsulto lang na meron mga taong napaka-insensitive. ilang beses naman natawag name ko para mag-recite. mahirap ba matandaan ang A-B-I? there are small things (to others) that could be big things to others. hay! irita ako. hindi rin lang naman kagwapuhan e ganun pa. siguro nga maliit lang na bagay to pero nakakairita. it is so disappointing sometimes. i think im stuck, to a place where there is no other way out but the ultimate exit, to quit. haaay, maybe this is just one of the unhappy days when I feel sad and low. sana kayanin ko pa. i just want this week to be over!

*********

There are times that I just cant simply think. Yeah, I made a decision to quit school. I am not indecisive of it anymore cause I badly wanted it. It would be unfair for my professor and me to keep on attending her class with my mind frozen. I am having difficulties understanding everything cause I feel mentally and physically tired. I dont know where the problem lies. It could be me or the teacher. Or maybe I was just rejecting it? After class, instead of resting and recall what was taught, I have to go to work. It was my choice after all. Nobody else to blame but me. Though I am grateful to have learned the basics. It would be my foundation of learning it in my own convenient time.

******* *
Things I would do if I were not afraid:

• scuba diving (i always think of the Jaws movie)
• bungee jumping (the cord might just be loose, i'd fall. but i really wanna try this sport)
• hold a snake
• watch a horror flick (i dream of it over and over again)
• physically hurt the one i hate
• embalm a corpse
• make-up artist (of a dead body)
• touch a tiger, lion and a wolf
• live in the woods all alone

I couldn't think of anything more to write. Ciao!

ooohhhkkay...ako naman!

three names you go by:
1. Abi
2. Abs
3. Gail

three screen names you have had:
1. Alyssa_ashley
2. Mducks
3. Wolverine

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes
2. hair
3. feet

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. height
2. teeth (always have braces)
3. front (hehehe)

three parts of your heritage:
1. Filipino
2. Spanish
3. Spanish ulit...hihihi

three things that scare you:
1. any creature crawling
2. thunder and lightning
3. dying ugly (hahaha)

three of your everyday essentials:
1. cellphone
2. wallet
3. lip balm

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. boyz 2 men
2. the corrs
3. the company

three of your favorite songs:
1. for all of my life
2. thank God I found you
3. you've changed my life in a moment

three things you want in a relationship:
1. God-centered
2. trust
3. understanding

three lies and truths in no particular order:
lies:
1. somethin bad happens to you when you sneeze before leaving the house..LOL
2. life is a bed of roses.
3. the world is flat...hahaha

truth:
1. there are things in life that we can't simply have, the best thing we could do is to accept it.
2. water is tasteless...hihihi
3. after today comes tomorrow!

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. nose
2. lips
3. butt

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. sleeping (it has become my hobby...LOL)
2. internet
3. sleep again

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. lie down and sleep
2. delete all my bills (if only)
3. be thrifty

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. journalist/host
2. lawyer
3. photographer

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. egypt
2. nepal
3. paris

three kids names you like:
1. alexandra
2. francis
3. alyssa

three things you want to do before you die:
1. see the great wonders of the world
2. own a farm
3. able to help the people i love

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. im a WWE fan and love watching extreme games
2. i dont love shopping much as other girls do
3. i have the skill in doing technical stuffs...kalikot ng mga appliances...LOL

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. i consume a lot of time dressing up
2. i look at the mirror every chance i get
3. can't go out without spraying on a perfume

three celeb crushes:
1. Al Pacino
2. Andy Garcia
3. Adam Garcia

my turn to tag:
kayo, na nagbabasa nito!

Hopeless. I couldnt think of anything more appropriate to describe the current situation of our country. People had gone mad, the nth time now. It is so frustrating that each day we dont progress to something better but to worse instead. How else are we going to battle life with these controversies? It is so shameful to other countries at some point. I thought while browsing the net for jobs abroad, if they would give attention to my resume. I wonder what they think if they read Philippines? I feel like it is not such a good reference to have come from the Philippines. But talk about skills, I know Filipinos are impressive.

I feel sad about these things. Here at work, we are like nomads to reality outside. I must say, call center industry is one of the companies standing still for now. Though I cant be sure up to when.

