It's time to say goodbye to my old blog layout. I had been using the blog frocks skin courtesy of Ice's creativity for 4 years. This is the only time I had freely wanted to change to a new look. Nevertheless, thank you Ice for the beautiful layout I had been using to post moments of my life.

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Today was such a tedious day spent at work. So many things to do yet so little time. I'm glad to make it today. Wohoo! Except that I still have 3 more working days of torture at work. Huhu, I can't wait for next week. Ok guys, it's sleeping time. I'll post some more once I get a chance. Have a goodnight sleep y'all. Muah!

Whoa, time flies so fast I didn’t realize it took me over 2 weeks to update my blog. I’ve been caught up with work a lot lately. Sigh, I’m feeling pretty exhausted with just a little amount of time to spare. I only had a day to rest. Poor me, I had to stretch the day in doing all of my chores i.e. attend mass, going to the grocery, ironing clothes and the cooking. I think to multi-task is not only applied at work but also in our daily stuffs especially without anyone to rely on but ourselves. It sucks big time! I’d really like to trade places with Posh Beckham who multi-tasks in lavish ways i.e. being a mom, wife to famous husband, shopping shoes, bags, a jet-setter, etc. Haha!

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Last Friday May 23, Archie and I went to dine at Tony Roma’s in celebration to our 5th year together. Weee! It was definitely memorable. We had a sumptuous meal. Yum! I missed eating steak so much. We’re both a fan of steaks but I rarely see restaurants that cater to it here, or maybe I wasn’t too much of an explorer to check out all the places, I could be wrong though. I remember back in the Philippines we are one of the frequent diners of this local steakhouse in Baguio called Sizzling Plate. They serve the best Australian Porterhouse in the city. Well, no place like home they say, hehe. Anyway, I’d like to treasure that night not only for the superb meal but for the reason of celebrating. It is cliché but I gotta say, 5 years is FIVE years. Hehe, I’m grateful to have such a wonderful boyfriend who understands and accepts the best and WORST of me. I love you! Hugs and Kisses!

On Saturday, I attended our company sponsored training titled The Art of Service held at the Singapore Orchid Country Club. Goodness! The place is really at the far end of where I stay. Huhu, I had to wake up some 3-hours before call time to get ready, aiyu! But despite the hassle, I did enjoy the training. It was an added experience and an opportunity to mingle with colleagues. Oh and I love the place, it was so serene. Wish I could stay there longer. Hehe (in my dreams) One more thing, for the first time, I got to play soccer – in the car park. Haha! Nice, right? Overall, it was a fun-packed weekend. What about you, how did you spend your weekend? Ciao!

Clockwise from the top: at the famous Esplanade, at the Merlion

with Spiderman, at Raffles Place, with housemates, with Archie,

and the goofin face

Center: dinner with colleagues at Newton Circus

Hi, it’s been a long time since I visited my site. Thanks to Rona for the reminder. Sorry guys if you keep on visiting without any new update.

So what have I been up to lately? After my last post, a lot had happened.

I resigned, left home because I wanted so badly to move on after mom’s passing. I needed to be strong and left the place that reminds me of her to start anew. So I flew to Singapore, packed with just faith.

Initially, I planned to stay here for just a visit. But when I arrived, I was in complete awe. I fell in love with the place. And so I decided to look for a job. Luckily, I got one.

Let me share my experience in getting the job. At first I thought it was easy to outwit other races in getting a job for our Pinoy skills generally. But I was wrong. Even if we think we have the edge, it is not enough reason to risk and leave our comfort zones especially if we have families to support. I've learned that companies strictly follow a certain number of foreigners to hire. And I think the government prioritizes their own residents in getting employment. So if a company reaches its quota for foreigners, even if you are very much qualified, no way you are getting in. So it is not that easy after all.

Before I got the job, I was grilled so badly with questions that were practically irrelevant. Mind you, it was a 3-page list of questions. (Sigh) In my entire career, I never had such an interview; I went through an excruciating process i.e. an exam (for 1hr) then a 3-hour one-on-one interview with a manager. It was really helluva. It didn’t end there. On my way home, I got another phone call. I thought that call was to tell me I’m hired. Not so fast sweetie, it was the supervisor asking me to spare some more of my time. So I told the supervisor on the phone to call me back as I am a few blocks away from home. It would be better to have a conversation. So when I reached home, she called back. Darn, it was again an hour and a half follow-up interview. Whew! Exhausting like hell. Believe me, I cried after that call. I cried not because of the questions but because of exhaustion. I was emotionally traumatized for a few days. I couldn’t get over the manager and supervisor who grilled me to death.

