Happy Holidays! Wow, it seems that time is really getting away from me as quickly as it can. Last year, I spent Christmas and New Year in Manila with just my mom, sister and niece. It was not as fun-filled as my holidays today. I have my brother and his family who came to celebrate Christmas with us. It was great! And my, I really get to splurge on a lot of strawberries, free strawberries fresh from the garden. Yum yum! And I am grateful that I see my mom happy here. I could not compare how glad she is that we are finally back. Except that we miss some of the Manila easy-life thingy such as having everything delivered. Here, we have to manually carry water refills and LPG gas. Yeah, real pain. Sigh, we are getting used to that setup. Eventually, we will master it! haha

***
However, not all Christmas is merry I guess. My high school friend’s boyfriend died last week. He died of cancer where symptoms came late. It is an awful thing to celebrate the holidays. And what sucks more is that they had plans of getting married this January. It really saddened me to know those details. He was a good person, no vices, just plain good. Then she started to advise me of things I should be mindful of. It gets me into thinking. It scares me to make plans. I know everything is in His hands but then again, I cannot be confident to assure things would fall accordingly. And so I pray each time that He would always lead us to the path He wants us to, together I hope.

***
Ok, on the other hand, I kept myself busy watching a lot of movies during my off. By the way, it is my first time in 3 years to spend Christmas without work. Wohoo! Cheers! Hehe. Advisory: These are just opinions I have about the movies. Here are the lists:

Step Up: I am a fanatic when it comes to dancing. This is a super fun movie for me. Plus, the lead actor looks like my cutie nephew. Hihi. I loved their dance moves and the music. Reminds me of my high school days J

Happy Feet: The people behind this movie must be on his/her gravest hallucination to come up with such a penguin world. LOL. But then it was cute.

You, Me and Dupree: Funny flick. I can never imagine a married life living with a crazy person. haha!

John Tucker Must Die: A movie about girls who would like to get even to a guy who just dumped them. It is a very Western-ish movie.

World Trade Center: I expected too much on this movie. I think the news on TiVo is far more concrete than the information depicted on this. Yeah, it is tragic but I remember John McLaughlin (starred by Nicolas Cage) is not actually a white but a black man. So how can it be credible when the people behind this movie based the information from McLaughlin and Jimena? These are the two people, 2 out of 20 survivors from the 2749 deaths L The movie was made when the real John McLaughlin appeared 2 years after the tragedy. So where did they get the information? How did they create an identity that is wrong? I mean not wrong per se but you know, it will get you curious. They should have gathered more than rush. Hmm, it really gets me into thinking. Till next post, happy holidays everyone!

I have been contemplating on a lot of things lately, things that have an enormous impact in my life now and the future. I wish that it is easy to just iron out the wrinkled edges of life but I simply cannot, because it is not perfect at all. There are flaws I cannot rule out and I get it. I am not worrying like hell because I know that He is with me. He is like my supervisor approving the things I do on earth then He signs it officially. The latest approval He made for me was my getting back here. And I am grateful that He sees how good my intentions are. Yet, like I said, imperfections are inescapable. It may not come from me but from others who surrounds me.

Rough roads shake me but hey, it actually helps me redirect things and really think a lot. Without these humps, I will never see the other side. And I am glad that I have seen it coming right before things is officially signed by Him.

Many times I wanted to outrun pain, but given the life stains each of us has, I think it is given to be hurt. Truly, a provocative person spins me. No matter how peaceful I live my life, it still would not work because of imperfections. It tires me at times but then I have to understand that I need it to make me feel stronger and experienced. It sucks that negativities help us earn the experience. This is one oddity of life that is based on truth.

Somehow I manage to balance pain and happiness at the same time. A true sense of being is to adapt oneself in both sides of the world. And so I make the best of both worlds for when time comes, I will have stories to tell my children about living in pain and in happiness at once.

It has been 2 weeks and my I am having the best and worst times of my life here. Best because I dont have to fret about the weather all the time. I get to sleep not worrying about the electricity bills that eats up my buck. I spend my time with loved ones. I get to see my old friends and eat the food I so missed.

Now the worst part is that I am having a mini drama once in a while in my life. Drama that Rona thought would only happen in movies. Oh well, life aint perfect. But I am still good. I dont let myself torn by it. Anyhow, it is still a blast!

***

Hey pops, it has been 6 years since you had been gone. And I still feel like you passed just yesterday. I miss you always and that I know you see me from above happy with what I am. You have disciplined me the way you wanted a daughter to be accomplished. Mom and I are just the two left. We have some struggles but I still am keeping up. I am taking care of her. I sure know you see that. I really miss you. See you someday. I love you!