I have been so disturbed with the issues for the past few days. I know, im just one of the million population of our country. This just shows that im concerned after all. I maybe a wanderer at work but I have my future to look forward to. Thus, I have been diligently looking for other options, better ones.

Right now, Epifanio De Los Santos Avenue is filling up with a crowd of protesters, advocates and what not. I just hope that these people know what they are rallying for. I bet most of them are there just to maki-usisa with the front liners of various organizations and see celebrities and public figures as well.

How is PGMA now? Isnt ironic that amidst the diffusion of palpable issues about her, she is facing it all by herself. Her family left for the US instead of staying with her. I know I shouldnt meddle but I just cant help to see whats going on. After all, im a part of this country, banana republic. She does not want to resign cause she wants to follow the judicial process. Heller? did she do that when Erap was ousted? tsk. Maybe GMA is thinking that she is clever to cheat. Sadly, someone is more clever than her.Like what they say, if you commit a crime, make sure not to leave any evidence. That is her biggest mistake. She left traces (but not literally).

Amongst all the cabinet members and other high-profile people who spoke on national television, only Ramos did not deliver the same advise as the rest. Instead of asking PGMA to resign, he advised her to change the government to federal instead. Whoa! This is going to be a major chaos. How the heck are they going to educate millions of Filipinos about this? Roughly 60 to 70% of the people belong to the poverty line. The rest of it goes to the middle class and the elites. Family planning nga hirap i-educate mga common people, what more about a parliamentary government.

The other day Rona and me went to have breakfast in chowking. Surprisingly, their serving had gone little. The siomai we used to order had 4 pieces. Now, it only has 3. We started to question where the other siomai went. Sigh, it surely went to the tax expansion. Tsk.

Could it be the end of the world? In the bible it said that there would be a time that the waiting will be over. There used to be billboards in EDSA about God. Just a few lines as if the message really came from the Highness. I saw once somewhere between Boni and Guadalupe.

Over all, whatever issues we have right now may it be personal or national…I hope that in the end we will find peace.

it has been over 24 hours and the same "want" is on my head. im trying to observe if this "want" is just something that will eventually pass. but i think this time its different. i couldnt fight the urge. the calling is really pulling me hard. what could be on your mind? hehehe

well, i have been jotting down in my head the priorities i should be facing. before, i used to tell myself that i dont want to work abroad. i said that i will only go there as a tourist. but things are bound to change. i dont have the same reason now. this time, im very much decided to try it outside. i mean, work miles away. this is the "want" that continuously bugs me. i have put into chain all the pressure i had been thinking lately and this served as an awakening. i have been so laid back and have nully ignored to work my brains out to prepare for my future. im not getting any younger and with the circus going on with our politics, i dont think we can recover nor repair damages instantly. more importantly, i dont want to wake up one day leaving myself empty-handed just paying high prices of commodities plus plus tax.

as much as i am young and single, and since i have tested my independence, i want to try it out in a bigger world where my boundaries freely surround me. this is going to be a major leap on my life. the questions: where and when? i dont know. i am patiently waiting for His answer.

**************
MUST HAVES: the properties where i strictly impose my rules :)
A. In my bed:

• pillows
• blanket (it should not be wrinkled and color should match with the rest)
• throw pillow, either my kim possible or power puff (cant sleep without hugging it)
• eye patch
• cellphone
• nothing else

B. In my wallet:

• credit cards
• atm card
• id cards (sss, medicard, etc)
• photo of me and my beloved
• cedula
• membership cards
• cash of course

C. In my bag:

• umbrella
• cellphone
• wallet
• fan
• cologne
• my mini-clinique make-up kit for travelling (i rarely use it, only during occasions)
• face powder
• comb
• lip balm (really a MUST)