There is nothing else more I can do of what happened, but to surrender everything to Him. It may have been tough but after a few weeks, I got a call. I got in! Praise God. I couldn’t refuse because the company is well-known. I know I will be secured. Who am I to dwell on that little drama and refuse the offer right? And so I took the offer, and thankfully everything ended up well, nothing personal. I think it all goes to what they say “No Pain, No Gain.”

So if some of you guys are planning to try your luck on your own abroad, make sure that you’re well-prepared to accept consequences. Don’t just be financially ready but emotionally, psychologically, physically and mentally ready as well because not all battles are won that easy. Sabi nga nila, dadaan ka muna sa butas ng karayom. True enough.

Life abroad is not as easy as what I thought before. I always had the impression that Filipinos residing out of the country are very lucky and that they never run out of money. Now that I’m here, I defy that impression. Haha

I’ve been here for 7 months now and things have been so different. Sometimes, there are moments when I wish I could go back to the “simple” life I had back home. The happy life I had when my mom was still around. I know it will never be simple again without her.

Tomorrow is mother’s day and mom has gone. She had her last mother’s day celebration last year. Sad, but I still feel like it was just yesterday. It is really tough to lose someone closest to us. And it breaks my heart remembering her. Though I know she is happier where she is right now.

Happy Mother’s Day to you Mama and to all the mothers out there! May you continue to shape the minds of your children to become better persons. Godbless!

Hi friends! I'm back but not quite. I'll post details later because it's time for bed *winks*

It’s time for me to let you know

Why I’m so glad that I have you through all these years

I am so thankful

Now that I’ve grown up

I’ll always be

Thinking of all the things

You’ve taught me so

Always remember

I’ll be alright

I’ll be okay

I will be good and

Loving you all the way

All from the heart

These things I do

I’ll make you proud

Because I love you

I’ll be alright

I’ll be okay

I will be fine and

I will be good all the way

All from the heart

These things I do I’ll make you proud

Because I do

I love you so

I will stand tall

And try not to fall

As I reach all my goal

I will go on

And I will move on

All because of you,For you...

I’ll be alright

I’ll be okay

I will be good and

Loving you all the way

All from the heart

These things I doI’ll make you proud

Because I love you

I’ll be alright I’ll be okay

I will be fine and I will be good all the way

All from the heart

These things I do I’ll make you proud

Because I do I love you so

I love you so

I love you so I love you

A part of me is still struggling to move on after you left. I try so hard to live , even away from where I could remember everything. I will forever have this torn heart, torn of longing to see the most important person in my life ever again. I have my dreams coming to reality, yet I dont have you to share with. It pains me to see all of it on my own. I wish I have Hiro Nakamura's power, so I could turn back time and spend each moment with you in bliss. You still inspire me in my heart and mind. I know that you are looking after me. And I thank each night that I dream of you, because it's the only thing I could get closest to you. I miss you, mama.

Last Monday, I couldn’t sleep. Strange but I was up all night. And I felt like maybe my mom was with me trying to say something or maybe just looking at me in bed. Since her death, I always imagined the movie Ghost. I feel like she is always here keeping an eye on things.

I had the broken heart for the passed two weeks. I grieved terribly each day because there’s a part of me that blames myself for what happened. And I cant stop thinking about it. I drowned myself believing it was my fault. Though I did say sorry to mom a thousand times but it just aint enough because I wanna know that she accepted it. I know it was meant to happen but I still feel this certain emotional baggage that is blocking some airway in my heart telling, what if things were different. I had this feeling because I don’t want my siblings to think that I didn’t take good care of her. I gave up my comfort zone a few years ago so I can look after her. And I often tell my friends how I value my mom that I have to be with her each time. So it is really hard to move on.

Others say, dead people will eventually reappear in dreams. And I waited for it to happen until Monday night. I had the chance to really say how sorry I was. Mom accepted my apology and hugged me so tight I almost felt it was true. She squeezed me and cried really hard on each others’ shoulders. Oh how I miss that warm hug from her L I really miss her. From then on, I felt relieved. If I think of her now, I don’t feel the ache in my heart as I did before, only a bit. I can freely think of her in bliss. I’m happy of what had become. Mama, I will miss you forever in this world. I love you so much!

Lord, ayaw ko pa. Wag mo muna akong kunin kawawa ang anak ko magisa niya. These were the last few heartbreaking words my mom uttered during the time of her suffrage.

No word can console my great loss right now. Every second that my mind is unoccupied, I think of her. And I still cant believe that I lost the greatest person in my life.

