haay, ang sarap matulog. i just got back from my lunch break. nothing else is more peaceful for me than sleeping. it is a temporary detachment from the world. my previous post talked about sleeping as well. it is inevitable. it is a part of human process. sabi nila, ang bata daw na natutulog sa hapon e tatangkad. sometimes i wonder what i had been doing during those times that i missed to physically grow. tsk. in short, even in sleeping our metabolism is working. if only i could still rely on that belief, i would surely get obvious results. sadly, i think it is already far beyond possible. right, im trying to wake myself up. me and my sleepyhead...

anyway, it is now the last day of the month. wohoo! hurray to me. i completed the month. so? i will get a health bonus again. yeah, i consistently had this. though last month i screwed up. so now im making up on that.

im hoping that we will not have spanish class today. we are told to compose something about ourselves. and whoa, my brain does not seem to mind. i have not made one. i could hardly start a word. i just cant think. all that's in my head is rest, bed, eat. im such a monster. i have to work my brain out to eventually reap the good ones in the future. i need to keep telling that to myself. sigh.

quick bites:

• i own an umbrella that is 8 years old and is very much in good condition ( a sesame street)
• i lost a levis silver tab i bought for myself on my 17th bday (my househelp in college had it washed. when she was to get it in the afternoon, it was only the hanger left)
• i am a banana fruit lover
• fast car song has remained my ringtone in my phones (from mono to mp3)
• i lost my set of jewelry unkowingly (lot of times)
• i am a cotton candy sweetheart
• i had 3 bmx bikes during my childhood (i was boyish then)
• i started playing barbie when i was 9
• i used to have a superman costume. hihihi
• i want to have an xmen jacket
• my email adds : the mducks and md on it are from the movie mighty ducks. im a great fan
• every xmas i watch figure skating. nancy kerrigan was the best for me (cutting edge is the best ice skating movie)
• i dreamt of wearing furry coats here. hehehe
• i wanna bungee jump and sky dive (i want to overcome my fear of heights)
• i was a backstreet boys fan. yeah, boyband! hehehe
• i am a WWE fanatic. fave ko si shawn michaels, undertaker, stone cold
• roddick, hewitt, hingis, rafter (they are my tennis players)

til next post. im sleepy, sorry :(

hay tan muchas preguntas sobre mi mente ahora. me siento como diario, el me lleno para arriba de miserio. i am driven to start feeling sorry for myself, for being such a stubborn i end up at the losing end. in every man's gleeful face, i know there is gloom. there are moments that we feel terrbily cheerless. sigh...just de-stressing

**********

lately, i had been whipped up to some sleeping troubles. dont you just hate it when you are sleeping as deeply as you could only to be disturbed by circumstances? hell this is terrible. i even cried a while ago just because i cant go back to sleep.sleeping had been my life ever since i worked in a call center. i have given up almost all of my normal routine just so to sleep. i rarely spend hours watching tv. neither do i hang out most of the time at the mall (mind you, i live just a minute away from a mall) or party out at nights. yeah, its boring but what the heck! it is what makes me extremely happy - spending most of my time in my bed. if you are to ask me of a hobby now, i would surely say - sleeping. hehehe. what makes me go ballistic on my sleeping hours?

• if you "disrespectfully" intend to speak in a loud voice
• if you slam the door
• if you ring my phone the nth time
• if you happen to redirect my fan (it should be focused on me - only)
• if you eat smelly/noisy (chips) foods beside me while asleep
• if you continually tickle me (mom and my bf often do this when they want me to join them on their conversation)
• if you continue to knock at my door when you know i wont open cause im sleeping
• if this manong tricycle driver has to start his engine very early in the morning (he parks right infront of our unit just beside those cars)
• if you wake me up cause its time to eat

"i have no further questions, your honor." omg! gma is guilty as charged. tsk. she delayed the public in admitting the incident. she prolonged the outcry of people in knowing the truth. maybe her spokesperson had the hardest time composing the best remorseful speech addressed to the entire nation. but no matter how it was made, the meat is still the same. she disclosed the truth. i have been waiting for her answer for quite sometime now. there were so many speculations in my mind. like, maybe she will do something really big that people would just simply ignore the issue. or maybe salvage a public figure then after sometime rescue him/her. hehehe. i was full of "deceptive" tactics only to find out that she acknowledged the awful truth. sigh...

