im back. if you're gonna ask me how i spent my rest days, it was plainly rest at home. i rarely sit and watch television for a long time. but on wednesday night, i broke (slight) the record. it made me stay for quite sometime. it just feels bad that when you watch news, same issues are dealt. if its not the prices that raised or the stock market has dropped, its the president who has overly corrupted the minds of her countrymen.

i thought it was only the entertainment and fashion world that is interested on what are the current trends. i was wrong. the government also practices the same objective. whichever is the hot trend, they focus on it and flinch from previous problems unsettled. it is so frustrating that we still have a bulk of debatable national issues, which continually pile up and just leave it as is. i saw the news and it had been a week that people have concentrated on this audio cd thingy that allegedly accused arroyo for deception. the paraphernalia was credible. i heard it on TV and the voice really sounded like the president. apparently, it would really be her even if she insistently denies the issue. but on the contrary, im curious. if it were all a gimmickry, why settle for a negative joke instead of something helpful to the nation? is this the only instance that a conversation was recorded or should i say wiretapped? what initiated these people to come out of the open and expose such a huge controversy? is it for public interest or is it more of personal? what is the reason behind all these? let's find out...

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same night, my best friend came for a visit. she was with her bf err husband who is my friend, too. she's on her 5th month of pregnancy and her tummy doesnt look that unusual. hehehe. i mean, it isnt that big. maybe because she is voluptuous. oh well, like the usual, she shared how she is dealing with her chaotic brother and sister at home. by the way she lives just across mine. i used to envy her cause she can get anything she wants anytime. but then again, it made me think. it were all material things. what does material things do to me? physically, yes i'd look good and pleasant. but what can beauty do to a troubled mind? we joked that she might give birth ahead of time if she stays longer with her troublesome siblings. she totally agreed. hehehe. now i dont envy her. i learned that if i want something, i have to work hard for it and not depend on my family. i have also learned that it is best to live life with a peaceful mind rather than a wrecked one due to miserable circumstances. the only thing im glad about is that, my friend is a strong woman. being the eldest she has to be.

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on thursday, we had done some changes at home. i helped re-arrange the living room to look more different. it was a success. our condo looks cozier now than before. its great to have moments like this. it's a girl thing! hehehe

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right now, Rona and me are left at work whilst everyone in our team is having this big breakfast at Atchies. yeah, we're losers. what the heck! we'll be at the picnic anyway. hehehe. we're looking forward to it. besides, we're gonna have a feel good late lunch later at Italianni's. i think that would be on a par with the team breakfast. only, its just Rona and me. hehehe. no big fuss! it's fine with us. we love our work. naks! palibhasa walang choice kasi kami nasa shift. huhuhu. there will still be next time (i hope) so we could make up for that.

i just finished watching "how to lose a guy in 10 days" i have watched it the Nth time now. i like this movie so much. its like women are from venus and men are from mars. hehehe. its plot showed the differences between guys and gals. i liked how guys are dominated over women. talk about girl power. and i like Kate Hudson. she's such a babe. hihihi. of course, her bro Oliver still rules. Mahal ko siya! Matthew is a hunk too. i've seen him act in "a time to kill" it was one hell of a movie that got me teary-eyed.

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it's my off tomorrow and friday. i deserve a long sleep. i dont have to wake up so early in the morning to dress up for work. atleast i have 2 days to enjoy that :(

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i almost had this argument with my mom. good thing i was able to divert it at once. sometimes i just cant help myself but comment on certain situations which are uninvited. i completely understand her stand and im not gonna rob her freedom for that. anyway, it ended up fine.

