May 30, 2005

i'm still on the verge of disappointment. i saw you and all i could feel is betrayal. you have the nerve to slam the door or drop things you're holding with a heavy heart infront of me. i think i should be the one acting like that cause im the victim here.

i've known you for 13yrs. the second closest friend i ever have. what makes it so hard for you to admit your fault? i don't need your answer. it's written all over your face. you don't have a sorry heart. what can pride do to you? where have all your spiritual commitment gone? i just can't believe myself but i have seen enough to prove that you are too good to be true. i have already forgiven you the nth time again. but don't expect me to treat you the way i did before. you have long tested my endurance, my trust in you, and especially our friendship.

it pains me to lose a friend but what the heck, you don't give a damn, not even a single drop of shame do you have in your system. it's time for me to believe my loved ones. i've had enough generosity to you. i've treated your family like my own. im a good friend but i could be your worst enemy. for i know my stand and i know the truth. stop acting like the victim.

i have been tired.

May 29, 2005

life really sucks! i know i dont have to ask why, but it just sucks! God is so good to create people with various personalities. what's ironic is that no matter how enormous the world; opposite personalities still get to deal with each other and start creating a row. isn't it annoying when here you are, so disciplined and sensitive, considerate and what not. comes the villain exactly the opposite of what you are and starts stabbing you at the back, taking you for granted or simply - using other people. it's so sickening. what is more ridiculous than being one of 'em. i just hate it. people with this kind of illogical behavior are real pain in the a**. geez... i must say, im (a bit) an enduring person. but when insensitive freaks provoke me, i come out of my shell and scream out loud what i feel.

why is it too darn difficult for other people to think what is good from right. i' m not perfect but what i wanna say, why are these people so insensitive, disrespectful of whatever situation they are in to. they just do what they wanna do without any consideration or even thinking that maybe they have stepped on other people's stuffs.

if you think you're smart, oh please. don't believe your instincts too much nor be convinced that you are good looking. you may have (a bit) the looks but i dread your character. let me ask, did you ever had a special someone? none that i can recall. maybe you start asking yourself. others might just be dreading you too. so please, keep your feet on the ground. drool over. you're just daydreaming. cut the crap. how else should i say? tell me which would you understand.

i'd been so patient and kind whenever you needed help. but what do i get from you, not a simple word, as thank you. youre a selfish bitch. you're just the exact opposite of what your family thinks of you. why, why are you so insensitive? people who are smart knows how to weigh things and clever enough to classify which is a good idea from not. but you, your motto is simple "ah, what the heck. this is not mine anyway so be it" this is how you treat other people's things, or even feelings. you've totally disappointed me. you regained my trust after a historic event few years ago. now here you are again. wrecking the ship that is calmly sailing. when will you start realizing that you are just like everyone else? you are not a god. slap! slap! slap! do you feel it? NO, cause you're a heartless insensitive freak!

May 28, 2005

its almost 3am. 2hours more and im out to spend another weekend. but not for long cause im gonna start work on sunday morning. nothing peculiar or mushy happened to me in 3days after my long vacation. it was pure work-sleep-work mode. its payday. thanks for that. i still have to rush to the bookstore and buy school supplies i promised to my nieces. you just cant say no to them. anyway, its my way of sharing and i wanna do it.

it's been days since i am feeling this anxiety. my good friend is "suffering" from severe heart ache whilst for me, im feeling the reciprocate. after i turned 2yrs with my significant other, it seems that everything is moving forward to both of us. we both feel that maybe, its time for us to be one. but then, we are closely tied to our families and that we cant decide that instant on what we want to do. there are a lot to consider which we are trying to hold on. we can unite now but we dont want our families to suffer financially. so we have to work hard and earn for it till the day comes. i've found the person i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. the man that i have been praying. i hope that everything goes well to the two of us. if you are reading this, i wanna let you know that no matter where life takes us, may you be sleeping or not, for as long as your heart beats, i love you dearly ... awww!

