September 29, 2005

Have you tried eating too much and you feel like you are gonna throw up everything you have eaten? Have you tried being forced to eat what is placed on the table even if you cannot eat it anymore? Have you tried being told to eat this for lunch then later decided to change the menu? This is exactly what I am feeling right now at work. Almost everyday workflows are changed. And they expect you to remember everything, eat everything. Well, I am sorry if I cannot live up to your standards sometimes. There is some days that you tend to forget the workflow. Fine, admittedly it is partly my fault. But gosh, its human nature! I don’t know why I am so affected this time. Maybe it is because there are certain things that I have wanted to do but was stopped.

Three more months and 2005 will be gone. If I try to look back what accomplishments I have made since the year started, uhm nothing! Aack, nothing so remarkable happened. Only turned 25 last Monday. Tsk, Life is a bitch and then we die.

I hope tomorrow my mood will be better. And I cant wait for Saturday to come. I hope everything goes well with the plan. I really am looking forward to that gathering.

September 26, 2005

I am officially 25 years old, the ideal age I wanted to get married. But as time flies, that idealism is far from happening because I am having a great time with each day I spend with the people I love.

I cant be more grateful than be blessed with a family who have continuously showed their love to me no matter how stubborn I am at times, if not always. I wanna thank them for not losing their trust on me. I have had the crown of trust since I started to go to school. I wish that I would remain trustworthy not only to them but to everybody for the rest of my life.

My birthday celebration is one hell of a leap this year. During the previous celebrations, I had been spending it with family and friends. But yesterday, I spent it with a newfound family. A family I wish would last for a lifetime. I had a lunch out with Archie and his parents. It is so loving and endlessly happy to know that I am so much welcome in their family. It wasnt our first lunch together. We used to have the same lunch fiesta in Baguio. But yesterday was different. I felt it was home. I couldnt wish for more but everything to be at a steady pace. I wish I could stop the clock and just spend the day with them endlessly. Its funny how I shared moments with Archie when dining out. It is so coincidental that she has the same complains about her husband. Archie and me are like their younger generation. I talk a lot, so is she while Dad is timid.

It is odd that I should thank about a hurtful past but what the heck, it opened the future more firm and tested. If the past had not happened, I or should I say we, would not have a more solid foundation right now to face and prepare for the future.

I wish that everything would come in order, as God wants it to. Right now, I am surrounded with people who love me dearly. I know that there are still storms coming right ahead but I sure know I am not alone to face it.

Thank you all for those who greeted and who will still greet me on my birthday.

I am working right now. What a loser I am! This is the price I pay for being so happy yesterday. Sigh, its okay.

By the way, I really had a pig out this weekend. I must go back to my normal eating regimen.

September 24, 2005

Hola! I need some help from you guys. My head is spinning around worrying too much of my future, which I am not supposed to cause it is Gods own worry. It is His worry but of course, we have to do our part as well. I wanna go back to school. I wanna teach. I just feel this is my calling. With almost 2 years of job immobility, I feel the need of a new environment, something more permanent.

Can somebody advise what to do? See, I wanna get education units to further qualify me to teach. The thing is, I am specifically interested in teaching Biology. I am not a Bio graduate instead Communication Arts. So I dont know if I need to study full time for Bio or just some major subjects to get. If this would be tedious, then I can stick with teaching English subject or any Communication Arts major subject. Still, I need to know what subjects I need to get and later on take the LET exam. Whew! I wanna have a PRC ID. Right now, it is really an option for me. I am not getting any younger and I would like to prepare for a long-term goal, a job I can do for a long period of time while starting my own family *wink*

Any advice would be much much appreciated!

September 19, 2005

ayan! hehehe

September 09, 2005

This letter will always have an impact to whoever relates to it. It is very inspiring.

A Letter To the One that God has Prepared For Me

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is!

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!

I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.

After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.

But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would s lowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

Contributed by Alma Alvarez
Shared by Joe Gatuslao
Bacolod City, Philippines

September 06, 2005

Hi, it has been days since I last posted here. I just got back from a 3-day weekend vacation. I hope it lasted longer but of course, it would be impossible. Except if I don’t intend to go back to work.

A lot of realizations have been made lately. Things that made me understand how life turns out. The least things we expect to be shaken can blow out of proportion at times. And I thought, I would never be able to get out of it nor solve it to be exact. I have learned a lot of things that I had not known only when things had to happen. I can still say that I am blessed with a very supportive family and friends who have been there to be with me. Anyway, it is over and done with. I am happier now.

I feel for Archie. He is not happy with his job anymore. Yeah, what is more terrible than feel unappreciated with what you do? This is one of the reasons why mostly skilled workers fly off the country because they are not given any value at all. He said that we would just put up our own company under the condition that he will be the chairman of the board. I don’t mind as long as I set the rule. The must rule is that: all employed people should be married, loyal ones to be specific. And if they intend to philander, they get fired instantly! Hehehe. Rule is a rule. haaay