im back. id been off work for 4 days. i must say, it was a good time to let loose. let me share to you tidbits on how ive spent each day:

21: i got home passed 6am after a short meeting at work, slept for 3hrs. had to pack up my stuff for the trip. the original plan was, to pack all our stuffs for 4 days but then mom was teasing me. she said that people might misunderstood us (me and A-kid) running away. hehehe. so, i unpacked some things and planned to pick it up on our way home. we left mnl at 7:30pm and reached destination at 11:15pm. since it is a province, expect the wedding traditions to be mushy. they had disperas - like a "dance all night party" before the wedding kind of stuff. A-kid's mom was asking over text if we were joining the dance party. only to find out that lights are out due to heavy rain and thunderstorms. geez...of course, we preferred to sleep and get rested for the wedding the next day.

22: it was a long winding trip looking over the clear and quiet sky whilst seeing the ricefields wave as if welcoming us on our way. there was a ongoing mass when we reached the church. so we still had the time to chit-chat at one corner while waiting for it to end. just an fyi, this was my first time to meet the relatives of A-kid so i felt butterflies in my stomach. feeling i could not explain. like questions of being rejected or accepted. to my surprise, it was peachy. the buzzing part is when im introduced to each relative. they were commenting the same thing, like we will be the next in line. hmmm, should i take that as a compliment? the bride did not even take the effort to throw the bouquet. she handed it to me, that easy. and yada-yada-yada.

23: when we reached mnl to pick up our stuffs going to PG, mr. rain was pouring heavily that made us apprehensive of going or not. to add, my mom dreamt that me and a-kid was travelling when his parents came looking for us. only to find out that we were found inside a box. isn't that freaky? how else will you be convinced to travel? before i forget, this is the special day. its our 2nd yr old together. we shifted to plan B since our PG travel did not push thru. we spent it with mom and my niece out. it was a food galore instead of a nature adventure. it was fun after all.

24: still at home doing some interior decoration with our new room. thanks to A-kid for all the help. it was exhausting to do all the chores but it was cool spending time with my loved ones. my days off was worth it. the good and the bad things worked out just the way it had to be. its one good list of memories to recall.

friday oh friday! yahoo. im doing my best to feel the spirit of the weekend. everything was doing so well when i learned that my sibling wanted my mom back home. she wanted her back because she'll be leaving the country and nobody is gonna take care of her 3-year-old son. why is this so? not that im being selfish but i wanted time with my mom. she'd been taking care of her grandchildren almost all her life since time immemorial.she's here cause i wanted her to rest. she's not getting any younger. and she deserves to be taken care of in return.

i cant blame my sister. she couldnt trust any other person. a househelp is not even close to solving the issue. this made me cry yesterday. i felt that they were too selfish not to let my mom rest and enjoy even for sometime. mom deserves the freedom to atleast be away from my wayward nephews and even nieces. all of 'em are on toddler stage. just imagine my mom surrounded by these kids. "lola here, lola there"

i salute my mom. you see, even my siblings at times cant control their own children. but my mom, she can easily pacify the child. she is great with it. i think she have mastered the craft of being a mother, grandma, and wife. well, shes the best in the world! i love her so much. shes worth everything i am now.

anyway, its already saturday and im pretty excited. ill be going to pangasinan with my significant other to attend his cousin's wedding. have to pack up all stuff. after the wedding, we will be heading back to mnl straight to jam liner. yes, this is going to batangas pier. yup, i think you are getting the hint. puerto galera! we will be celebrating a very speacial day. its gonna be fun on a long weekend. i hope everything goes well. be back on wednesday. ciao!

its thursday, one more day and another work week is over. if you notice, i get to write a journal mostly of my frustrations than otherwise. i dont know. maybe because if im happy, i ran out of words to express how much i feel.

this coming saturday night, there will be a huge party to be held at my officemates mansion. this party is gonna highlight a lot of reasons to enjoy. promotions, welcome party to newbies, birthdays, etc. im not a party freak since i got here in manila. but then, i wanted to break that record and join this party. sadly, i cant cause ill be out of town to attend a wedding. im also on leave on monday and tuesday, which means, im out for a summer getaway. im looking forward to it.

Hi, sorry that I dont get to visit my blog that often. I kind of hated what have become of me since I moved here in Manila. Everything seemed to have changed. Ive changed a lot. Change is good as long as it is for the better but in my case, its otherwise. Ive become so immobile. I was stock-still at my daily routine of going to work and home.