what would be next? how are the prosecutors gonna deal with it? its such a pain in the ass, huh. though she made the bravest thing to admit, she have lost the people's trust in return. she caught all people by surprise. it's seen all over her face how sorry she was. maybe she felt the smallest on what she had done. hihihi. oh well, im startled.

i even thought there will be martial law. hmm, im 50-50 if this will happen or not. who would lead, people or her troop? this is unsure. but if this will happen, we will surely stop thinking about the newest designs from bayo, kamiseta, mobiles, the movies and what not. we will no longer have the freedom to enjoy what we have overly embraced. i remember a conversation with my mom the other day. i asked her how she was during the WWII. she was then 3yrs old. she said they migrated all the way from Ilocos to Kalinga. she mentioned her dad. i asked how he looked like or what was he during those times. my mom said that he was killed. i asked how. she said her dad was taken by the guerillas. they knew that my lolo was killed cause he never came back. mom said that if a guerilla takes a man and dont release him in a day or so, they will definitely be killed. vooom! that easy. i was so hurt. i havent seen him but it pains my heart. seeing a loved one being taken away only to find out that it would be the last time to see him :( i cannot tolerate such an act. it would be too darn difficult to accept.

i hope that the traumatic war in the past should not be rejuvenated. i have faith...

"mutation, it is the key to our evolution. it is how we have evolved from a single celled organism and to the dominant species on the planet. this process is slow nully taking thousands and thousands of years. but every few hundred millenium, evolution leaps forward."

yes, i know. i just posted about this movie a few weeks back. obviously, im attached to this marvel movie. i've watched it the nth time now. hehehe. i first watched it in Baguio 2 years ago. it was the first movie i watched with A-kid. we were still dating then. but that is not the primary reason for having addicted to it. i just feel for the movie and the characters as well. i've always watched the cartoons series. except that gambit is on the series. i guess its role is not much of a big credit so they had to disregard it. gambit had the special gift on playing cards. i cannot remember exactly how it works. anyway, as the xmen 2 ended, jean had sacrificed her life but eventually came back as the phoenix. as to when, i dont know. hehehe, the last update i read on papers xmen 3 will be shown in 2006. thats like next year. i hope!

wolverine is the best among them all. he has this irresistable charm. i started to like him in xmen 1. hugh jackman had previous movies but he had shone best on this sequel.

that line above, i got it from the movie as well. evolution leaps froward. is this still true? evolution is change. yes, nothing is permanent but changes. though these changes are not making us better persons. leaders are continuously misled with the idealism of corrupting other people. sigh, do we still have time to recover? there is a lot to repair. hopeless for now...

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paunawa: ang mga ito ay pawang opinyon lamang...

kahapon, napanood ko sa tv ang paglaya ni Bobby Tarongoy. all praises na naman kay Arroyo sa paglaya niya. isnt it a deja vu? when Angelo Dela Cruz was freed, GMA was then on the verge of controversy. it was the time she pulled out Philippine military troups for anti-terrorism act in collaboration with the US government to further strengthen US-Phil relations. applaud for another successful deception. when will we start to realize that all was a matter of doing things orderly? she could be a very good actress, dont you think? ang linis ng trabaho niya. i think she is a master to that craft. though there are advocates, they still cant show enough proof or maybe these rallyists have, it is just being rejected. sigh... kelan kaya natin tuluyang tanggapin ang tunay na pagbabago?

kahapon din, nagtaas na ang pamasahe. sabi ng bf ko, mahirap na raw manlibre ng pamasahe sa kasama o kakilala. hahaha. oo nga naman. mahal na e. what else is new? on my way to laguna, ung katabi kong mama sa jeep, super uber complain kung bakit ang taas na raw ng pasahe e ang lapit lang niya. tsk. sabi niya "tumaas na naman? dapat alisin na talaga si gloria. ang hirap na nga pumasok taas pa ng pamasahe." sigh. we will never ever attain social dynamic order cause we continually pull each other on both ends. walang bumibigay. apparently, magtataas ng sweldo. after 2 days, headline na naman na itataas din ang presyo ng petrolyo, pamasahe at ng mga bilihin. whoa! what help does it give? kawawang manggagawa. we are the losers here, being the end-consumers. tsk.