D. In my bathroom basket:

• dove body wash or soap (i cant live without it.i'd been using it for years. "whaaat")
• palmolive conditioner (the violet one. i dont need my hair relaxed)
• mane and tale shampoo
• fem wash (betadine)
• scrub/sponge

im back from 3 blissful days. on friday, i filed a leave to go home in pangasinan but i didnt go. i felt a sudden fear in riding the bus all alone for 5 hours. i dont know. suddenly i remebered a previous incident that stopped me. i couldnt drag myself to go. then i told my mom that i cant. i said i was lazy when in fact the real reason behind it is that im afraid. i used to love travelling all by myself but after the traumatic incident, i began to restrict myself. its foolish to jump into conclusions and get the idealism that same incident might happen again. though im just being cautious. i know this is vague. clue is: bloody valentine :)

so i went to laguna instead to visit my beloved. besides the fact that i spent time with him, i just so love the idea that i get to hear different side of story i.e. his engineering world. he lives with a colleague (guy) plus a neighbor who happens to be a girl, also an engineer. we always hang out at their place and have a good gab. archie's two friends have been gathering info on how a call center works. i think they're getting worn-out with their work and they wanted something new for a change. just an overview: these skilled people who are less recognized here in the Philippines are being paid just enough to feed themselves. they are working 12-16 hours (sometimes 24), 6 days a week (sometimes 7). they have to tire themselves that much to get some extra earnings from their overtimes. this is a fact wrongly addressed by our government. it is a shameful truth. these people are the real assets so to speak. take this, we need not buy computers and other technologically capable equipment abroad if we give them importance. their skills are being used by other countries (the reason why engrs go abroad) when in fact, if financed by the government, they can actually work here and produce our own products.

i know a little of this cause im kind of exposed to the engineer's world. another friend of mine, a chemical engr. she works for an airconditioning company (i think) in cavite and their work, they make the product then have it shipped to...say, Japan. surely, Japan will own it. to think that the produce was practically made here. weird but true.

its ironic, but when i started telling 'em how i work here in the account per se is not an easy one, not a standard call center support. they started to wonder. "we thought that work in call center is that easy, scripted, etc." sigh...i told them that life in a call center vary from each account. its nice to have talked about it so their half-truths were answered. it was a nice gab :)

************

over with teenage hullabaloo...

thank God im over with teenage life. it is also termed as the "mapusok" stage. i survived and outrun the temptations. it is very evident in this generation the rampant truths about teenage life. not only are their scumbags but also a large number of impregnated ladies have been overt. im not sour about these people. neither am i seeing them as bad persons. im just grateful that i was able to finish college and even doing further studies now, for a hobby though.

i have friends who are now happily married. they all finished their degree. coincidentally, "natural" calling came in. boom! had to get married. if you get what i mean. hehehe. my best friend is on her 7th month pregnant. funny when i try to look back at our fondly memories. we used to buy clothes for ourselves, but now she hangs out at the baby section. sometimes i envy her (checking out clothes for her baby) but the idea of baring a child myself is not yet what i want. but of course, i dont want to end my statement here. everything happens in the will of God. though i would be glad to have my own, in His time.

it is nice to be single and working. as much as time permits, i wanna invest on the stuffs i wanna have. so comes marriage, it wont be such pain in the ass to buy those at once. archie and me can always tie the knot if we want to. it is just not our priority right now. our focus is to achieve more on our goals and dreams together. these are all done in His blessing.

************

call me a loser, i wont complain cause its true. whilst everyone from other departments are on a deep sleep, we're at work for PA support. sigh...

friday sickness...

i heard this little girl asking for permission to absent on her class today. she was telling her dad that she gets colds in school. hehehe. nice trick! whilst her brother said that she may be allowed to miss school, but should not watch the television. clever huh! sigh...even kids get tired of their daily routine. more so to us, working. good thing i filed a leave today.

weird but i feel uber sensitive today. no matter how much i ignore things around me, there are still instances that they kind of bug me which is terribly irritating. im not sure if im talking sensible but im getting worn-out doing nothing. and this makes me go gaga thinking of nonsense situations.