***

DONT FADE AWAY

(And) I've been waiting here for you
Waiting for a sign from you
I feel very cold
That I can't smile no more

Your voice doesn't sound so clear

I don't think it's fair
Your dreams disappeared
I hope you'll be alright
We hope you'll be alright

Chorus:
(Father) Don't fade away from me
For you will always be
My sweetest memory
A friend so dear to me ...

And I don't mean to sound so sad
But if you only knew, I miss you so bad
I won't forget your life
We won't forget your life

Bridge:
I know it's gonna take time
But you will never be off my mind, oh no
I sit here crying many tears
But I wish you were still here

Public advisory:

This is to inform all of my concerned friends that I am not yet getting married. Hehehe, the purpose of my moving back to Baguio is far from tying the knot. I moved because of reasons that do not only favor me. Primarily, I am only saving just a little of what I earn while I was there. No matter how thrifty I get, I just cant outrun the costs of living. Secondly, my nephew is a CHED scholar which is only accredited in the Cordillera Region. Third, the weather here is one of the best catch greatly envied by you. Fourth, in cases where my mom gets sick, I have my brother who could help me look after her. Plus, we get to eat fresh veggies and fruits at a very friendly-cost. There is a lot more to say but generally, I just love it here.

Now, with regards to getting married, its not on the primary lists. Hehe. I am not the only one who decides on this. Yeah, evidently we are both here. But since I am the girl, all I could do is just WAITING. Hahaha. It will just come naturally I suppose. So my dear friends keep the fire burning. If it stops, light it again. Hahaha. Let us enjoy life!

The heat, the traffic jam, the metered taxi, the greedy drivers, the MRT, the bus, the giant billboards, and the friends I have met. These are what I am surely going to miss. Three years ago, I came here all by myself, as in just myself. No stuffs or anything to call my own. I was like an orphan with no home I could stay put. I stayed with my relatives for sometime, didnt work pretty well. Then I moved in with my friend. Ugh, terrible! Now we dont keep in touch. You know the bloody details so I dont need to put more stress on that :)

Anyway, I am leaving Manila. But despite the idiosyncrasy, I am leaving not by myself but with my family. No more feeling orphaned as well as not hearing bitter friends call me silly names just because they are having their most unfortunate events in their lives and put the blame on me. :) What can I say? The more you hate me, the more blessings keep pouring on me. So please, hate me! Hahaha

Well, I can smell the pine trees; I can see the clouds come down from the sky; the sweet strawberries; the fresh and cost-friendly vegetables, the really-metered taxi, the drivers, the houses up in the mountains, the bonnets and jackets. Hmm, home sweet home. I cannot wait to start anew here after being gone for 3 years. No regrets though. If I have not gone, I would still be this country lass earning just about enough to last a few days and then broke for the rest of the week. I could have not earned what I have right now. So I am going back home triumphant. Yez!

I may be gone but memories will always be memories. Aaaw, thanks to the 3 successful years of maturity Manila has given me. Naks, uuwi lang eh nagdrama pa. hahaha, la lang. feel ko lang naman mag-emote. Imagine how much I am gonna save in my bills? Whew, I cant wait! Hehe. I hope things go well. May YOU guide me, always. Thank YOU! Ciao

Thank you for letting me wake up another day full of hope that life will turn out fine just like a new leaf that buds out of a stem. I cannot thank you enough for giving me a life with contentment. I woke up today and prayed to you to give me another year of good health and good luck, to mold me to become a better person where I can be of help to other people around me, the people that I love. I am not here if not for your own purpose. I am here for the mission you have tasked me to do. Thank you for extending another year of my life in this world. To you up there, I love you.

***
Sometimes, I think that the oldest person alive is lucky to have spent long years witnessing every happiness, sadness, and catastrophic events on earth. If this person has descendants with long lives, they should start planting carbon under a mango tree or just plant carbon and after hundreds of years, that will turn into diamonds. Isnt that worth the waiting? Hehehe

***
Text messages the whole day had left me so overwhelmed that my family despite the distance, managed to remember a time to greet me. The funny thing I got was from one of my nieces. She asked me how old I was and when I told her, she was surprised that I am still single. Hahaha, makes me think I am that old. Tsk. I used to dream that by the time I reach 25, it is ideal to get married. Now, I am a year passed that and I still am not married. Hahaha, should I worry? Nah, I am happily attached. Just not the time yet, I guess. Besides, it will surely take time.