Mama, I know that you are very proud of me. I hope that in the smallest way I could think of, I made you happy. I was unprepared of your trip to heaven but I know you are safe in your journey. I knew you fought hard to get back for me, but your purpose in this world is over. I prayed and asked God for an extension, but there wasn’t any. You hadn’t seen me settle and I knew it was all you wanted. But you knew my plans and will stick to it through His blessings. It still pains me that you were gone. You were not only a mom to me but the best of friend, teacher, great cook and a humbled person. I promise to keep the good traits you trained me. I will forever thank you for the wonderful things you taught me and forever cherish the moments we shared together for the last 3 years of your life. I love you so much and I am missing you every second of each day, thank you and until we meet again.

She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I crossed the line,
I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would
Become the friend I never had

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,
Mama I love you,
Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend

I didn't want to hear it then but
I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
About the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All that you did was love,
Mama I love you,
Mama I care,
Mama I love you,
Mama my friend,
My friend

But now I'm sure I know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All I can give you is love,
Mama I love you,
Mama I care,
Mama I love you,
Mama my friend,
My friend
Mama I love you,
Mama I care,
Mama I love you,
Mama my friend,
You're my friend

To all of you, I no longer have a parent alive. I hope that this will serve as an inspiration for you to spend each moment with your parents while you can hug them warmly, while you can say sorry, and i love you. For when the time comes, when they are gone, only in dreams will each longing be filled.

Hi, I feel like ages since the last time I posted something here. I have been caught up in a lot of personal errands for the couple of months. And, I never really had a break for myself since I got back. When the hiatus Taiwan earthquake disrupted internet connection day after Christmas, I shoved off the papers and see what I can possibly do to get extra money for the lost hours I had at work. Luckily, I found one which up to now is helping me reach my goal.

You know what, this year welcomed me with one of the shocking gossip I have ever heard about me in my entire life. The source leaked a very unreliable information about me spreading rumor that I am pregnant. Yes, you read it right. And my, I was at the brink of anger when the news came to me. Apparently, I was really mad. But then eventually, when I calmed myself down I laughed my ass off. What on earth is that person thinking to spread such? Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Gosh, I never thought I would be hell popular here haha and so I told my boyfriend that once and for all I wanna answer whatever hypothesis they have and set up a press conference. LOL one more thing that made me really think was, damn am I that fat already? Haha. Anyway, whatever these people are thinking I know the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. Hehe. The good thing about being a victim of stuffs like this, I get the good karma. Now, I am one step up my job *winks*

So what is it about me lately? Hmm, if I am not working, the only thing that really keeps me out of stress is of course watching TiVo series. I am such a junkie. And Prison Break is on my hotlist right now (daydreams Michael Scofield) I am so hooked that I think I have influenced everyone here at home to join my madness hehe or maybe they just don’t have a choice.

Anyway, my mind is all mixed up right now. But I just wanna let you know that I am still doing pretty good and able to manage everything despite some shortcomings. But! Just to make it perfectly clear, I aint pregnant. hihi

This is going to be a tough year for me. I am not used to counting my age but knowing it is 2007, whew the big 30 is three years away. So I am preparing myself for the future. I know for certain that He is always there to guide me.

This is it for now. What about you, how have you been?

Happy Holidays! Wow, it seems that time is really getting away from me as quickly as it can. Last year, I spent Christmas and New Year in Manila with just my mom, sister and niece. It was not as fun-filled as my holidays today. I have my brother and his family who came to celebrate Christmas with us. It was great! And my, I really get to splurge on a lot of strawberries, free strawberries fresh from the garden. Yum yum! And I am grateful that I see my mom happy here. I could not compare how glad she is that we are finally back. Except that we miss some of the Manila easy-life thingy such as having everything delivered. Here, we have to manually carry water refills and LPG gas. Yeah, real pain. Sigh, we are getting used to that setup. Eventually, we will master it! haha

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However, not all Christmas is merry I guess. My high school friend’s boyfriend died last week. He died of cancer where symptoms came late. It is an awful thing to celebrate the holidays. And what sucks more is that they had plans of getting married this January. It really saddened me to know those details. He was a good person, no vices, just plain good. Then she started to advise me of things I should be mindful of. It gets me into thinking. It scares me to make plans. I know everything is in His hands but then again, I cannot be confident to assure things would fall accordingly. And so I pray each time that He would always lead us to the path He wants us to, together I hope.

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Ok, on the other hand, I kept myself busy watching a lot of movies during my off. By the way, it is my first time in 3 years to spend Christmas without work. Wohoo! Cheers! Hehe. Advisory: These are just opinions I have about the movies. Here are the lists:

Step Up: I am a fanatic when it comes to dancing. This is a super fun movie for me. Plus, the lead actor looks like my cutie nephew. Hihi. I loved their dance moves and the music. Reminds me of my high school days J

Happy Feet: The people behind this movie must be on his/her gravest hallucination to come up with such a penguin world. LOL. But then it was cute.