all the more i weigh things right and think what would be best for me inorder to survive. im open to options of going abroad. with His guidance, sana maging ok ang lahat. sa dami ng nagdadasal sa Kanya, pang ilan kaya c gma at ang buong pilipinas sa humihingi ng tulong sa Kanya? :(

lately, i have been so stressed dealing with a lot of personal stuffs. kung umulan nga naman, hindi pwedeng ipagpaliban sa ibang araw. bubuhos talaga ng minsanan. ganun din ang problema. haaay, pero ayos lang. kelangan natin ang mga to para maging mas matatag at handa para sa mga mas malaking pagsubok. minsan gusto kong umalis, pumunta sa lugar na walang kakilala para makapagpahinga ang utak. God is so good to place the mind over the heart. but no matter how much i would like to runaway, it will just be temporary. it would be a waste of time to turn my back instead of facing the problems. i should welcome it and take it as a fulfillment. i know im strong. and i should keep that strength...

a few more hours and im off for two days. we're 2yrs and 1 month. time go by so fast i barely noticed. i should feel happy for moments like this but i dont know why all of a sudden, i am bound to be edgy. i dont know what i am anxious about. i just feel this kind of pressure hitting me hard. i wish i could uncover the truth. though it would be too early to tell. neither do i have the wit to foretell what will happen. i know i have been vague from the beginning. all i want is just to get rid of the pressure that is starting to haunt me...

*********

bakit kaya...

• kung sino pa yung maganda, siya pa ung malaki ang boses
• kung sino pa yung pangit, siya pang ma-feeling (haaaay)
• kung sino yung maganda ang boses, hindi gwapo
• kung sino pang tahimik na girlalu, siyang nabubuntis agad
• kung sinong sexy, siya pang may sakit (ulcer, kasi hindi kumakain. yan kasi)
• kung sinong guro, walang asal (hindi lahat, nataon lang na meron akong personal na kilala. tsk)
• kung sinong masayahin, meron tinatagong lihim na lungkot
• kung sinong may kaya, ayaw gamitin para pagyamanin ang edukasyon (madami nito)
• kung sinong gustong mag-aral, walang pera
• kung sinong hindi politician, siyang bukal tumulong (c rosa rosal, hindi politician di ba?)
• kung sinong hinahangaan, hindi nakapag-aral (mga artista. hehehe)
• kung sinong nag-apply, hindi tanggap (kasi hindi graduate ng UP, La Salle, Ateneo)
• kung sinong nag-aral sa exclusive school, siya pang magic (ate ko ganun din)
• kung sinong gusto magka bf/gf, siyang single
• kung sino pang mali, siya pang galit
• porke customer is always right, kahit mali, customer service pa rin ang lagot
• porke galing sa ma-impluwensiyang pamilya, ginagamit na dahilan for special treatment (e ano ngayon kung sino ka? pumila ka uy!)

there are so many instances that we wonder why things like these are encountered almost everyday. these are what makes life go round. we learn how to be strong, stand up where we fall, learn how to fight for our rights, strive to be better, inspire ourselves to change, discover, and enjoy...

i went to my spanish class today. esta es muy dificil. seemingly, the information does not sink in. i guess its not my day. i was even late for class. i woke up 4:20pm when im supposed to be up by 4. my bad. maybe i was dragged by that in class. anyway, i need to brush up a little on my notes later on. i felt like my brain needs some exercise to move my nerve cells. it had been static for the past few years. im currently reading the novel Da Vinci code. i understand this is very controversial. the last ive read on papers, a film was being made. but critics especially the catholic religion loathed the production of it. as to why, i still have to find out.

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want to know me better? read on.

what i am...