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yesterday, i helped my niece with her assignments. i had to exercise my brain once in a while and check if it still has fuel or emptied. hehehe. i heard her say she was tasked to report on their class. i think she's doing pretty well in school trying to make up. she said her classmates were telling her to run for class president. hmmm, welcome duties and responsibilities. she's anxious about it. it's gonna be tough for her - being a transferee. i just wish her the best and hopes that she will enjoy her last year in high school.

i miss school. good thing im gonna start my class hopefully tomorrow. i hope that this will start to fulfill my future dreams. i have much to accomplish this time. im deeply praying for it. i am a girl who wants spontaneity. as much as i can hold and acquire new knowledge, i would not close the opportunity of learning them. it will soon serve me something good and rely on in the future. the fact is, i dont know how long i can last being on the zone i am right now. im glad i belong to where everyone is (somewhat) comfortable. but most often, i have moments to think about on what i really want. still, my dreams 5 years before and 5 years from now remains. i wanna be in places, learn different cultures and people. i wanna be a multi-lingual person as i have started years back. but then i was led to another dream where im presently at.

someday, somehow i want to pass on to my children the hardwork i have gone through in fulfilling my dreams. nothing glorious is done the easy way, you have to learn it the hard way. and i still am learning it more...

i was doing the best i could to make non-work related stuffs out of my mind but when all system tools gets down, hello to blog!

i was reading blogs of different people from Paula Peralejo to Ala Paredes then Bianca Gonzales and the like. then i went to visit a less-important person who had been part of my past. just like how he described himself on his blog, he is one diverse person - which is not such gwapo points for me. hehehe good thing it didnt last. im not trying to prejudice. but what the heck, this is my site. i can write whatever i wanna write. Its my way of expressing my freedom. anyway, he's an a**

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yesterday when i reached home. i had a moment of conversation with my niece. it seldom happens. why? cause we argue a lot. she's like my kid sister. she grew up with me. having the same 2nd name is ok but having the same birthday is too much, dont you think? so we often clash. hehehe

anyways, my mom and her just moved in with me here this year. obviously, she transferred school. she had her first class yesterday. and i was glad to hear that she found new friends (i just can't tell if they are true friends now) based on her story, she'd been good. she have shown interest by doing a lot of recitation. hmmm... then came their math subject. i grinned when i heard her comment that her teacher was well, sorry for the term but she called her dim-witted. she said that the teacher was giving a wrong solution on the board. my niece said that the correct equation for length is 2x + 3. and the teacher was giving 2x + 2. whoa! she knows about it. geeez, i could hardly remember anything i've learned. talk about numbers. she was then raising her hand to correct the teacher. but then the teacher kept on explaining as if my niece was invisible. hehehe. i told my niece not to tell her classmates that she came from a science school so they wont expect too much from her. so far, everything is doing fine for the three of us. we just cant help but be bugged by non-stop texts from untrusted people back home. well, that's life. it's not always christmas :)

yesterday, i ran into Paula Peralejo's blog. i was reading it for hours. i never thought that she would be as transparent as she is on her blog. she is a smart lass. her entries were inspirational :) i was just wondering how she remembered every detail of what has happened to her in a day to jot it all down. unlike me, if i start writing my own entries, i could barely start. there are so many things to write about but i could hardly organize which to write first. so i always end up on just one particular topic.

on our way home (me and Rona), a lady who was in front of us was stared by men who passed by. they stare straight on her chest. i thought it was just one guy who noticed. then comes another, then one more, and more. it made me ask, are guys really born like that? sometimes it made me think, are they appreciating the beauty of women? or are women just born temptress? if im gonna ask a guy about this, i sure will get the same answer. and of course, they'll surely defend their ego.

during the homily when i attended mass yesterday, the priest was discussing what people have been minding lately. he said that people nowadays are more conscious with their physical appearance. they make sure they go to the gym to look great. they want to look pleasant all the time. he said that they are using the media to promote such. at some point, i agree to this. they are using the different kinds of medium to advertise. what i dont or never really liked about the media (which is why i didnt last working with 'em) is that, all they show are just what the common people are dreaming of. i mean in reality, not all people are looking great or influent. they have forgotten the real-world. that, to look good is not the main purpose of each human being. call me old-fashioned or pathetic but think again, when was the last time you had a moment with Him? instead of thanking Him, others would thank the doctor for a job well done on her chest. tsk tsk tsk. why cant we simply feel content with what we have? it is so frustrating at times.