i must admit, im choosy with friends. and its pretty obvious if i like a person or not. my transformation had brought me to boundaries i never expected. i used to be a slave of kindness and generosity to my friends. i didnt know how to say NO to 'em. until one day, i felt so betrayed. this was because of such a pety issue i.e. why daw do i buy expensive clothes. duh! its not something i wanted. i was brought up by my siblings to have what i want as long as they can give me. see, that pety! whats sad is that all of my friends were applauding on that nonsense issue. its terrible. everytime my sister is out of town, i used to invite 'em over to our place and made use of our 2 phone lines, watched til our eyes dropped, etc. only to find out that they were stabbing me at my back. and you know what's worse? they all went to my school to confront me that i had been telling bad things about them. mind you, i was having my midterms then. its funny that these were all fault of one friend who came on meeting me and them. she was the total wrecker. hehehe. the sad thing about having a bunch of friends and you happen to be absent, you'll be the talk. sigh

i cried for them. really, i did. i defended them over my sister but it was not worth it. i felt so alone after the incident. it took me months to recover. i was thankful that my family had been very supportive. i was wrong for choosing them over my loved ones. from then, i stood up. i am now the transformation. i cannot blame myself for being so blunt at times to other people. i have given up a little bit of pity. though i dont have regrets cause i have learned a lot from it and i was crafted to be a stronger person.

just like now, im kind of pissed off to some people. they irritate me so much but im holding on to my temper. i have done my part. im here to work and nothing else matter. i may sound selfish but i have been through a lot in my life. as long as im not touched, i wont budge.

haay, ang sarap matulog. i just got back from my lunch break. nothing else is more peaceful for me than sleeping. it is a temporary detachment from the world. my previous post talked about sleeping as well. it is inevitable. it is a part of human process. sabi nila, ang bata daw na natutulog sa hapon e tatangkad. sometimes i wonder what i had been doing during those times that i missed to physically grow. tsk. in short, even in sleeping our metabolism is working. if only i could still rely on that belief, i would surely get obvious results. sadly, i think it is already far beyond possible. right, im trying to wake myself up. me and my sleepyhead...

anyway, it is now the last day of the month. wohoo! hurray to me. i completed the month. so? i will get a health bonus again. yeah, i consistently had this. though last month i screwed up. so now im making up on that.

im hoping that we will not have spanish class today. we are told to compose something about ourselves. and whoa, my brain does not seem to mind. i have not made one. i could hardly start a word. i just cant think. all that's in my head is rest, bed, eat. im such a monster. i have to work my brain out to eventually reap the good ones in the future. i need to keep telling that to myself. sigh.

quick bites:

• i own an umbrella that is 8 years old and is very much in good condition ( a sesame street)
• i lost a levis silver tab i bought for myself on my 17th bday (my househelp in college had it washed. when she was to get it in the afternoon, it was only the hanger left)
• i am a banana fruit lover
• fast car song has remained my ringtone in my phones (from mono to mp3)
• i lost my set of jewelry unkowingly (lot of times)
• i am a cotton candy sweetheart
• i had 3 bmx bikes during my childhood (i was boyish then)
• i started playing barbie when i was 9
• i used to have a superman costume. hihihi
• i want to have an xmen jacket
• my email adds : the mducks and md on it are from the movie mighty ducks. im a great fan
• every xmas i watch figure skating. nancy kerrigan was the best for me (cutting edge is the best ice skating movie)
• i dreamt of wearing furry coats here. hehehe
• i wanna bungee jump and sky dive (i want to overcome my fear of heights)
• i was a backstreet boys fan. yeah, boyband! hehehe
• i am a WWE fanatic. fave ko si shawn michaels, undertaker, stone cold
• roddick, hewitt, hingis, rafter (they are my tennis players)

til next post. im sleepy, sorry :(

hay tan muchas preguntas sobre mi mente ahora. me siento como diario, el me lleno para arriba de miserio. i am driven to start feeling sorry for myself, for being such a stubborn i end up at the losing end. in every man's gleeful face, i know there is gloom. there are moments that we feel terrbily cheerless. sigh...just de-stressing

**********

lately, i had been whipped up to some sleeping troubles. dont you just hate it when you are sleeping as deeply as you could only to be disturbed by circumstances? hell this is terrible. i even cried a while ago just because i cant go back to sleep.sleeping had been my life ever since i worked in a call center. i have given up almost all of my normal routine just so to sleep. i rarely spend hours watching tv. neither do i hang out most of the time at the mall (mind you, i live just a minute away from a mall) or party out at nights. yeah, its boring but what the heck! it is what makes me extremely happy - spending most of my time in my bed. if you are to ask me of a hobby now, i would surely say - sleeping. hehehe. what makes me go ballistic on my sleeping hours?