Well, yeah going to the mall at times. The fact, I just live a block away from the mall. I may be ridiculous but Im not really that much of a mall-girl. You know, like spend hours in the mall window shopping etc. I only visit the mall when I am buying something. I think my life is boring. I mean for a girl, mine is too lame not to enjoy. Sigh. Maybe I just have a different sense of enjoyment. Like nature tripping, go roller-blading. Partying with good old friends back at home.

When I was in Baguio, I used to be an outgoing person. I cant live a day without seeing my friends, enjoying the walk in the ever-famous session road. Eating a slice of black forest cake at the Tea House, having a pasta fiesta at Swiss Baker, and playing tennis in Green Valley. And oh, I just miss Don Henricos pizza. The DH pizza here is not as good as that in Baguio. Belisima! I miss my previous works. I miss writing news in publications, I miss being a college teacher, and I miss working as Information Officer, which brought me to places I have never expected to go to. If only the govt and/or other private companies could sustain a wage that is reasonable for us, I wouldnt have replaced it with an irrational customer I deal with 5 days a week. Sadly, our banana republic will never have a social dynamic order I guess. Lets see, I could be wrong.

Sigh. I just had to make a major decision in moving here for work. This is for the obvious reason that job opportunity there is not as rampant as what is here. Im supporting my mom that is why Ive worked my ass out to make it here. Yes, this is my own decision to help her. My mom has a heart failure and shes 67 now. Im just trying to say thank you for taking good care of me by the help Im giving her. And Im letting her know that while she is still with me, physically. Im not blaming her for my boring life Im having here in Manila. There are just but moments that I ask.

I dont know if my move of going here is such a good idea. It is, financially and personally I guess–like my own fulfillment for being independent from my family. Other than that, I have been through a lot of trouble. I mean serious trouble that almost killed me. I dont want to put it into details cause it is still haunting me at times. Though Im doing my best to forget about it and just move forward without looking back. And I could not stop thanking Him for sparing me another life.

I think what happened back then made me become this frigid. I just thought one moment that I have been missing a lot. It made me feel scared. Frankly, I dont even watch TV. I couldnt stand in front of it. Its like my bed is always calling me to sleep. Cause Im at peace when sleeping. Its my only escape from work, noises etc. Ive been such a waste. I dont want to end regretful. Im starting to move forward by studying Spanish soon. This is going to be my fallback in case I ran out of patience or one day I wake up and got tired of what I do. Atleast, Ive got something to look forward to.

Hi, its been a while since my last post. I went to visit home for 3 days. Sadly, I got back sick. Though I got well pretty fast. Thanks to Archie.

I have been through a lot of thinking lately. Some confusion and indecisions are playing seesaw in my mind. Its all about work, how to feel content with what I have. There are moments when I think of moving out because of reasons that are simply beyond my control. The thing that confuses me a lot is that, why are people who have good jobs still leave? They love the work. The compensation is perfect. But why leave? I guess the reasons behind these are the culprits. It could be the company, its policies or just some airhead's fault. In my case, its the latter's. Have you ever been to a situation when you knew you are doing the right thing but because of power and subordination, you end up the villain? That sucks, right? Hell, yes. And no matter how much you fight for your right, you still end up the loser. Those people with power should help you improve in ways that you take your alleged "mistake" as a fulfillment and not otherwise. But their policy is a crap. I'm not saying this out of one incident but Im pointing out things in general. If you are a leader, from the word itself - you should be the one to lead. Lead in ways that other people would respect and trust you. Make sure that you are a master of your own craft. Dont put your people into the hot plate. You know, I tried putting myself onto the shoes of a leader. And on the way their policy works, I am not helping my people to be motivated. Instead it humiliated them. Why, because we dont deal with the problem face-to-face. Its through writing and this includes all other powerful people to witness. In this process, do you think you are helping the person improve? Well, think again. Its a public ridicule. People are personally ridiculed in the process. This is a reality check.

Despite this helpless situation, at some point Im holding back. Im being stopped by reasons that would mean risk, which is why I ended up thinking. Sigh...I just hope for a happy ending.

Frustrated...wasted...cheated...how long am I gonna prolong the agony. This week had been so rough on me. On Monday, I got a call...a prospective "future holder". Apparently I felt happy, hopeful of what it may do to change me. But on Tuesday, I dreaded it. Cause the call was re-scheduled and I dont know when. I didnt like everything that happened. I wasnt able to log out from work which totally screwed up my records, I was notified again by my supervisor for some allegedly misunderstood workflow which they recommended I do re-training. And you know what's pissy, they get to notice each move I do when hell, I am doing my job. I should have not talked; I should have kept it to myself. But what the heck, I cant take the silence. So I had to say what I felt inside. Im no hypocrite. Im a human being with feelings. It doesnt mean that respect stops with the bosses. I deserve that, too.
Outside work, I feel no difference at all and this makes it so pathetic cause Im a prisoner of my own self. I have an enemy from within me. Someone who is pushing me to fight back, who is trying to steal my soul of kindness from reality. Someone who is dragging me to be rude, to hate everyone that I deal with. This may be a matter of stress. Stress is the major villain. No matter how much I outpour my emotion if everyday I deal with it, Im no good to anything. What is plan B? Im still waiting for answers. Tangible reasons to make my move...