it's a brand new month. i was caught up in the middle of a traffic jam this morning on my way to work. thanks to taxi, i was able to reach work before time hits 5:30am.

amidst all these posts and outpour of emotions, there are still things i cannot fully outgrow inside me. sometimes i'm running out of patience battling survival everyday. i fear that i'm losing all the strength i have. Have you ever felt so helpless before that you wished to just cease life? That, no matter how you struggle and fight back all the barriers, you never win?

i'm in my lowest point right now. i want to cry but my heart is stopping me. i cannot show how i feel infront of my mom cause i know she'll feel sorry for me. i want to hold on more but subconsciously, my heart wants to stop beating. i know i shouldnt worry cause i have the Highness taking charge of my life. but then i ask, am i doing His purpose?

i hope someday, somehow He'll give me the answer...

i'm still on the verge of disappointment. i saw you and all i could feel is betrayal. you have the nerve to slam the door or drop things you're holding with a heavy heart infront of me. i think i should be the one acting like that cause im the victim here.

i've known you for 13yrs. the second closest friend i ever have. what makes it so hard for you to admit your fault? i don't need your answer. it's written all over your face. you don't have a sorry heart. what can pride do to you? where have all your spiritual commitment gone? i just can't believe myself but i have seen enough to prove that you are too good to be true. i have already forgiven you the nth time again. but don't expect me to treat you the way i did before. you have long tested my endurance, my trust in you, and especially our friendship.

it pains me to lose a friend but what the heck, you don't give a damn, not even a single drop of shame do you have in your system. it's time for me to believe my loved ones. i've had enough generosity to you. i've treated your family like my own. im a good friend but i could be your worst enemy. for i know my stand and i know the truth. stop acting like the victim.

i have been tired.

life really sucks! i know i dont have to ask why, but it just sucks! God is so good to create people with various personalities. what's ironic is that no matter how enormous the world; opposite personalities still get to deal with each other and start creating a row. isn't it annoying when here you are, so disciplined and sensitive, considerate and what not. comes the villain exactly the opposite of what you are and starts stabbing you at the back, taking you for granted or simply - using other people. it's so sickening. what is more ridiculous than being one of 'em. i just hate it. people with this kind of illogical behavior are real pain in the a**. geez... i must say, im (a bit) an enduring person. but when insensitive freaks provoke me, i come out of my shell and scream out loud what i feel.

why is it too darn difficult for other people to think what is good from right. i' m not perfect but what i wanna say, why are these people so insensitive, disrespectful of whatever situation they are in to. they just do what they wanna do without any consideration or even thinking that maybe they have stepped on other people's stuffs.

if you think you're smart, oh please. don't believe your instincts too much nor be convinced that you are good looking. you may have (a bit) the looks but i dread your character. let me ask, did you ever had a special someone? none that i can recall. maybe you start asking yourself. others might just be dreading you too. so please, keep your feet on the ground. drool over. you're just daydreaming. cut the crap. how else should i say? tell me which would you understand.

i'd been so patient and kind whenever you needed help. but what do i get from you, not a simple word, as thank you. youre a selfish bitch. you're just the exact opposite of what your family thinks of you. why, why are you so insensitive? people who are smart knows how to weigh things and clever enough to classify which is a good idea from not. but you, your motto is simple "ah, what the heck. this is not mine anyway so be it" this is how you treat other people's things, or even feelings. you've totally disappointed me. you regained my trust after a historic event few years ago. now here you are again. wrecking the ship that is calmly sailing. when will you start realizing that you are just like everyone else? you are not a god. slap! slap! slap! do you feel it? NO, cause you're a heartless insensitive freak!