• if you "disrespectfully" intend to speak in a loud voice
• if you slam the door
• if you ring my phone the nth time
• if you happen to redirect my fan (it should be focused on me - only)
• if you eat smelly/noisy (chips) foods beside me while asleep
• if you continually tickle me (mom and my bf often do this when they want me to join them on their conversation)
• if you continue to knock at my door when you know i wont open cause im sleeping
• if this manong tricycle driver has to start his engine very early in the morning (he parks right infront of our unit just beside those cars)
• if you wake me up cause its time to eat

"i have no further questions, your honor." omg! gma is guilty as charged. tsk. she delayed the public in admitting the incident. she prolonged the outcry of people in knowing the truth. maybe her spokesperson had the hardest time composing the best remorseful speech addressed to the entire nation. but no matter how it was made, the meat is still the same. she disclosed the truth. i have been waiting for her answer for quite sometime now. there were so many speculations in my mind. like, maybe she will do something really big that people would just simply ignore the issue. or maybe salvage a public figure then after sometime rescue him/her. hehehe. i was full of "deceptive" tactics only to find out that she acknowledged the awful truth. sigh...

what would be next? how are the prosecutors gonna deal with it? its such a pain in the ass, huh. though she made the bravest thing to admit, she have lost the people's trust in return. she caught all people by surprise. it's seen all over her face how sorry she was. maybe she felt the smallest on what she had done. hihihi. oh well, im startled.

i even thought there will be martial law. hmm, im 50-50 if this will happen or not. who would lead, people or her troop? this is unsure. but if this will happen, we will surely stop thinking about the newest designs from bayo, kamiseta, mobiles, the movies and what not. we will no longer have the freedom to enjoy what we have overly embraced. i remember a conversation with my mom the other day. i asked her how she was during the WWII. she was then 3yrs old. she said they migrated all the way from Ilocos to Kalinga. she mentioned her dad. i asked how he looked like or what was he during those times. my mom said that he was killed. i asked how. she said her dad was taken by the guerillas. they knew that my lolo was killed cause he never came back. mom said that if a guerilla takes a man and dont release him in a day or so, they will definitely be killed. vooom! that easy. i was so hurt. i havent seen him but it pains my heart. seeing a loved one being taken away only to find out that it would be the last time to see him :( i cannot tolerate such an act. it would be too darn difficult to accept.

i hope that the traumatic war in the past should not be rejuvenated. i have faith...

"mutation, it is the key to our evolution. it is how we have evolved from a single celled organism and to the dominant species on the planet. this process is slow nully taking thousands and thousands of years. but every few hundred millenium, evolution leaps forward."

yes, i know. i just posted about this movie a few weeks back. obviously, im attached to this marvel movie. i've watched it the nth time now. hehehe. i first watched it in Baguio 2 years ago. it was the first movie i watched with A-kid. we were still dating then. but that is not the primary reason for having addicted to it. i just feel for the movie and the characters as well. i've always watched the cartoons series. except that gambit is on the series. i guess its role is not much of a big credit so they had to disregard it. gambit had the special gift on playing cards. i cannot remember exactly how it works. anyway, as the xmen 2 ended, jean had sacrificed her life but eventually came back as the phoenix. as to when, i dont know. hehehe, the last update i read on papers xmen 3 will be shown in 2006. thats like next year. i hope!

wolverine is the best among them all. he has this irresistable charm. i started to like him in xmen 1. hugh jackman had previous movies but he had shone best on this sequel.

that line above, i got it from the movie as well. evolution leaps froward. is this still true? evolution is change. yes, nothing is permanent but changes. though these changes are not making us better persons. leaders are continuously misled with the idealism of corrupting other people. sigh, do we still have time to recover? there is a lot to repair. hopeless for now...

