June 04, 2005

it's a brand new month. i was caught up in the middle of a traffic jam this morning on my way to work. thanks to taxi, i was able to reach work before time hits 5:30am.

amidst all these posts and outpour of emotions, there are still things i cannot fully outgrow inside me. sometimes i'm running out of patience battling survival everyday. i fear that i'm losing all the strength i have. Have you ever felt so helpless before that you wished to just cease life? That, no matter how you struggle and fight back all the barriers, you never win?

i'm in my lowest point right now. i want to cry but my heart is stopping me. i cannot show how i feel infront of my mom cause i know she'll feel sorry for me. i want to hold on more but subconsciously, my heart wants to stop beating. i know i shouldnt worry cause i have the Highness taking charge of my life. but then i ask, am i doing His purpose?

i hope someday, somehow He'll give me the answer...