• believes in God
• a libran
• the youngest child (menopausal baby)
• have asthma
• right-handed but can also work with my left hand (gifted. lol)
• frank
• sensitive (at times)
• power puff girls fanatic (i have to have it around me)
• fetuccini carbonara lover (spinach noodles) you can go try yourself at french baker
• favorites: ampalaya; broccoli; asparagus; tomato
• adores Katie Holmes
• loved Dawsons Creek (have recorded the 1st season in vhs. hehehe. i had the 18 epis of it. also, i have a clear folder full of their photo clippings)
• loves estee lauder pleasures; davidoff coolwater; hugo boss (i have raspberry bath and body works for a change. but the 3 are my all time favorites. hehehe)
• loves dancing (we had a dance group in high school. we called ourselves the Authentic Movers. hihihi)
• loves playing tennis (i used to play but since i met a car accident in 1999, i could hardly hit the ball)
• loves to cook (A-kid loves it)
• play badminton (my niece says i play it like tennis. i hit it forcefully)
• play bowling (you should see me one time. hehehe)
• when eating chicken at mcdo, i mix the gravy with the catsup. yummy! try it.
• crazy about gonuts donuts (cant resist it)
• drinks occasionally (tequilla and vodka are the best)
• frustrated driver (i never learned how to drive till now. my bro never taught me til he passed away)

what i am not...

• hates being manipulated/commanded (driven to like what others like)
• dont eat tacos/chicken curry/ shawarma ( what is the common denominator?)
• dont like saluyot/okra/eggplant/spices
• dont like dishonest people
• dont like people who are slow (hahaha)
• ayoko sa mayabang tas airhead pa. di bale na lang
• hates back stabbers (this is inevitable, i guess)
• dont like the smell of smoke/smokers (it makes me cough. though some dont smell bad)
• dont smoke

what i want...

• a television (ill get this soon, i hope)
• a component ( i wish!)
• learn how to drive
• get the boots i had been eyeing to have
• a coat
• pair of sun glasses (police is ok)
• a white bag
• syempre, house and lot in Baguio
• what would be the use of learning how to drive without the car da vah!
• start up a business (resto bar or coffee shop in Baguio)
• get married (whew)
• be called a multi-lingual person
• travel and learn different cultures
• frustrated missionary (ive wanted to travel in far flung areas to help the needy. but my mom does not want. i should have been to africa if she didnt stop me)
• put up a foundation for the elders (i always had the heart for the elders)
• i want to teach (i used to be a teacher in a state college)
• i wanted to become a lawyer (now im no longer convinced. so pls disregard this. hehehe)

what i lost...

• a boyfriend (july 17, 2000 at 11am mnl time. he died in chicago airport)
• lost my gramps (july 17, 2000 in the afternoon)
• lost my dad (nov 14, 2000) - how i recovered? it took me years
• pair of eye glasses (i just got it from the optical clinic)
• shampoo and conditioner (funny, a college classmate came to visit our place then my shampoo and conditioner together with my pair of eye glasses suddenly disappeared. coincidence?)
• a wallet once (only had P20 on it. hahaha)
• lost attachments to my cd collections (it had always been borrowed and never returned)
• lost attachment to sun glasses ( i had police - my nephew accidentally stepped on it; guess - friend borrowed it and never returned; gucci blue - my sister in law accidentally stepped on it; black gucci - it got lost in my bag. i saw the pocket opened. so i was robbed)
• books: i used to collect R.L. Stine books. due to consistent borrowing, it never returned

i know i missed to mention a lot. save it for next post. hasta luego!

is it too late to realize how estranged we are in different ways? i have long known that people were born with unique personalities. but i think there are still things common. though i wonder, if this happens for real or reel. as i mature, i have become more outspoken. i have much expressed myself in revealing clearly my intentions. the picture above shows different colors but is united in some way. how i wish that would be easy for us people to do. yet, we have brain and the heart to funnel issues. unlike the picture, it has no life. it can be whatever it wants to be.