***********************************

paunawa: ang mga ito ay pawang opinyon lamang...

kahapon, napanood ko sa tv ang paglaya ni Bobby Tarongoy. all praises na naman kay Arroyo sa paglaya niya. isnt it a deja vu? when Angelo Dela Cruz was freed, GMA was then on the verge of controversy. it was the time she pulled out Philippine military troups for anti-terrorism act in collaboration with the US government to further strengthen US-Phil relations. applaud for another successful deception. when will we start to realize that all was a matter of doing things orderly? she could be a very good actress, dont you think? ang linis ng trabaho niya. i think she is a master to that craft. though there are advocates, they still cant show enough proof or maybe these rallyists have, it is just being rejected. sigh... kelan kaya natin tuluyang tanggapin ang tunay na pagbabago?

kahapon din, nagtaas na ang pamasahe. sabi ng bf ko, mahirap na raw manlibre ng pamasahe sa kasama o kakilala. hahaha. oo nga naman. mahal na e. what else is new? on my way to laguna, ung katabi kong mama sa jeep, super uber complain kung bakit ang taas na raw ng pasahe e ang lapit lang niya. tsk. sabi niya "tumaas na naman? dapat alisin na talaga si gloria. ang hirap na nga pumasok taas pa ng pamasahe." sigh. we will never ever attain social dynamic order cause we continually pull each other on both ends. walang bumibigay. apparently, magtataas ng sweldo. after 2 days, headline na naman na itataas din ang presyo ng petrolyo, pamasahe at ng mga bilihin. whoa! what help does it give? kawawang manggagawa. we are the losers here, being the end-consumers. tsk.

all the more i weigh things right and think what would be best for me inorder to survive. im open to options of going abroad. with His guidance, sana maging ok ang lahat. sa dami ng nagdadasal sa Kanya, pang ilan kaya c gma at ang buong pilipinas sa humihingi ng tulong sa Kanya? :(

lately, i have been so stressed dealing with a lot of personal stuffs. kung umulan nga naman, hindi pwedeng ipagpaliban sa ibang araw. bubuhos talaga ng minsanan. ganun din ang problema. haaay, pero ayos lang. kelangan natin ang mga to para maging mas matatag at handa para sa mga mas malaking pagsubok. minsan gusto kong umalis, pumunta sa lugar na walang kakilala para makapagpahinga ang utak. God is so good to place the mind over the heart. but no matter how much i would like to runaway, it will just be temporary. it would be a waste of time to turn my back instead of facing the problems. i should welcome it and take it as a fulfillment. i know im strong. and i should keep that strength...

a few more hours and im off for two days. we're 2yrs and 1 month. time go by so fast i barely noticed. i should feel happy for moments like this but i dont know why all of a sudden, i am bound to be edgy. i dont know what i am anxious about. i just feel this kind of pressure hitting me hard. i wish i could uncover the truth. though it would be too early to tell. neither do i have the wit to foretell what will happen. i know i have been vague from the beginning. all i want is just to get rid of the pressure that is starting to haunt me...

*********

bakit kaya...

• kung sino pa yung maganda, siya pa ung malaki ang boses
• kung sino pa yung pangit, siya pang ma-feeling (haaaay)
• kung sino yung maganda ang boses, hindi gwapo
• kung sino pang tahimik na girlalu, siyang nabubuntis agad
• kung sinong sexy, siya pang may sakit (ulcer, kasi hindi kumakain. yan kasi)
• kung sinong guro, walang asal (hindi lahat, nataon lang na meron akong personal na kilala. tsk)
• kung sinong masayahin, meron tinatagong lihim na lungkot
• kung sinong may kaya, ayaw gamitin para pagyamanin ang edukasyon (madami nito)
• kung sinong gustong mag-aral, walang pera
• kung sinong hindi politician, siyang bukal tumulong (c rosa rosal, hindi politician di ba?)
• kung sinong hinahangaan, hindi nakapag-aral (mga artista. hehehe)
• kung sinong nag-apply, hindi tanggap (kasi hindi graduate ng UP, La Salle, Ateneo)
• kung sinong nag-aral sa exclusive school, siya pang magic (ate ko ganun din)
• kung sinong gusto magka bf/gf, siyang single
• kung sino pang mali, siya pang galit
• porke customer is always right, kahit mali, customer service pa rin ang lagot
• porke galing sa ma-impluwensiyang pamilya, ginagamit na dahilan for special treatment (e ano ngayon kung sino ka? pumila ka uy!)

there are so many instances that we wonder why things like these are encountered almost everyday. these are what makes life go round. we learn how to be strong, stand up where we fall, learn how to fight for our rights, strive to be better, inspire ourselves to change, discover, and enjoy...

i went to my spanish class today. esta es muy dificil. seemingly, the information does not sink in. i guess its not my day. i was even late for class. i woke up 4:20pm when im supposed to be up by 4. my bad. maybe i was dragged by that in class. anyway, i need to brush up a little on my notes later on. i felt like my brain needs some exercise to move my nerve cells. it had been static for the past few years. im currently reading the novel Da Vinci code. i understand this is very controversial. the last ive read on papers, a film was being made. but critics especially the catholic religion loathed the production of it. as to why, i still have to find out.

