June 22, 2008

Photobucket June 21. I was completely oblivious of the date yesterday. I got caught up with my errands when I realized that it was yesterday, one year ago, when I lost the greatest person in my life.

I am now a year-old orphan. I think the thought of forgetting it yesterday wasn't so bad after all. I guess it just meant that I have moved on. Though I know in my heart that I will never ever forget my mom.

She still inspires me everyday. I am reminded of her each time I feel so weary about life. There are moments when I feel like giving up. I feel as if life has no more purpose especially without the people we love.

I remember the priest's sermon yesterday was about fear of death. I think many of us fear death. But for an orphan like me, I'm not afraid to die. Since I lost my parents, there are times when I feel like waiting for my death because I can't wait to see them again. When I lost mama, I always count each day, calculate each year hoping when I'd see her again. Sometimes I wonder, will they (mama and papa) ever recognize me when my time comes? I always detest what the elders traditionally say that when people die, they will "no longer see their families after life as their own but will all be brothers and sisters in the eyes of God." No, I want to see them the way they did while they were on earth. I know it is crazy but the attachment I had with my parents especially with my mom is incomparable. No money can buy the bond I had with her. She was my best friend and teacher.

Despite my great loss, I know that they are always there to guard me spiritually. Death has not separated me from everything they had taught me. What I have become is what they would have wanted me to be.

In memory of my beloved mama, I love you so much and miss you in a heartbeat!