***
Inspirational Wishes:
Good health
Good luck
Happy family
Keeping my feet on the ground
Just the right amount of wealth

Material Wishes:
Portable DVD
Treadmill
Cooking equipment
Additional power puff collectibles
Estee Lauder Pleasures
NB running shoes

and the list goes on and on :)

Wohooo! I am so happy that one of my closest friends just got hitched. It was lovely! It was simple yet full of smiles and gratitude to everyone who have witnessed their unity. To you my friend, you have a new journey coming right up ahead of you. Stay happy and go ye, multiply! Hahaha Right after the buffet, Pims and I spent the rest of the afternoon out, unplanned yet fun. I felt freed for the first time. (hahaha) I havent been such an outgoing person when I relocated here in manila. Anyway, I had fun that day. Thanks Pims for that dvd shopping! See you there next pay day! My, was so happy. This is what I get when people hurt me, I get the good karma.

Sometimes I want to hate myself for being so honest. Why cant I simple shut myself up so I wont hurt others feelings? My honesty is often misunderstood. I cant control my being so transparent in my emotions. I tell people if I am happy. I cry to them when I am sad. I speak to them when I am disappointed. Argh, is this such a bad attitude? Is being honest not a good thing after all? It is so ironic that I wanna be true and yet others would still look at me bad. Well, this is so-called-life.

Wow, I didnt notice the time. One more month and a few days I will be turning 26, another crazy year to battle survival. As I sit and think what made this year a difference to the years that had passed, uhm I gained weight for starters (hahaha) I have been into a lot of self-tests in the previous months. Personal struggles that made me stronger and good karma in a way that had enhanced my being professional (if that is how you may call me working diligently, naks) Every sadness and happiness, I learn something from it. I grow and get to redirect my thinking the better way I could.

***

It feels good to touch other peoples lives. But often times no matter how unintentional we are with our reactions, there are still glitches. I have been into one of this instance. A part of me is regretful of what happened but another part of me holds it back. I know I am sorry for what happened. I feel for her son but I dont feel sorry for her. I have this guilty feeling for days now of how I may have wrongly treated her. And I kept on reassessing myself what could have gone wrong. I know it wasnt my fault. It isnt hers, too. It was just that, it all happened at a wrong time. I hope that she would realize what she had done. I am frank myself but know how to ask sorry if I know am wrong. I just cant figure out why she has to act so weird. Makes me think she is the special one. Hehehe. Anyway, I hope to get this over and done.

***

I am so happy to take my off today. Yeah, I have been working my ass off for a month and it felt good. After the lost months, I am just beginning to recuperate. Aim for more. Hehehe. Go Go Go! Hahaha. Ciao!

My, I didn’t notice how time flies. It has been July. When I woke up this morning I didn’t notice the tears. I didn’t want the dream to end because I felt complete. It was so real. I was talking happily to my dad in my sleep. I felt him close to me. His face oh so real I wish I could hug him. I feel like I am at lost for the first time. It has been 6 years since he passed away but the agony of longing to see him and talk with him will never happen in this lifetime. I feel sorry that he didn’t see what have become of me. He must have been proud. Amongst the children he has, I can say I am his girl. Oh, I just miss you my dear dad. Advance Happy Birthday. I love you and I truly miss you. I will see you in my second life.

I cried myself to sleep the other day for reasons I cannot tell you. Crying had been my outlet every time I feel down. And I prayed to Him to guide me. In my sleep I dreamt of a young white/beige horse playing cheerfully with me in a garden. I am not so much into astrology but just a brief interpretation on my dream, here is what I have found:

Horse: To dream about horses generally is associated with big earnings and will enjoy prosperous and happy life.

Young: Vigor. Freshness. Need for experience and understanding.

White: People feel they can rely on you. You have an abundance of energy and vitality.
Beige: Everything related with this color denotes neutrality and detachment. There is absence of communication.

Garden: Big happiness. Inner self .Suitable time to pursue love affairs.

Ref: http://www.petrix.com/dreams/index.html

There you have it. It seems that the reason for my crying is miscommunication. Other than that, everything looks pretty well the same as what is happening. Well, I have to think positively for this.

Rest day is the next big thing for now! hehehe

MI - 3 :This movie to be honest with you is not something that I would like to see over and over again. It is all about the stunts of Tom Cruise. But anyhow, good enough to see it in a big screen especially on a digital surround. Hehehe

XMEN 3:Sigh, another wasted project. I expected so much about this movie. I have waited for 3 years since the showing of sequel 2 but unfortunately, my expectations failed. From beginning to end I didn’t like how it was created. If only I could create my own story out of it. Really, it is not how I imagined it to happen. Tsk, I wish it was not yet the last stand. Jean Gray coming back as the Phoenix became the villain. She killed Cyclops and Professor X on the very first part of the movie. Mystique had been out, too. She was healed by the medicine created by Archangel’s father. I didn’t even feel Archangel’s presence. Tsk, favorite movie gone bad.