*************
want to know me better? read on.

what i am...

• believes in God
• a libran
• the youngest child (menopausal baby)
• have asthma
• right-handed but can also work with my left hand (gifted. lol)
• frank
• sensitive (at times)
• power puff girls fanatic (i have to have it around me)
• fetuccini carbonara lover (spinach noodles) you can go try yourself at french baker
• favorites: ampalaya; broccoli; asparagus; tomato
• adores Katie Holmes
• loved Dawsons Creek (have recorded the 1st season in vhs. hehehe. i had the 18 epis of it. also, i have a clear folder full of their photo clippings)
• loves estee lauder pleasures; davidoff coolwater; hugo boss (i have raspberry bath and body works for a change. but the 3 are my all time favorites. hehehe)
• loves dancing (we had a dance group in high school. we called ourselves the Authentic Movers. hihihi)
• loves playing tennis (i used to play but since i met a car accident in 1999, i could hardly hit the ball)
• loves to cook (A-kid loves it)
• play badminton (my niece says i play it like tennis. i hit it forcefully)
• play bowling (you should see me one time. hehehe)
• when eating chicken at mcdo, i mix the gravy with the catsup. yummy! try it.
• crazy about gonuts donuts (cant resist it)
• drinks occasionally (tequilla and vodka are the best)
• frustrated driver (i never learned how to drive till now. my bro never taught me til he passed away)

what i am not...

• hates being manipulated/commanded (driven to like what others like)
• dont eat tacos/chicken curry/ shawarma ( what is the common denominator?)
• dont like saluyot/okra/eggplant/spices
• dont like dishonest people
• dont like people who are slow (hahaha)
• ayoko sa mayabang tas airhead pa. di bale na lang
• hates back stabbers (this is inevitable, i guess)
• dont like the smell of smoke/smokers (it makes me cough. though some dont smell bad)
• dont smoke

what i want...

• a television (ill get this soon, i hope)
• a component ( i wish!)
• learn how to drive
• get the boots i had been eyeing to have
• a coat
• pair of sun glasses (police is ok)
• a white bag
• syempre, house and lot in Baguio
• what would be the use of learning how to drive without the car da vah!
• start up a business (resto bar or coffee shop in Baguio)
• get married (whew)
• be called a multi-lingual person
• travel and learn different cultures
• frustrated missionary (ive wanted to travel in far flung areas to help the needy. but my mom does not want. i should have been to africa if she didnt stop me)
• put up a foundation for the elders (i always had the heart for the elders)
• i want to teach (i used to be a teacher in a state college)
• i wanted to become a lawyer (now im no longer convinced. so pls disregard this. hehehe)

what i lost...

• a boyfriend (july 17, 2000 at 11am mnl time. he died in chicago airport)
• lost my gramps (july 17, 2000 in the afternoon)
• lost my dad (nov 14, 2000) - how i recovered? it took me years
• pair of eye glasses (i just got it from the optical clinic)
• shampoo and conditioner (funny, a college classmate came to visit our place then my shampoo and conditioner together with my pair of eye glasses suddenly disappeared. coincidence?)
• a wallet once (only had P20 on it. hahaha)
• lost attachments to my cd collections (it had always been borrowed and never returned)
• lost attachment to sun glasses ( i had police - my nephew accidentally stepped on it; guess - friend borrowed it and never returned; gucci blue - my sister in law accidentally stepped on it; black gucci - it got lost in my bag. i saw the pocket opened. so i was robbed)
• books: i used to collect R.L. Stine books. due to consistent borrowing, it never returned

i know i missed to mention a lot. save it for next post. hasta luego!