i had been caught up into one puerile squabble lately. like most people who knows me, i am very frank. i say it out loud if you're right or wrong. i may have let the issue pass but then i was provoked. one move that forced me to speak out. i was on the verge of disappointment. so there, my uncontrolled temper outwit my subconscious mind. what makes it so annoying is that i or should i say we, felt it was way too intentional (for that issue to arise). we have given signals to stop but was simply ignored. how else will you control a good ground of temper when you are simply ignored? alas, i had to speak. i have used words that have hurt them. so what, we were disrespected. is it not fair to hear such a word? i think they deserved it. but out of diplomacy and not to make a big fuss about it, i swallowed my pride and apologize. yes, you read it right. i went straight in there to apologize. i am not a person who has a very high profile at work. and issues like this often, if not always are being misunderstood and the main issue would eventually be restated in many ways. people can be hip, funky and what not. but mind you, all of these is nothing without the right ATTITUDE. no matter how punk you dress, you are still rotten for me. only in encounters do we often get to know real people. treat me nice and i will reciprocate it nicely too. otherwise, i bite back.

the picture above are the condiments to a happy, successful, and what not in life. food is not completely satisfying without it, and so is life. even if you look drop-dead gorgeous, if you dont have the right manners, you're one hell of a trash. well, there is still time to change, i hope...

PS: that picture was taken while eating at tapa king with Rona. uhm, she was snooping what the hell i was doing trying to get all the condiments in every table. hehehe.

what makes it so annoying than seeing you everyday. life can be so unfair or maybe fair enough to allow people with indifferences to fuse. i just cant help myself to be furious. hate is such a strong word. but to this person, i can say it out loud. I HATE SEEING YOU. geez, i have never been this horror-strucked to anybody else in my entire 24 years but to this person. and im afraid i have to deal with it whilst time permits. i may be overly reacting and egocentric but, i just cant help it. aaaargh! i dont want this person around. huhuhu. this person is physically a nightmare. for goodness sake, sana man lang magpaka-humble. kahit yun lang, ok na sana eh. kasi yun na lang pwedeng baguhin. hahaha. it would take the best doctors to do some major overhauling. provided that, these doctors have sufficient equipment to fit on this thick-skinned mammal. haaay! just de-stressing...

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Aielo

yo habla umpuco espanol. i suddenly remembered my nephew during my spanish class. meet my nephew aielo jozua. those teasing smile is the product of a spanish mom and a pinoy dad (of course). i have a classmate who reminded me of him. except, my nephew is far adorable than him. hehehe. we had this duo seatwork and we happened to be buddies. little did i know that he is of the same genus as my nephew. well, just a thought. i miss my nephew :(

speaking about my class. it gets more exciting every meeting. it is so cool. even if im totally exhausted coming from a shift and all, i still feel the zest. i just love it. i dont care if i have to wake up 3:30am the next day. the spanish class is more like a therapy. it relieves tension from my routines. muchas gracias. estoy feliz. my tongue is so eager to speak the language. hehehe. syempre, our dear teacher is giving us praises for learning it pretty fast. hmmm, bola! just to let you know, we drop her off to take a bus ride home. hehehe. should i take what she said as a compliment? watcha think? i hope that someday ill reap what i sow. now that i have started to pursue a dream, i have to move forward even if it meant no savings. savings is nothing when im stuck at being myself 4 years ago. i want to become a person that will inspire people on the years to come...

this is one of the reasons im kept off the malls to hoard. i have been eyeing this since the day i saw it. i wish that i'll take it home before this year ends. sigh. .

im currently under a "discipline-mode" for 3 months. bills bills bills. since i left home i have been totally independent. i took control of responsibilities. i pay my rent, electric and water bills, buy groceries and the laundry. but now, my mom is with me. things have slightly changed. though the only thing she does is cooking. i dont require her to give money or shoulder expenses. its time that i pay gratitude dont you think? i keep on telling myself to earn. the sad thing, every time that i have started earning, i get sick, really ill. so my earning will just go to oh so expensive capsules. from then on, i stopped earning. i started buying stuffs. serious stuffs like home appliance. it had become my interest to invest on these which ill soon rely on when i plan to start my own family. living out of the shadows of my older siblings has made me a stronger person despite their criticisms. im thankful for the blessings God has continuously poured unto me despite my shortcomings. ill continue to inspire myself to become a better person in achieving my goals in higher grounds with greater risks. it is just a matter of believing in myself that someday, somehow i can be one of the best.