The DA VINCI CODE:What can I say? It was like reading the illustrated version of the book. Funny how people or should I say the church reacted about this. I mean, I myself am a worshipper of God. But having seen this movie wouldn’t change what you have grown to believe in just a snap. May it be true or not, it will make you think how incredible for Dan Brown to have thought or imagined such an idea. Watching this movie doesn’t mean betrayal. This is just my point of view. You are entitled to your own. Apparently, it may cause a great impact or shock you but then again, you would still think, nah just a fiction. Prima, watch it! LOL

THE LAKE HOUSE:I have always loved seeing Sandra and Keanu together. But this time, I didn’t feel what everybody felt while watching the movie. It was an adaptation but the plot wasn’t that romantic for me. I find My Sassy Girl far more romantic than this. I did not feel the connection of the characters in their exchange of letters. It was not enough to make their audience swoon.

Oh well, till next post. Ciao!

It has been June and I havent posted anything. Honestly, so much have been up to me right now. There have been changes, pains, happiness and what not. I feel swamped. I am flooded with a lot of arguments in my life, questions of how to handle tough situations in the nick of time. I didnt want to lay this information (in details) to you guys because I dont want circus. (naks, drama mode)

Sometimes I envy others like my age that can freely do what they want without minding other people. They can selfishly spend what they earn for things they want. I feel so ancient. At times when problems pour, I feel like I am too old to even live through it. I am not complaining but there are moments when I wish I could enjoy solitude. Of course, I sure know that it is bad to resent. But I feel like I have forgotten myself. What I have been doing is see how others, if they are ok, or if they need something. When would I feel taken care of? When would I feel like I am treated more than I treat them? Well I guess, this is how it is like to be a bread winner. I support my mom, is that enough explanation? Hehehe.

I realized that I am also weak in some areas where people think I am capable of fighting. There are instances when I feel like I wanna quit or turn my back on things. But no matter how much I try to deny it to myself, the truth will always be true. What I am sharing here may be fuzzy to you but heck I am throttled. I need to have some outlet for it. I get tired. And I feel like I have the world on my shoulders. Can somebody carry it for me, please? :(

Happy 3 joyous and rough years together!May 23, 2006

After the violent post I had a few weeks ago, it felt like a lot had happened. Cleaning the entire place was my way of getting rid of whatever bad vibes left of the people I did not mean to harm nor had shown bitterness. I still felt sorry if they felt aggravated for being voted out of the house. All I ever wanted is peace and harmony. But no matter how sensitive and compassionate I am for others feelings, I still get the worse responses. I was badly provoked by acts of disrespect. So the doomsday had come, and you just have to say bye-bye. Well, it feels good to finally be home. We finally did some touches in the house and made it feel like a real home.

Anyway, God really provides. I could not be happier than learning that I was given a full time hours at work. It felt really good that I can finally start anew. So many things in mind undone.

My bad, I still wanna share more but I am really so darn sleepy.

I am back from my long and winding vacation. I had a blast!

I got the chance to visit La Union, where Archie was born. Mom, Riza and I were invited to spend Holy Thursday and Good Friday in the province. I missed going to the beach. It feels good to see the waters especially during summer. It was fun out there. I did my floating skills (thanks to Jane) and swimming my best like I have never swam before. Hehehe. Poor Archie and Riza, all they could do was to watch me. Aaaww!

In spite this enjoyment, there were also some revelations. A fact will always be a fact. I want to believe that my relationship is perfect. But no matter how I want to insist, nothing and nobody in this world is perfect. We cant do anything but accept whatever He has to offer. After all, it is only Him who has the power to run our lives. I know it is not proper to question Him but sometimes we want to know the reason. I hope I would know soon.

***

When I arrived, bills on my doorstep welcomed me. Hay! So many bills but so little money to pay. I need to work double time to pay all of these. Geez, is it not nice to sleep and then wake up wishing everything is gone and start all over again? Wish! Lets just laugh it all out loud instead.

Yesterday was great. Archie came to visit with her mom and two more aunts. What a lovely feeling to know that our families get along really well. The elders started calling each other in-laws terms. It is flattering but not too soon. I mean, there are times that I wish to settle down. But often times, a lot of things are still to be done professionally. Archie is going back to school. And I plan to further my studies hopefully next year as well.

Right now, I badly want to go back to school. Yeah sure I get to change my decisions once in a while due to stability in general. But my calling tells me to go back to school. I want to fulfill this kind of calling. Last week, mom told me the same idea, that she wants me back to school. Sad but she said that it seems I am not enriching my knowledge. I just shrugged but it hurts to know the truth. Ever since I worked in a call center my zest to learning and discovering a lot of things had stopped. I got stuck in what I know.

