It’s time for me to let you know

Why I’m so glad that I have you through all these years

I am so thankful

Now that I’ve grown up

I’ll always be

Thinking of all the things

You’ve taught me so

Always remember

I’ll be alright

I’ll be okay

I will be good and

Loving you all the way

All from the heart

These things I do

I’ll make you proud

Because I love you

I’ll be alright

I’ll be okay

I will be fine and

I will be good all the way

All from the heart

These things I do I’ll make you proud

Because I do

I love you so

I will stand tall

And try not to fall

As I reach all my goal

I will go on

And I will move on

All because of you,For you...

I’ll be alright

I’ll be okay

I will be good and

Loving you all the way

All from the heart

These things I doI’ll make you proud

Because I love you

I’ll be alright I’ll be okay

I will be fine and I will be good all the way

All from the heart

These things I do I’ll make you proud

Because I do I love you so

I love you so

I love you so I love you

A part of me is still struggling to move on after you left. I try so hard to live , even away from where I could remember everything. I will forever have this torn heart, torn of longing to see the most important person in my life ever again. I have my dreams coming to reality, yet I dont have you to share with. It pains me to see all of it on my own. I wish I have Hiro Nakamura's power, so I could turn back time and spend each moment with you in bliss. You still inspire me in my heart and mind. I know that you are looking after me. And I thank each night that I dream of you, because it's the only thing I could get closest to you. I miss you, mama.

Last Monday, I couldn’t sleep. Strange but I was up all night. And I felt like maybe my mom was with me trying to say something or maybe just looking at me in bed. Since her death, I always imagined the movie Ghost. I feel like she is always here keeping an eye on things.

I had the broken heart for the passed two weeks. I grieved terribly each day because there’s a part of me that blames myself for what happened. And I cant stop thinking about it. I drowned myself believing it was my fault. Though I did say sorry to mom a thousand times but it just aint enough because I wanna know that she accepted it. I know it was meant to happen but I still feel this certain emotional baggage that is blocking some airway in my heart telling, what if things were different. I had this feeling because I don’t want my siblings to think that I didn’t take good care of her. I gave up my comfort zone a few years ago so I can look after her. And I often tell my friends how I value my mom that I have to be with her each time. So it is really hard to move on.

Others say, dead people will eventually reappear in dreams. And I waited for it to happen until Monday night. I had the chance to really say how sorry I was. Mom accepted my apology and hugged me so tight I almost felt it was true. She squeezed me and cried really hard on each others’ shoulders. Oh how I miss that warm hug from her L I really miss her. From then on, I felt relieved. If I think of her now, I don’t feel the ache in my heart as I did before, only a bit. I can freely think of her in bliss. I’m happy of what had become. Mama, I will miss you forever in this world. I love you so much!

Lord, ayaw ko pa. Wag mo muna akong kunin kawawa ang anak ko magisa niya. These were the last few heartbreaking words my mom uttered during the time of her suffrage.

No word can console my great loss right now. Every second that my mind is unoccupied, I think of her. And I still cant believe that I lost the greatest person in my life.

Mama, I know that you are very proud of me. I hope that in the smallest way I could think of, I made you happy. I was unprepared of your trip to heaven but I know you are safe in your journey. I knew you fought hard to get back for me, but your purpose in this world is over. I prayed and asked God for an extension, but there wasn’t any. You hadn’t seen me settle and I knew it was all you wanted. But you knew my plans and will stick to it through His blessings. It still pains me that you were gone. You were not only a mom to me but the best of friend, teacher, great cook and a humbled person. I promise to keep the good traits you trained me. I will forever thank you for the wonderful things you taught me and forever cherish the moments we shared together for the last 3 years of your life. I love you so much and I am missing you every second of each day, thank you and until we meet again.

She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I crossed the line,
I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would
Become the friend I never had

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,
Mama I love you,
Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend

I didn't want to hear it then but
I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
About the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All that you did was love,
Mama I love you,
Mama I care,
Mama I love you,
Mama my friend,
My friend

But now I'm sure I know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All I can give you is love,
Mama I love you,
Mama I care,
Mama I love you,
Mama my friend,
My friend
Mama I love you,
Mama I care,
Mama I love you,
Mama my friend,
You're my friend

To all of you, I no longer have a parent alive. I hope that this will serve as an inspiration for you to spend each moment with your parents while you can hug them warmly, while you can say sorry, and i love you. For when the time comes, when they are gone, only in dreams will each longing be filled.

Hi, I feel like ages since the last time I posted something here. I have been caught up in a lot of personal errands for the couple of months. And, I never really had a break for myself since I got back. When the hiatus Taiwan earthquake disrupted internet connection day after Christmas, I shoved off the papers and see what I can possibly do to get extra money for the lost hours I had at work. Luckily, I found one which up to now is helping me reach my goal.

You know what, this year welcomed me with one of the shocking gossip I have ever heard about me in my entire life. The source leaked a very unreliable information about me spreading rumor that I am pregnant. Yes, you read it right. And my, I was at the brink of anger when the news came to me. Apparently, I was really mad. But then eventually, when I calmed myself down I laughed my ass off. What on earth is that person thinking to spread such? Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Gosh, I never thought I would be hell popular here haha and so I told my boyfriend that once and for all I wanna answer whatever hypothesis they have and set up a press conference. LOL one more thing that made me really think was, damn am I that fat already? Haha. Anyway, whatever these people are thinking I know the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. Hehe. The good thing about being a victim of stuffs like this, I get the good karma. Now, I am one step up my job *winks*

So what is it about me lately? Hmm, if I am not working, the only thing that really keeps me out of stress is of course watching TiVo series. I am such a junkie. And Prison Break is on my hotlist right now (daydreams Michael Scofield) I am so hooked that I think I have influenced everyone here at home to join my madness hehe or maybe they just don’t have a choice.

Anyway, my mind is all mixed up right now. But I just wanna let you know that I am still doing pretty good and able to manage everything despite some shortcomings. But! Just to make it perfectly clear, I aint pregnant. hihi

This is going to be a tough year for me. I am not used to counting my age but knowing it is 2007, whew the big 30 is three years away. So I am preparing myself for the future. I know for certain that He is always there to guide me.

This is it for now. What about you, how have you been?