i almost forgot. im going to my spanish class later and we are told to introduce ourselves. hmmm. buenas tardes. mi nombre is abi. yo vivo en pag-asa bliss, ciudad del quezon. yo soy la hija mas joven de mi familia. yo trabajo algunas bloques lejos. these meant, good afternoon. my name is abi. i live in pag-asa bliss, qc. i am the youngest daughter in my family. i work a few blocks away. hihih. isnt that cool? i just so love learning it. i dont know what will be our next topic but im looking forward to it. chao! hasta luego!

what makes teen pop movies click? if not stars are mushy, viewers stick with its soundtracks. 5 years ago, i used to admire teen flicks. happy ending stories. i was just done watching lizzie mcguire the movie. there is nothin pretty empathic about the movie. the plot was obviously like the rest of teen movies created. the only difference on these is their choice of soundtracks. it was fine anyway. just like its series on television. question, is hilary duff really a teen?

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i was in school yesterday. it was my second day and my, it was fun. im having a good time. im like a student from grade school who is so eager to learn. except that, i nearly freaked out from the text messages of my friend. not hers or my fault. its just that there is a barrier between us that make us feel sorry for each other. i almost lost concentration but was able to recover. anyway, my spanish teacher is cool. she's very nice, too. her name is catalina. yeah, very spanish. hehehe. i understand it is her first time here in the country. well that explains why i have to drop her off to take a bus going to ever commonwealth every after class. hihihi. what's more interesting and grateful about is that she is inviting Rona and me one weekend to join her with her spanish friend do some spanish volunteering thingy elsewhere. im not very sure about the details cause i could barely hear her due to the street noise. i get to learn a lot of spanish words in no time. i find it facil (easy) to understand cause most of our words are borrowed. talk about over a hundred years under spanish colony. i dont have to feel surprised.
im hoping that ill get to fulfill my dreams. i have a big plan ahead of me and i wish that everything falls into place. well, just the other day a new opportunity was knocking on my door again. but i have to get and see the details first. though its not very tangible for now. its not something i am looking forward to. i'd still stick with plan a, which is to finish spanish and pursue my dream. chao!*********************************************
Me and Rona gonuts!omg! i did it...what a success! yahoo. now i can post pictures on my blog. whew, yeah i may have reacted late cause i know this had been long known. its just that i only started appreciating blog now. so far, i have a channel to practice my writing skills. its been a long time since it had been the source of my living. it serves as a breather for me. my way of de-stressing... hasta luego!

"Section 4. No law shall be passed abridging the freedom of speech, of expression, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and petition the government for redress of grievances. "

this section under bill of rights article 3 in the constitution is no longer practiced here in our country. this explains why some unsuccessful peace advocates are not given the chance to protest on what they believe is right. advocate leaders often are rebellious because some of them are not allowed to rally lest a permit was given. where is the right to freedom? what makes this a democratic country? numerous instances have the constitution been treated as a taboo. my dad and me used to dream that i'll soon be a lawyer. but with what's happening right now, i'm no longer convinced. i was totally disappointed on how the constitution is being treated. there are no more boundaries. i have to share my thoughts on this tomorrow. i gotta go to school. hasta luego!

i've always enjoyed watching marvel films. my favorite of which is the Xmen. i just finished watching part 2. i got affected when jean had to sacrifice her life in the end. being loved by two gorgeous guys, i think to die would be best. hehehe. that wasnt her reason anyway. she had to do it to control the jet and let others survive. though i know jean is not gone. im looking forward to the 3rd sequel. i know jean will be back, as the phoenix. hehehe, i hope im right.

laterz!

im back. if you're gonna ask me how i spent my rest days, it was plainly rest at home. i rarely sit and watch television for a long time. but on wednesday night, i broke (slight) the record. it made me stay for quite sometime. it just feels bad that when you watch news, same issues are dealt. if its not the prices that raised or the stock market has dropped, its the president who has overly corrupted the minds of her countrymen.

i thought it was only the entertainment and fashion world that is interested on what are the current trends. i was wrong. the government also practices the same objective. whichever is the hot trend, they focus on it and flinch from previous problems unsettled. it is so frustrating that we still have a bulk of debatable national issues, which continually pile up and just leave it as is. i saw the news and it had been a week that people have concentrated on this audio cd thingy that allegedly accused arroyo for deception. the paraphernalia was credible. i heard it on TV and the voice really sounded like the president. apparently, it would really be her even if she insistently denies the issue. but on the contrary, im curious. if it were all a gimmickry, why settle for a negative joke instead of something helpful to the nation? is this the only instance that a conversation was recorded or should i say wiretapped? what initiated these people to come out of the open and expose such a huge controversy? is it for public interest or is it more of personal? what is the reason behind all these? let's find out...