After the release of the BAR exams, two of my high school friends passed. Good for them. Later I realized that my life doesn’t seem to have a sense of direction. I work and that’s it. I don’t wanna stop there though. I wanna do more. I wish to learn to be content but knowing that life is short, atleast I wanna fulfill my dreams as long as God can make it come true for me. For the weeks that had passed, I understood what patience is all about. Risks should be taken as a leap of faith. I don’t want to envy others because nothing good would it give me. All I need to do is to work really hard so I could fulfill my dreams. So many things but so little time in this world.

***
Baguio here I come. One more day and up we go to my second home. I am hoping that I would really enjoy my trip, my chance to really splurge before work. Thank you God for giving me this life. It is not easy but neither hard to handle.

Blogger was on maintenance yesterday that I wasn’t able to post this right away. Even if the momentum (of boredom) had been gone, I'll post it anyway. hehehe

***

This is one lazy and humid Saturday afternoon. My mom and niece are lying down the floor wanting to feel a bit of coldness from the tiles while listening to music I play. This is a typical afternoon for people who are not that preoccupied like me. Hehehe. Our neighbors had cut down a few branches of the trees in our compound which made it feel warmer seeing the bright rays of the sun. tsk, it is undeniably summer.

A week and a half ago, I was feeling terribly lonely. I got bored waiting for good news from work. I cried not only because of it but also for knowing that Archie got the job in Baguio. Meaning, he will be staying there and I’m stuck here waiting for work. I felt so left behind. But right now, the loneliness was traded with joy, happiness for knowing that training camp is about to start. Apparently, I was kind of sad thinking that I wont be able to join mom and niece on their trip to Baguio. But later, an email blast was sent advising that the training camp was rescheduled after holy week. Great news! I am so delighted. I feel like going home to Baguio for the first time. I just miss my life there. I swear, no matter where I am or will be Baguio will always be my home. I cant wait!

I was chatting with Prima online and offered her to join me eat pearl shakes:

Abi: kain tayo pearl shakes
Prima: pearl shake?
Prima: nako tataba ka dyan
Prima: tigilan mo yan
Abi: d nga?
Abi: nakakataba ba?
Abi: hehehe
Abi: halos araw-araw umiinom ako ng ganito if not halo-halo
Prima: asukal kaya yan!
Abi: hihihi
Abi: sarap eh
Prima: hhehehheh
Abi: malamig
Abi: cno ba nag-imbento kasi nito
Abi: o ng asukal
Abi: hehehe
Prima: hhhahahha
Abi: hehehehe

How ironic that people invent things that harm people as well. Hehehe. The thing is, I am so freakin bored. My post doesn’t make sense! Hahaha. Chill!

***

Since I havent been doing much lately, I have all the time in the world to update my blog, add testimonial to friends in my friendster, surf, and watch movies. I had been watching series of movies that I missed on the big screen.

The last movie that I watched in the theater was Proof, a low-budgeted film starred by Gwyneth Paltrow. Of all movies to watch, Archie and I were so unfortunate to have watched it. It was not worth watching. Let me have a quick recall what other movies I watched:

Brokeback Mountain: I watched this with my ASC friends a few days before I left Sykes. This movie is really controversial. And I was never as astonished as when I watched it myself. I had already heard a lot of critiques about it and was never really interested until I watched it. Gosh, I had never imagined that it was actually an adaptation to reality. At some point, I lost interest with sex. The movie is critically-acclaimed, but acceptance to it had not sunk-in just yet for a few days in my mind. Maybe I am exaggerating my opinion but the way it was made really was not how I have pictured it. Overall, it was a movie depicting how the present generation exists.

Crash: This is not a must-see movie. Thank God I did not have to waste money watching it on the big screen. Too many characters made it look so messy. The scene for every actor is too short to even interpret the story. I did not personally like it. One thing more, the movie ad has Sandra Bullock’s face the biggest when in fact her appearance is not that much as the rest. They say in advertising that if an actor’s face is big, it means he/she is being paid much. In this movie, it obviously does not apply. Actually, I did not even see who the main actor was.

Chicken Little: Nice and light movie to watch.

KingKong: I cried when I watched. It was heart-melting. The movie is great and personally, I think it is better than Jurassic Park. If I had watched it in the big screen, maybe I would have screamed a lot. I liked the thrilling part especially the dinosaur scenes.

The Prince and Me: Yep, this movie is not new but mind you, I watch it over and over again. I like it so much. The good thing about this movie was that from beginning to end, they were meant for each other. Everything fell into place. There was no conflict nor a third party involved. I love Luke Mably!

God Must be Crazy: This is forever a must-see movie for me! It gives a genuine and classic laughter. If I wanna de-stress, this is the movie to watch! Hehehe

Later, I am gonna watch Wedding Crashers. By the way, I bought tickets for our trip to Baguio. Yey! I know, it is not Bora, Galera, Palawan or any other place. But Baguio will always be the best place in the world for me. Ciao!