its almost 3am. 2hours more and im out to spend another weekend. but not for long cause im gonna start work on sunday morning. nothing peculiar or mushy happened to me in 3days after my long vacation. it was pure work-sleep-work mode. its payday. thanks for that. i still have to rush to the bookstore and buy school supplies i promised to my nieces. you just cant say no to them. anyway, its my way of sharing and i wanna do it.

it's been days since i am feeling this anxiety. my good friend is "suffering" from severe heart ache whilst for me, im feeling the reciprocate. after i turned 2yrs with my significant other, it seems that everything is moving forward to both of us. we both feel that maybe, its time for us to be one. but then, we are closely tied to our families and that we cant decide that instant on what we want to do. there are a lot to consider which we are trying to hold on. we can unite now but we dont want our families to suffer financially. so we have to work hard and earn for it till the day comes. i've found the person i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. the man that i have been praying. i hope that everything goes well to the two of us. if you are reading this, i wanna let you know that no matter where life takes us, may you be sleeping or not, for as long as your heart beats, i love you dearly ... awww!

im back. id been off work for 4 days. i must say, it was a good time to let loose. let me share to you tidbits on how ive spent each day:

21: i got home passed 6am after a short meeting at work, slept for 3hrs. had to pack up my stuff for the trip. the original plan was, to pack all our stuffs for 4 days but then mom was teasing me. she said that people might misunderstood us (me and A-kid) running away. hehehe. so, i unpacked some things and planned to pick it up on our way home. we left mnl at 7:30pm and reached destination at 11:15pm. since it is a province, expect the wedding traditions to be mushy. they had disperas - like a "dance all night party" before the wedding kind of stuff. A-kid's mom was asking over text if we were joining the dance party. only to find out that lights are out due to heavy rain and thunderstorms. geez...of course, we preferred to sleep and get rested for the wedding the next day.

22: it was a long winding trip looking over the clear and quiet sky whilst seeing the ricefields wave as if welcoming us on our way. there was a ongoing mass when we reached the church. so we still had the time to chit-chat at one corner while waiting for it to end. just an fyi, this was my first time to meet the relatives of A-kid so i felt butterflies in my stomach. feeling i could not explain. like questions of being rejected or accepted. to my surprise, it was peachy. the buzzing part is when im introduced to each relative. they were commenting the same thing, like we will be the next in line. hmmm, should i take that as a compliment? the bride did not even take the effort to throw the bouquet. she handed it to me, that easy. and yada-yada-yada.

23: when we reached mnl to pick up our stuffs going to PG, mr. rain was pouring heavily that made us apprehensive of going or not. to add, my mom dreamt that me and a-kid was travelling when his parents came looking for us. only to find out that we were found inside a box. isn't that freaky? how else will you be convinced to travel? before i forget, this is the special day. its our 2nd yr old together. we shifted to plan B since our PG travel did not push thru. we spent it with mom and my niece out. it was a food galore instead of a nature adventure. it was fun after all.

24: still at home doing some interior decoration with our new room. thanks to A-kid for all the help. it was exhausting to do all the chores but it was cool spending time with my loved ones. my days off was worth it. the good and the bad things worked out just the way it had to be. its one good list of memories to recall.

friday oh friday! yahoo. im doing my best to feel the spirit of the weekend. everything was doing so well when i learned that my sibling wanted my mom back home. she wanted her back because she'll be leaving the country and nobody is gonna take care of her 3-year-old son. why is this so? not that im being selfish but i wanted time with my mom. she'd been taking care of her grandchildren almost all her life since time immemorial.she's here cause i wanted her to rest. she's not getting any younger. and she deserves to be taken care of in return.

i cant blame my sister. she couldnt trust any other person. a househelp is not even close to solving the issue. this made me cry yesterday. i felt that they were too selfish not to let my mom rest and enjoy even for sometime. mom deserves the freedom to atleast be away from my wayward nephews and even nieces. all of 'em are on toddler stage. just imagine my mom surrounded by these kids. "lola here, lola there"

i salute my mom. you see, even my siblings at times cant control their own children. but my mom, she can easily pacify the child. she is great with it. i think she have mastered the craft of being a mother, grandma, and wife. well, shes the best in the world! i love her so much. shes worth everything i am now.