*****************************************************
same night, my best friend came for a visit. she was with her bf err husband who is my friend, too. she's on her 5th month of pregnancy and her tummy doesnt look that unusual. hehehe. i mean, it isnt that big. maybe because she is voluptuous. oh well, like the usual, she shared how she is dealing with her chaotic brother and sister at home. by the way she lives just across mine. i used to envy her cause she can get anything she wants anytime. but then again, it made me think. it were all material things. what does material things do to me? physically, yes i'd look good and pleasant. but what can beauty do to a troubled mind? we joked that she might give birth ahead of time if she stays longer with her troublesome siblings. she totally agreed. hehehe. now i dont envy her. i learned that if i want something, i have to work hard for it and not depend on my family. i have also learned that it is best to live life with a peaceful mind rather than a wrecked one due to miserable circumstances. the only thing im glad about is that, my friend is a strong woman. being the eldest she has to be.

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on thursday, we had done some changes at home. i helped re-arrange the living room to look more different. it was a success. our condo looks cozier now than before. its great to have moments like this. it's a girl thing! hehehe

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right now, Rona and me are left at work whilst everyone in our team is having this big breakfast at Atchies. yeah, we're losers. what the heck! we'll be at the picnic anyway. hehehe. we're looking forward to it. besides, we're gonna have a feel good late lunch later at Italianni's. i think that would be on a par with the team breakfast. only, its just Rona and me. hehehe. no big fuss! it's fine with us. we love our work. naks! palibhasa walang choice kasi kami nasa shift. huhuhu. there will still be next time (i hope) so we could make up for that.

i just finished watching "how to lose a guy in 10 days" i have watched it the Nth time now. i like this movie so much. its like women are from venus and men are from mars. hehehe. its plot showed the differences between guys and gals. i liked how guys are dominated over women. talk about girl power. and i like Kate Hudson. she's such a babe. hihihi. of course, her bro Oliver still rules. Mahal ko siya! Matthew is a hunk too. i've seen him act in "a time to kill" it was one hell of a movie that got me teary-eyed.

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it's my off tomorrow and friday. i deserve a long sleep. i dont have to wake up so early in the morning to dress up for work. atleast i have 2 days to enjoy that :(

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i almost had this argument with my mom. good thing i was able to divert it at once. sometimes i just cant help myself but comment on certain situations which are uninvited. i completely understand her stand and im not gonna rob her freedom for that. anyway, it ended up fine.

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yesterday, i helped my niece with her assignments. i had to exercise my brain once in a while and check if it still has fuel or emptied. hehehe. i heard her say she was tasked to report on their class. i think she's doing pretty well in school trying to make up. she said her classmates were telling her to run for class president. hmmm, welcome duties and responsibilities. she's anxious about it. it's gonna be tough for her - being a transferee. i just wish her the best and hopes that she will enjoy her last year in high school.

i miss school. good thing im gonna start my class hopefully tomorrow. i hope that this will start to fulfill my future dreams. i have much to accomplish this time. im deeply praying for it. i am a girl who wants spontaneity. as much as i can hold and acquire new knowledge, i would not close the opportunity of learning them. it will soon serve me something good and rely on in the future. the fact is, i dont know how long i can last being on the zone i am right now. im glad i belong to where everyone is (somewhat) comfortable. but most often, i have moments to think about on what i really want. still, my dreams 5 years before and 5 years from now remains. i wanna be in places, learn different cultures and people. i wanna be a multi-lingual person as i have started years back. but then i was led to another dream where im presently at.