Hola, I attended the recognition day of my niece. She is graduating from high school. It was my mom who brought her up. She was only 11 months old when my sister left her for abroad. Then, the rest is history. Technically, she is like my younger sister. But what makes me disagree to what I just said is that, we clash almost everytime. We were born on the same day at opposite times. I was born 11am while she was delivered 11pm of Sept 26. Of course, on separate years, 8 years to be exact.

Going back to the recognition day, I was there to be her representative to hang her medal for being a student achiever. On our way to the stage, I was called by the emcee as her mother. Whoa! If only I could grab the emcee’s mic to object that I am not the mother. And I strongly disagree if I look like a mom of a 4th year high school. Tsk!

What were so funny about this occasion were the technical difficulties encountered. I can very well recall during my times when unavoidable circumstances happen on live events. A common example would be, when the music is messed up; no sound on the mic; the echoing noise of the sound system; etc. very basic trouble that usually happens on times you badly need it. These things happen to almost every occasion. Pathetic, huh

My last year in high school is one hell of a memory for me. This was the only and most important year. Only because this was the sole time that I did not get any merit in my entire school life since the first time I attended. Important because this was the last time I had spent the 4 years of my growing up years with friends. I did not know how to tell my family that I was not part of the honor roll. My dad had always been my partner on stage. So he casually told me dating gawi cause every end of school year, he was with me on the stage. But sad, I failed on that year.

I blame this failure to my tour in HongKong. Yes, I went to HongKong and stayed there for almost a month. In exchange of fun, I was out of the honor roll. No matter how regretful I was, it already happened. I can never change it no matter how much I strive. It was one failure I will never forget. Sometimes, there are just but things that we badly want but cant simply have it.

Later.

It is 12:05 in the morning. I just got home. I dropped off Archie from the terminal to Baguio. Yeah, he is going home for an interview. I hope he gets the job. Anyway, on our way back home, my niece left my fan on the taxi. I felt terribly bad. Archie gave that fan to me. Tsk. I just hate it when I lost things that are given to me especially coming from the one I love. I know I am being shallow but hey, I value it so much L even if I cry a bucket of tears I wont have it again. So I will just sleep it over hoping that I get over it. sigh

***

Another day is over. All along I thought it is already Wednesday but I am wrong, it is only Tuesday. I feel each day is dragging me. I get crazier each day out of boredom. If you are not so occupied, your mind can think of almost everything and anything under the sun. And then I end up pitying myself. This is a typical Libran attitude, the tendency to have self-pity.

My prince got the job in Baguio. Good for him. I am so happy and proud. Well, this is whatcha-ma-call-it gulong ng palad. Minsan nasa itaas ka, minsan nasa ibaba. In our case, dati nasa itaas ako for having a job at my own comfort. But now, things turned out the other way around. Hahaha!

Hay! I am sounding stupid (er) each day. Tama na, magiwan naman ako ng konting katinuhan para bukas. Hehehe

It is Monday and there is nothing to be done. I am patiently waiting for the advice to go on training. I dont know how to spend the rest of the day or the week so to speak. I cant go out either cause I dont wanna spend money on unnecessary things. Im sitting right infront of my pc getting tired of lying down in my bed. I hope the advice would be announced. This is how it feels like to be a bum. I get tired counting and looking at the clock every once in a while.

I know I should not ask but what trial could I be having right now. I decide on things with good (if not better) intentions. I just hope that it is worth the wait. If looking for another job is an option, I just cant give up this wfh for once. There is no job I can think of that is more convenient than this. So I must refrain from complaining and be more patient. But what worry me are my financial obligations. I pay my rent, bills, etc. I wont be able to sustain all of these if I would be a bum for more than a week more. Of course, I cant push the river, if its not time, I cant force it. So all I could do right now is pray and wait.

***
I went to Laguna yesterday to visit my love. I was kind of lazy actually of going but seeing the people that I live with is just pissing me off. So I decided to go. Atleast, I felt a lil colder there than here in the city. Thanks to Mother Nature for the trees. hehehe

I am pissed off to the people that I share the unit with and not my mom nor my niece. You know, I cant explain why they act so uncanny. I am a happy person. And it just freaks me out when I see people who frowns almost all the time. It is so dragging. And this is what I see with my housemates. I dont know what I have done wrong to be treated like that. I have extended my patience long enough to be numb. I learned to be rude because of these people. How unprofessional of them. My mom said that maybe they envy me. Duh, they envy me but they dont work their ass off the way I do. Besides, I am not competing with them. I know this agony has been long overdue. But this coming May, sure it is for real. No more connections, I swear!

***
Today is Day One of my diet. Sad, I dont have a weighing scale to monitor but I know I would definitely feel the difference. Hehehe. I hope to succeed on this regimen. I must!