You, Me and Dupree: Funny flick. I can never imagine a married life living with a crazy person. haha!

John Tucker Must Die: A movie about girls who would like to get even to a guy who just dumped them. It is a very Western-ish movie.

World Trade Center: I expected too much on this movie. I think the news on TiVo is far more concrete than the information depicted on this. Yeah, it is tragic but I remember John McLaughlin (starred by Nicolas Cage) is not actually a white but a black man. So how can it be credible when the people behind this movie based the information from McLaughlin and Jimena? These are the two people, 2 out of 20 survivors from the 2749 deaths L The movie was made when the real John McLaughlin appeared 2 years after the tragedy. So where did they get the information? How did they create an identity that is wrong? I mean not wrong per se but you know, it will get you curious. They should have gathered more than rush. Hmm, it really gets me into thinking. Till next post, happy holidays everyone!

I have been contemplating on a lot of things lately, things that have an enormous impact in my life now and the future. I wish that it is easy to just iron out the wrinkled edges of life but I simply cannot, because it is not perfect at all. There are flaws I cannot rule out and I get it. I am not worrying like hell because I know that He is with me. He is like my supervisor approving the things I do on earth then He signs it officially. The latest approval He made for me was my getting back here. And I am grateful that He sees how good my intentions are. Yet, like I said, imperfections are inescapable. It may not come from me but from others who surrounds me.

Rough roads shake me but hey, it actually helps me redirect things and really think a lot. Without these humps, I will never see the other side. And I am glad that I have seen it coming right before things is officially signed by Him.

Many times I wanted to outrun pain, but given the life stains each of us has, I think it is given to be hurt. Truly, a provocative person spins me. No matter how peaceful I live my life, it still would not work because of imperfections. It tires me at times but then I have to understand that I need it to make me feel stronger and experienced. It sucks that negativities help us earn the experience. This is one oddity of life that is based on truth.

Somehow I manage to balance pain and happiness at the same time. A true sense of being is to adapt oneself in both sides of the world. And so I make the best of both worlds for when time comes, I will have stories to tell my children about living in pain and in happiness at once.

It has been 2 weeks and my I am having the best and worst times of my life here. Best because I dont have to fret about the weather all the time. I get to sleep not worrying about the electricity bills that eats up my buck. I spend my time with loved ones. I get to see my old friends and eat the food I so missed.

Now the worst part is that I am having a mini drama once in a while in my life. Drama that Rona thought would only happen in movies. Oh well, life aint perfect. But I am still good. I dont let myself torn by it. Anyhow, it is still a blast!

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Hey pops, it has been 6 years since you had been gone. And I still feel like you passed just yesterday. I miss you always and that I know you see me from above happy with what I am. You have disciplined me the way you wanted a daughter to be accomplished. Mom and I are just the two left. We have some struggles but I still am keeping up. I am taking care of her. I sure know you see that. I really miss you. See you someday. I love you!

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DONT FADE AWAY

(And) I've been waiting here for you
Waiting for a sign from you
I feel very cold
That I can't smile no more

Your voice doesn't sound so clear

I don't think it's fair
Your dreams disappeared
I hope you'll be alright
We hope you'll be alright

Chorus:
(Father) Don't fade away from me
For you will always be
My sweetest memory
A friend so dear to me ...

And I don't mean to sound so sad
But if you only knew, I miss you so bad
I won't forget your life
We won't forget your life

Bridge:
I know it's gonna take time
But you will never be off my mind, oh no
I sit here crying many tears
But I wish you were still here

Public advisory:

This is to inform all of my concerned friends that I am not yet getting married. Hehehe, the purpose of my moving back to Baguio is far from tying the knot. I moved because of reasons that do not only favor me. Primarily, I am only saving just a little of what I earn while I was there. No matter how thrifty I get, I just cant outrun the costs of living. Secondly, my nephew is a CHED scholar which is only accredited in the Cordillera Region. Third, the weather here is one of the best catch greatly envied by you. Fourth, in cases where my mom gets sick, I have my brother who could help me look after her. Plus, we get to eat fresh veggies and fruits at a very friendly-cost. There is a lot more to say but generally, I just love it here.

Now, with regards to getting married, its not on the primary lists. Hehe. I am not the only one who decides on this. Yeah, evidently we are both here. But since I am the girl, all I could do is just WAITING. Hahaha. It will just come naturally I suppose. So my dear friends keep the fire burning. If it stops, light it again. Hahaha. Let us enjoy life!