June 14, 2006

It has been June and I havent posted anything. Honestly, so much have been up to me right now. There have been changes, pains, happiness and what not. I feel swamped. I am flooded with a lot of arguments in my life, questions of how to handle tough situations in the nick of time. I didnt want to lay this information (in details) to you guys because I dont want circus. (naks, drama mode)

Sometimes I envy others like my age that can freely do what they want without minding other people. They can selfishly spend what they earn for things they want. I feel so ancient. At times when problems pour, I feel like I am too old to even live through it. I am not complaining but there are moments when I wish I could enjoy solitude. Of course, I sure know that it is bad to resent. But I feel like I have forgotten myself. What I have been doing is see how others, if they are ok, or if they need something. When would I feel taken care of? When would I feel like I am treated more than I treat them? Well I guess, this is how it is like to be a bread winner. I support my mom, is that enough explanation? Hehehe.

I realized that I am also weak in some areas where people think I am capable of fighting. There are instances when I feel like I wanna quit or turn my back on things. But no matter how much I try to deny it to myself, the truth will always be true. What I am sharing here may be fuzzy to you but heck I am throttled. I need to have some outlet for it. I get tired. And I feel like I have the world on my shoulders. Can somebody carry it for me, please? :(