Ok, I will be back later.

ANG LAKI, two words I uttered with conviction while drinking coffee with Prima and Rona at starbucks this afternoon. Funny how these words have been mistakenly quoted for admiring Joy re: his physique had changed a lot. Hahaha! I was cut short when I was just about to say, ang laki ng pinagbago ng katawan niya .Anyways, I had a great time.

Finally, I was able to finish my clearance. I am getting used to this work from home setup that I don’t have so much patience seeing people screaming at the top of their lungs inside the elevator while conversing. I don’t mean to be rude but maybe it is because I cannot ask for anything more comfortable than wfh.

I need to drive myself in losing weight. I started taebo this morning and didn’t like the effect on my arm. I’ll do belly dancing instead. I hope to look fit in time.

Yan na muna…ang init. Tsk!

I’m back! I stayed in Baguio for a few days while my sweetie was recuperating. Nanibago ako sa klima pagbalik ko dito. Tsk, nangati na naman ako ng sobra. Iba pa rin talaga pag natural na lamig. Ngayon, ramdam na ramdam ko na ang summer. Bawat kilos ko mainit pakiramdamL hehehe.

With just a few days, a lot of things had happened here. The campaign was over; my friend got hitched, and then came a new opportunity at work. I still feel lucky even though at times I am at a lost.

Habang free, inayos ko ang clearance and thanks goodness patapos na din. Ganun pala magpa-clearance. Hassle magpa-sign lalo na pag iba-ibang sites. Good thing at dalawang sites lang. Nagpunta kami ni Rona sa Glorietta para tignan yung flipflops store na pinagkakaguluhan ng mga flipflops addict. Hindi naman pala ganun kadami ang paninda at designs. Inikot naming ng pabalik-balik tapos nawala yung excitement naming after seeing yung konting designs nila. Willing na kami bumili eh, ang kaso wala yung gusto naming design. Ok lang din kasi hindi ako ready gumastos. hehehe

It’s summer and I’m gaining weight L. I need to trim down. Hindi ako makakapag swimsuit nito. Hahaha. Ang sarap kumain eh. Parang bumabawi ako sa 2yrs na laging panggabi sa work. Ngayon ko nararamdaman na normal ulet lahat. Kahit temporary, I am enjoying it. Sana tuloy-tuloy na…

Hi, sobrang tuwa ko nun nakaraang araw. After mag down ang pldt, the next day gumana na Five9 ko. Yung first live ko sa bahay maganda ang naging welcome kasi nagkarun ako ng $20 incentive. Hehehe. Saya di ba? It is so nice to be appreciated in whatever way sa mga ginagawa. Aaminin ko, nun lagi sablay ang pldt gusto ko na mag-give up. Parang hindi ko kaya i-handle yung issue. Iniiyakan ko problema. As if kayang gawan ng miracle ng pagiyak ko yung problema noh. Kung alam niyo lang kung anong dinaanan ng pc ko dahil sa pldt na yan. umabot na talaga sa point na nakikipag-away na ako sa kanila. mga supervisor ang contact ko kaya agaran ang action. Sinabi ko sa kanila na kapag hindi pa naayos ipapa-cancel ko na lang. Buti na lang at meron co-worker na malapit lang at hindi sabay ng shift ko kaya ok.Hindi na ako nagdadala pa ng pc.

Ngayon, tapos na yung campaign namin. Ano kaya ang susunod? Kaya habang wala pang update, uwi na muna ako ng Baguio para mabisita ko ang aking mahal na meron sakit. Thankful naman ako at discharged na siya ngayon sa hosp. Ilang araw din niya dun.

Sige, next time ulet. I need to pack up. .

Haaay, kung minamalas ka nga naman. Excited ako magwork dito sa bahay kaninang umaga. First live ko kumbaga kaso ang pldt nagkarun ng network maintenance. Ayan, nag-off tuloy ako ng wala sa oras. Tsk, sayang ang isang araw.

Eto pa, umuwi si Archie sa Baguio para dalawin papa niya na nasa hospital. Imbes na bumisita lang, pati siya na-admit. Umuwi siya ng Baguio kahit masama ang pakiramadam. Nun Sunday pa siya inuubo tas pabalik balik na lagnat. Ayun, sabi ng doctor meron siyang Pneumonia. Ngayon naka-off ako. Gusto ko siyang samahan pero pano? Hindi kasya ang isang araw unless magbalikan ako. Imbes na makausap ko si Erin, hindi na kasi nag down nga ang pldt :( Nakakafrustrate di ba? Kung kelan kelangan mo saka naman hindi maasahan. Kaya eto ako ngayon, nag waste ng isang araw kakahintay sa sagot ng boss ko. Gusto kong magrisk pero syempre, ke bago-bago kong empleyado puro na ako off. Kaya ok lang kahit hindi pumayag si Erin. Nakausap ko naman na si Archie and he understands. I just hope that he gets well soon :(

Ilang araw ko na ino-open ang blog ko pero hindi ako nagpopost. Kasi naman, sa dami ng pwede ikwento, hindi ko alam kung san maguumpisa. Nagpapasalamat na lang ako at hindi ako nakakalimutan ni God biyayaan despite my shortcomings.