Libra in 2005: Expansion is the theme

Flex your muscles, friend Libra, and prepare for a relatively easy ride. With beneficent Jupiter in your sign, this is definitely your year, especially where your social life is concerned. Happiness and enjoyment lie ahead. If you're not presently married, and want to be, you just might wed by the end of the year. This is the year you're going to be doing a lot of travel and learning about your world, as expansion is the theme. The one department of life that may not quite be as hopeful as you'd like could be your career, where advancement may be slow and satisfaction rare. By year's end, you may find yourself seriously considering a major change - all for the best.

My oh my, I dont know if I should feel happy about these or just give it a shrug. I just cant figure out how people get these kinds of prediction. It amazing cause it matches. Last month, my mom was asking Archie if he's ready to marry me on December of this year. That is one match. Another, I have plans of going to Hongkong to spend my birthday. Geeez, freaky but I dont wanna put it on my head. It could just be a mere coincidence. A simple manifestation of hope. Oh well, if it does come true then i'll just have to deal with it.
It's thursday. Thank God, one more day and it's another wacky weekend. I wont have to spend hours sitting infront a 19" monitor, a non-fashionable telephony that you have to deal with, a terrible headset to wear...sigh.well, it is my food for living. so i just have to face that fact...to live with it...ugh.
Archie's mom called me a while ago asking for her son. Mom was worried how her only child is doing. It's pretty odd cause I know he's perfectly fine. Not to know, that his son has not been getting in touch with them for three days and hell, her mom is getting really worried. I noticed it on her voice. Tsk tsk tsk. His parents will be coming next week to celebrate Archie's bday. Yup, he'll be 24 and I havent decided what to give him. hehehe. Though he already had his wishlists. On top of it was laptop, oakley glasses, white gold bracelet, wallet and bag. Atop all of these is actually a sports car that for sure am not financially capable of. His parents can but they just dont wanna give him. They fear on how their son is gonna handle it. I mean, being the only son, I bet they can't gamble with circumstances. I'm referring to how Archie is crazy about cars. He loves watching grand prix and F1 race. So they kind of fear about that. Well, they dont wanna lose their only gem. Its crazy but his phone is full of ferrari wallpapers and themes more than my own picture. Atleast i know its a car he's crazy with and not another Gail...
Salary is here but damn, it'll just slip in my hands. I have to pay a lotta expenses. Sigh. So much for now. Til next time. Au revoir

yahoo! friday na. i cant wait to go home for the weekends. syempre, i'll get to see my better half. hirap talaga kapag magkalayo, we always miss each other. sigh...
i hope everything is gonna do well this year, tama nga ata ung mga beliefs paminsan-minsan. kasi nun new year's eve, my family prepared round fruits. meron pang bulak. i asked what's it for, sabi para daw maging magaan ang buhay. im starting to think that it could be true cause i dont feel that stressful now. hehehe, syempre ayoko naman i dominate ung power ni God. ay naku, sa susunod na lang ulit kasi kung ano-ano na nasasabi ko. palibhasa antok na. c ya

its thursday. thanks God lapit na ang weekend. isang araw na pasukan na lang at rest day ko na. yey! im so happy to have found new friends at work. during the first 2 months of my transfer, i had a difficult time adjusting with the system. but thanks to my new found friends that is keeping me hold on. dati, wala akong gana pumasok kasi na-trauma ako sa PING. pero nun tumagal, naging ok na. and im having fun now. nagkakasundo naman kami so far sa kalokohan, sa point of views. hehehe, i must say we stand on to what we believe.
kanina nun pauwi kami ni Rona, dun sa stairs pa-akyat sa mrt...nagulat ako sa nakita kong mama na namamalimos hawak nya ung anak nya na me hydrocephalus. hindi nakita ni Rona. dinaanan lang namin sya nun una, pero nun nasa escalator na kami parang nalungkot ako sa nakita ko. so kinuwento ko ke Rona. di kasi sya tumingin. palibhasa, d tumitingin sa lupa ang lola Rona. hehehe. binalikan namin para mag-abot ng pera. sana lang gamitin un sa maayos na paraan at hindi gamitin ung kapansanan bata para kumita ng pera. nakakaawa kasi ung itsura nya. anyway, un lang naman ung nagawa namin na mabuti ngayong araw na to.

