July 01, 2005

friday sickness...

i heard this little girl asking for permission to absent on her class today. she was telling her dad that she gets colds in school. hehehe. nice trick! whilst her brother said that she may be allowed to miss school, but should not watch the television. clever huh! sigh...even kids get tired of their daily routine. more so to us, working. good thing i filed a leave today.

weird but i feel uber sensitive today. no matter how much i ignore things around me, there are still instances that they kind of bug me which is terribly irritating. im not sure if im talking sensible but im getting worn-out doing nothing. and this makes me go gaga thinking of nonsense situations.

i must admit, im choosy with friends. and its pretty obvious if i like a person or not. my transformation had brought me to boundaries i never expected. i used to be a slave of kindness and generosity to my friends. i didnt know how to say NO to 'em. until one day, i felt so betrayed. this was because of such a pety issue i.e. why daw do i buy expensive clothes. duh! its not something i wanted. i was brought up by my siblings to have what i want as long as they can give me. see, that pety! whats sad is that all of my friends were applauding on that nonsense issue. its terrible. everytime my sister is out of town, i used to invite 'em over to our place and made use of our 2 phone lines, watched til our eyes dropped, etc. only to find out that they were stabbing me at my back. and you know what's worse? they all went to my school to confront me that i had been telling bad things about them. mind you, i was having my midterms then. its funny that these were all fault of one friend who came on meeting me and them. she was the total wrecker. hehehe. the sad thing about having a bunch of friends and you happen to be absent, you'll be the talk. sigh

i cried for them. really, i did. i defended them over my sister but it was not worth it. i felt so alone after the incident. it took me months to recover. i was thankful that my family had been very supportive. i was wrong for choosing them over my loved ones. from then, i stood up. i am now the transformation. i cannot blame myself for being so blunt at times to other people. i have given up a little bit of pity. though i dont have regrets cause i have learned a lot from it and i was crafted to be a stronger person.

just like now, im kind of pissed off to some people. they irritate me so much but im holding on to my temper. i have done my part. im here to work and nothing else matter. i may sound selfish but i have been through a lot in my life. as long as im not touched, i wont budge.