May 25, 2005

im back. id been off work for 4 days. i must say, it was a good time to let loose. let me share to you tidbits on how ive spent each day:

21: i got home passed 6am after a short meeting at work, slept for 3hrs. had to pack up my stuff for the trip. the original plan was, to pack all our stuffs for 4 days but then mom was teasing me. she said that people might misunderstood us (me and A-kid) running away. hehehe. so, i unpacked some things and planned to pick it up on our way home. we left mnl at 7:30pm and reached destination at 11:15pm. since it is a province, expect the wedding traditions to be mushy. they had disperas - like a "dance all night party" before the wedding kind of stuff. A-kid's mom was asking over text if we were joining the dance party. only to find out that lights are out due to heavy rain and thunderstorms. geez...of course, we preferred to sleep and get rested for the wedding the next day.

22: it was a long winding trip looking over the clear and quiet sky whilst seeing the ricefields wave as if welcoming us on our way. there was a ongoing mass when we reached the church. so we still had the time to chit-chat at one corner while waiting for it to end. just an fyi, this was my first time to meet the relatives of A-kid so i felt butterflies in my stomach. feeling i could not explain. like questions of being rejected or accepted. to my surprise, it was peachy. the buzzing part is when im introduced to each relative. they were commenting the same thing, like we will be the next in line. hmmm, should i take that as a compliment? the bride did not even take the effort to throw the bouquet. she handed it to me, that easy. and yada-yada-yada.

23: when we reached mnl to pick up our stuffs going to PG, mr. rain was pouring heavily that made us apprehensive of going or not. to add, my mom dreamt that me and a-kid was travelling when his parents came looking for us. only to find out that we were found inside a box. isn't that freaky? how else will you be convinced to travel? before i forget, this is the special day. its our 2nd yr old together. we shifted to plan B since our PG travel did not push thru. we spent it with mom and my niece out. it was a food galore instead of a nature adventure. it was fun after all.

24: still at home doing some interior decoration with our new room. thanks to A-kid for all the help. it was exhausting to do all the chores but it was cool spending time with my loved ones. my days off was worth it. the good and the bad things worked out just the way it had to be. its one good list of memories to recall.

May 21, 2005

friday oh friday! yahoo. im doing my best to feel the spirit of the weekend. everything was doing so well when i learned that my sibling wanted my mom back home. she wanted her back because she'll be leaving the country and nobody is gonna take care of her 3-year-old son. why is this so? not that im being selfish but i wanted time with my mom. she'd been taking care of her grandchildren almost all her life since time immemorial.she's here cause i wanted her to rest. she's not getting any younger. and she deserves to be taken care of in return.

i cant blame my sister. she couldnt trust any other person. a househelp is not even close to solving the issue. this made me cry yesterday. i felt that they were too selfish not to let my mom rest and enjoy even for sometime. mom deserves the freedom to atleast be away from my wayward nephews and even nieces. all of 'em are on toddler stage. just imagine my mom surrounded by these kids. "lola here, lola there"

i salute my mom. you see, even my siblings at times cant control their own children. but my mom, she can easily pacify the child. she is great with it. i think she have mastered the craft of being a mother, grandma, and wife. well, shes the best in the world! i love her so much. shes worth everything i am now.

anyway, its already saturday and im pretty excited. ill be going to pangasinan with my significant other to attend his cousin's wedding. have to pack up all stuff. after the wedding, we will be heading back to mnl straight to jam liner. yes, this is going to batangas pier. yup, i think you are getting the hint. puerto galera! we will be celebrating a very speacial day. its gonna be fun on a long weekend. i hope everything goes well. be back on wednesday. ciao!

May 19, 2005

its thursday, one more day and another work week is over. if you notice, i get to write a journal mostly of my frustrations than otherwise. i dont know. maybe because if im happy, i ran out of words to express how much i feel.

this coming saturday night, there will be a huge party to be held at my officemates mansion. this party is gonna highlight a lot of reasons to enjoy. promotions, welcome party to newbies, birthdays, etc. im not a party freak since i got here in manila. but then, i wanted to break that record and join this party. sadly, i cant cause ill be out of town to attend a wedding. im also on leave on monday and tuesday, which means, im out for a summer getaway. im looking forward to it.