anyway, its already saturday and im pretty excited. ill be going to pangasinan with my significant other to attend his cousin's wedding. have to pack up all stuff. after the wedding, we will be heading back to mnl straight to jam liner. yes, this is going to batangas pier. yup, i think you are getting the hint. puerto galera! we will be celebrating a very speacial day. its gonna be fun on a long weekend. i hope everything goes well. be back on wednesday. ciao!

its thursday, one more day and another work week is over. if you notice, i get to write a journal mostly of my frustrations than otherwise. i dont know. maybe because if im happy, i ran out of words to express how much i feel.

this coming saturday night, there will be a huge party to be held at my officemates mansion. this party is gonna highlight a lot of reasons to enjoy. promotions, welcome party to newbies, birthdays, etc. im not a party freak since i got here in manila. but then, i wanted to break that record and join this party. sadly, i cant cause ill be out of town to attend a wedding. im also on leave on monday and tuesday, which means, im out for a summer getaway. im looking forward to it.

Hi, sorry that I dont get to visit my blog that often. I kind of hated what have become of me since I moved here in Manila. Everything seemed to have changed. Ive changed a lot. Change is good as long as it is for the better but in my case, its otherwise. Ive become so immobile. I was stock-still at my daily routine of going to work and home.

Well, yeah going to the mall at times. The fact, I just live a block away from the mall. I may be ridiculous but Im not really that much of a mall-girl. You know, like spend hours in the mall window shopping etc. I only visit the mall when I am buying something. I think my life is boring. I mean for a girl, mine is too lame not to enjoy. Sigh. Maybe I just have a different sense of enjoyment. Like nature tripping, go roller-blading. Partying with good old friends back at home.

When I was in Baguio, I used to be an outgoing person. I cant live a day without seeing my friends, enjoying the walk in the ever-famous session road. Eating a slice of black forest cake at the Tea House, having a pasta fiesta at Swiss Baker, and playing tennis in Green Valley. And oh, I just miss Don Henricos pizza. The DH pizza here is not as good as that in Baguio. Belisima! I miss my previous works. I miss writing news in publications, I miss being a college teacher, and I miss working as Information Officer, which brought me to places I have never expected to go to. If only the govt and/or other private companies could sustain a wage that is reasonable for us, I wouldnt have replaced it with an irrational customer I deal with 5 days a week. Sadly, our banana republic will never have a social dynamic order I guess. Lets see, I could be wrong.

Sigh. I just had to make a major decision in moving here for work. This is for the obvious reason that job opportunity there is not as rampant as what is here. Im supporting my mom that is why Ive worked my ass out to make it here. Yes, this is my own decision to help her. My mom has a heart failure and shes 67 now. Im just trying to say thank you for taking good care of me by the help Im giving her. And Im letting her know that while she is still with me, physically. Im not blaming her for my boring life Im having here in Manila. There are just but moments that I ask.

I dont know if my move of going here is such a good idea. It is, financially and personally I guess–like my own fulfillment for being independent from my family. Other than that, I have been through a lot of trouble. I mean serious trouble that almost killed me. I dont want to put it into details cause it is still haunting me at times. Though Im doing my best to forget about it and just move forward without looking back. And I could not stop thanking Him for sparing me another life.

I think what happened back then made me become this frigid. I just thought one moment that I have been missing a lot. It made me feel scared. Frankly, I dont even watch TV. I couldnt stand in front of it. Its like my bed is always calling me to sleep. Cause Im at peace when sleeping. Its my only escape from work, noises etc. Ive been such a waste. I dont want to end regretful. Im starting to move forward by studying Spanish soon. This is going to be my fallback in case I ran out of patience or one day I wake up and got tired of what I do. Atleast, Ive got something to look forward to.