its again another brand new day. i slept straight for 7 hours today, still not enough :( i got disturbed by my sis' call. she called up to tell me to stay alert cause she read in the papers that an earthquake will strike Philippines in relation to that tsunami attack. i didnt like that news cause it always reminds me of the earth shake in Baguio. i didnt believe of course. well, i don't want to. she even explained that the tectonic plate is in between Indonesia and Philippines. oh good Lord is getting furious over us. though some publications allegedly claims that the tsunami is a man-made thing. like, maybe they're testing nuclear weapons. this could be, but then its too inhumane for them to have thought of it.
anyway, for a change...naiyak ako kanina kasi nagsitext ung mga pamangkin ko back home to say thanks dun sa mga gifts na bigay ko sa kanila. tears of joy. la lang, im such a cry baby and i feel good with simple thank you's. it may be a small thing to other people but it sure is a big thing for me and it's a nice thing to start the day.

yahoo

ang bilis ng araw lumipas pag nasa labas ako ng work.pero pag andito ako, sobrang bagal :( di ko na rin napigilan pag-alis nina mama. di bale, una ako sa list ng mag vl sa 31st. yahoo! sa wakas, makakapagbakasyon na rin ako.5 days rin un including my 2 days off. i'll get to visit home.

im feeling so sleepy and wasted today. i couldnt work well with my craft. im talking non sense. ill save it for next time.

2005

yehey! bagong taon na. isang taon na rin ako sa work. haaaay! ang bilis lumipas ng araw.
WRAP UP on New Year's Eve:
first time namin ng mama ko mag spend ng new year dito sa manila. so far so good naman. dun lang kami sa condo nag celebrate together with my 2 nieces and my older sibling. parang sobrang dami namin sa bahay dahil sa ingay. buti nga nakauwi ako nun from work. since kami lang, we just had cake, spaghetti, pizza, kare-kare and kaldereta to eat. syempre, hindi mawawala ung mga round fruits. masaya naman kahit pano. though iba pa rin ung spirit kapag nasa sarili kang bahay. hmmm, napilitan nga lang magcelebrate dito sina mama kasi wala akong kasama. umuwi lahat ng kasama ko sa bahay. but im making sure that this year, ako na ang umuwi. d kasi ako nakapag-file ng leave e, naubusan. bawi ako ngayon. hehehe. tumalon pa nga ako baka sakaling meron pang naiiwang pag-asa para lumaki ako. hihihi.
TODAY:
early today, medyo busy wrapping gifts. yes, delayed gifts for my nephews and nieces back home in Kalinga. uuwi na kasi sina mama tomorrow. first time kong bumili ng gifts to give out. ang sarap ng feeling na nakakagulat kasi nabubutas bulsa. hehehe. bunso kasi ako and im used to the fact na ako nireregalohan lagi. that was before, nun musmos pa ako. nun me gatas pa ako sa labi, ngayon nasa buhok ko na. mali! hindi na gatas nasa labi ko, laway na. nyahahaha! though andun pa rin ung pagiging baby ko kasi super alaga parin ako nina mama and my sister. nakakahiya man sabihin pero they are always making sure na ok ako sa lahat ng bahay. ung cabinet ko, maayos. ala prinsesa na ang itsura ng kwarto ko sa mga nilagay na curtains. hehehe. tinutukso ako nun una kasi madilim daw. un nga ung gusto ko mangyari, ung maging madilim kasi sa araw ako tulog. pwede na raw tawaging dark room at mag develop ng film. loko nila ako. archie dropped by to give his pasalubong for me, fresh strawberries and my all time fave lengua. dala rin nya ung pinabili ni mari na Romana peanut brittle. sinipag ang baby ko magdala. hehehe, certified pa naman un sa katamaran magbuhat ng marami kapag nagtatravel. ang taba ko raw sabi niya :( e sya naman ang malaki ang tiyan! hmp. kung hindi ko lang sya mahal...naku! hihihi. sigh, now im back for work. tapos na ang sandaling kaligayahan ko during my rest days. uuwi na sina mama, balik sa normal na naman ang buhay ko. bahay trabaho na naman ako. gusto ko nga sana sumama kaya lang kulang lang ung time ko dun kaya mag vl na lang ako para mas matagal. i've gotta lot of plans this year and that im pretty excited what God has for me. o sya, andito na makukulit kong friends. hehehe. tom ulit!