someday, somehow i want to pass on to my children the hardwork i have gone through in fulfilling my dreams. nothing glorious is done the easy way, you have to learn it the hard way. and i still am learning it more...

i was doing the best i could to make non-work related stuffs out of my mind but when all system tools gets down, hello to blog!

i was reading blogs of different people from Paula Peralejo to Ala Paredes then Bianca Gonzales and the like. then i went to visit a less-important person who had been part of my past. just like how he described himself on his blog, he is one diverse person - which is not such gwapo points for me. hehehe good thing it didnt last. im not trying to prejudice. but what the heck, this is my site. i can write whatever i wanna write. Its my way of expressing my freedom. anyway, he's an a**

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yesterday when i reached home. i had a moment of conversation with my niece. it seldom happens. why? cause we argue a lot. she's like my kid sister. she grew up with me. having the same 2nd name is ok but having the same birthday is too much, dont you think? so we often clash. hehehe

anyways, my mom and her just moved in with me here this year. obviously, she transferred school. she had her first class yesterday. and i was glad to hear that she found new friends (i just can't tell if they are true friends now) based on her story, she'd been good. she have shown interest by doing a lot of recitation. hmmm... then came their math subject. i grinned when i heard her comment that her teacher was well, sorry for the term but she called her dim-witted. she said that the teacher was giving a wrong solution on the board. my niece said that the correct equation for length is 2x + 3. and the teacher was giving 2x + 2. whoa! she knows about it. geeez, i could hardly remember anything i've learned. talk about numbers. she was then raising her hand to correct the teacher. but then the teacher kept on explaining as if my niece was invisible. hehehe. i told my niece not to tell her classmates that she came from a science school so they wont expect too much from her. so far, everything is doing fine for the three of us. we just cant help but be bugged by non-stop texts from untrusted people back home. well, that's life. it's not always christmas :)

yesterday, i ran into Paula Peralejo's blog. i was reading it for hours. i never thought that she would be as transparent as she is on her blog. she is a smart lass. her entries were inspirational :) i was just wondering how she remembered every detail of what has happened to her in a day to jot it all down. unlike me, if i start writing my own entries, i could barely start. there are so many things to write about but i could hardly organize which to write first. so i always end up on just one particular topic.

on our way home (me and Rona), a lady who was in front of us was stared by men who passed by. they stare straight on her chest. i thought it was just one guy who noticed. then comes another, then one more, and more. it made me ask, are guys really born like that? sometimes it made me think, are they appreciating the beauty of women? or are women just born temptress? if im gonna ask a guy about this, i sure will get the same answer. and of course, they'll surely defend their ego.

during the homily when i attended mass yesterday, the priest was discussing what people have been minding lately. he said that people nowadays are more conscious with their physical appearance. they make sure they go to the gym to look great. they want to look pleasant all the time. he said that they are using the media to promote such. at some point, i agree to this. they are using the different kinds of medium to advertise. what i dont or never really liked about the media (which is why i didnt last working with 'em) is that, all they show are just what the common people are dreaming of. i mean in reality, not all people are looking great or influent. they have forgotten the real-world. that, to look good is not the main purpose of each human being. call me old-fashioned or pathetic but think again, when was the last time you had a moment with Him? instead of thanking Him, others would thank the doctor for a job well done on her chest. tsk tsk tsk. why cant we simply feel content with what we have? it is so frustrating at times.

it's a brand new month. i was caught up in the middle of a traffic jam this morning on my way to work. thanks to taxi, i was able to reach work before time hits 5:30am.

amidst all these posts and outpour of emotions, there are still things i cannot fully outgrow inside me. sometimes i'm running out of patience battling survival everyday. i fear that i'm losing all the strength i have. Have you ever felt so helpless before that you wished to just cease life? That, no matter how you struggle and fight back all the barriers, you never win?

i'm in my lowest point right now. i want to cry but my heart is stopping me. i cannot show how i feel infront of my mom cause i know she'll feel sorry for me. i want to hold on more but subconsciously, my heart wants to stop beating. i know i shouldnt worry cause i have the Highness taking charge of my life. but then i ask, am i doing His purpose?

i hope someday, somehow He'll give me the answer...