Sa wakas, andito na ako sa trabahong gusto ko. Akala ko dati hanggang sa panaginip na lang ung naiisip kong pagtatrabaho sa loob ng bahay. Yun pala posibleng mangyari. Kaya tuwang-tuwa ako nun sabihin ni Prima na sa wfh siya work. Kelan pa yun, last year pa, August to be exact.

Nun sinabi ng mga kaibigan ko na walang benefits ang WFH, nagdalawang isip ako. Ilang buwan din ang lumipas bago ako nagdecide na lumipat na rin. Hindi ko na inisip ung mga benefits. Mas inisip ko yung advantage na makakasama ko mama ko lagi. Hindi na ako magaalala kapag lumalabas ako ng bahay sa gabi. Saka hindi na din magwo-worry mama ko na lumalabas ako ng dis-oras ng gabi. Dami nagtatanong kung bakit ako ang nagaalaga sa mom ko, simple lang sagot – kasi gusto ko. Hehehe. Kanya-kanyang likes lang naman eh. Basta walang pakialaman.

Lakas ng loob lang talaga sa bawat gagawin. Kung hindi rin lang ako natanggap sa wfh, sa Sykes pa rin talaga ako. Sobrang comfortable na kasi ako sa sistema nila. Saka yung mga naipundar kong investments eh galing lahat sa Sykes. Biruin mo, nun bagong dating ako dito sa Manila, ang dala ko lang eh isang manipis na mattress saka fan. Nakitira muna ako sa mga relatives ko sa Sampaloc. Na-experience ko yung pumasok na baha sa buong paligid. Hassle di ba? Gone were the days. Nasa SVI Connect palang ako dati. Pero nun nagkarun ng job fair ang Sykes, pinalad naman, ayun lumipat na ako. Mula nun, nakabili ako ng ref ko last Oct 2004. Tapos, last year naman Sony TV na 25inches naman ang nabili ko. Syempre apart na dun yung napundar kong mga beddings,etc. Ang sarap ng feeling na meron kang nakikitang product ng pinagpaguran. Sa condo na rin ako nakatira. Hehehe. Aside from these, meron din ako konting ipon sa bank.

I feel so blessed that I was able to mature. Ang dami kong natutunan mula nun magtrabaho ako. Naintindihan ko yung value ng money. Dati kasi nun college ako gastadora ako. Na-close ko 3x ang atm ko. Gang sa dumating sa point na hindi ako papaaralin dahil sa sobrang pasaway ko. Binigyan ako ng ultimatum, kapag na-close ko pa ulet atm ko, magsasarili na raw ako. Haaay, syempre di ko na ni-close. Hehehe. Ang masasabi ko lang, sariling disiplina lang talaga kung pano patakbuhin ang buhay. bow! Ang haba na pala ng nasulat ko? Waaaaaa! Sige next time ulet. Sana po hindi kita na-bore.

wholly molly! i felt like it was decades ago when i last made a post here. i really missed doing it. imagine how i have been de-stressing all of my frustrations in the past months? hell, it was terrible. But im glad to be back. its good to be home. hehehe

well, there have been a lot of things i had gone through. let me give you a random info on what i had been up to late last year:

October: still with macro. despite the increase in the volume of calls, i was able to enjoy working after bonding with my co-PARTS team. we meet on certain dates to celebrate, party out to have fun. we didnt miss a thing. i am glad to have met new friends that kept me going to work. and one more thing, i bought a tv - Sony Wega 25" with built-in radio with digital surround. whew!

November: hmm, we usually have the halloween celebration in the office right? it was the time that PARTS did participate well. and guess what, they were supposed to award the scariest look that same night but surprisingly, no announcement was made. do i have to wonder still? nah!

December: this is undeniably the happiest month of the year. bonuses, gifts, foods, etc is abundant everywhere. last dec 2004, i didnt leave a cent in my bonus. i spent it all in giving gifts to my whole family. i even took my mom to the supermarket, got her a cart and told her to pick whatever she can pick. hahaha! it was all cash out. but came dec last year, i did exactly the opposite. i didnt spend a penny on my bonus. i kept all of it. so my friends started to eny me. hihihi. here was what i did. its in my savings bank and earning. hehehe

*there is a lot to tell but i will save it for next post. its good to be back!