My, I didn’t notice how time flies. It has been July. When I woke up this morning I didn’t notice the tears. I didn’t want the dream to end because I felt complete. It was so real. I was talking happily to my dad in my sleep. I felt him close to me. His face oh so real I wish I could hug him. I feel like I am at lost for the first time. It has been 6 years since he passed away but the agony of longing to see him and talk with him will never happen in this lifetime. I feel sorry that he didn’t see what have become of me. He must have been proud. Amongst the children he has, I can say I am his girl. Oh, I just miss you my dear dad. Advance Happy Birthday. I love you and I truly miss you. I will see you in my second life.

I cried myself to sleep the other day for reasons I cannot tell you. Crying had been my outlet every time I feel down. And I prayed to Him to guide me. In my sleep I dreamt of a young white/beige horse playing cheerfully with me in a garden. I am not so much into astrology but just a brief interpretation on my dream, here is what I have found:

Horse: To dream about horses generally is associated with big earnings and will enjoy prosperous and happy life.

Young: Vigor. Freshness. Need for experience and understanding.

White: People feel they can rely on you. You have an abundance of energy and vitality.
Beige: Everything related with this color denotes neutrality and detachment. There is absence of communication.

Garden: Big happiness. Inner self .Suitable time to pursue love affairs.

Ref: http://www.petrix.com/dreams/index.html

There you have it. It seems that the reason for my crying is miscommunication. Other than that, everything looks pretty well the same as what is happening. Well, I have to think positively for this.

Rest day is the next big thing for now! hehehe

MI - 3 :This movie to be honest with you is not something that I would like to see over and over again. It is all about the stunts of Tom Cruise. But anyhow, good enough to see it in a big screen especially on a digital surround. Hehehe

XMEN 3:Sigh, another wasted project. I expected so much about this movie. I have waited for 3 years since the showing of sequel 2 but unfortunately, my expectations failed. From beginning to end I didn’t like how it was created. If only I could create my own story out of it. Really, it is not how I imagined it to happen. Tsk, I wish it was not yet the last stand. Jean Gray coming back as the Phoenix became the villain. She killed Cyclops and Professor X on the very first part of the movie. Mystique had been out, too. She was healed by the medicine created by Archangel’s father. I didn’t even feel Archangel’s presence. Tsk, favorite movie gone bad.

The DA VINCI CODE:What can I say? It was like reading the illustrated version of the book. Funny how people or should I say the church reacted about this. I mean, I myself am a worshipper of God. But having seen this movie wouldn’t change what you have grown to believe in just a snap. May it be true or not, it will make you think how incredible for Dan Brown to have thought or imagined such an idea. Watching this movie doesn’t mean betrayal. This is just my point of view. You are entitled to your own. Apparently, it may cause a great impact or shock you but then again, you would still think, nah just a fiction. Prima, watch it! LOL

THE LAKE HOUSE:I have always loved seeing Sandra and Keanu together. But this time, I didn’t feel what everybody felt while watching the movie. It was an adaptation but the plot wasn’t that romantic for me. I find My Sassy Girl far more romantic than this. I did not feel the connection of the characters in their exchange of letters. It was not enough to make their audience swoon.

Oh well, till next post. Ciao!

It has been June and I havent posted anything. Honestly, so much have been up to me right now. There have been changes, pains, happiness and what not. I feel swamped. I am flooded with a lot of arguments in my life, questions of how to handle tough situations in the nick of time. I didnt want to lay this information (in details) to you guys because I dont want circus. (naks, drama mode)

Sometimes I envy others like my age that can freely do what they want without minding other people. They can selfishly spend what they earn for things they want. I feel so ancient. At times when problems pour, I feel like I am too old to even live through it. I am not complaining but there are moments when I wish I could enjoy solitude. Of course, I sure know that it is bad to resent. But I feel like I have forgotten myself. What I have been doing is see how others, if they are ok, or if they need something. When would I feel taken care of? When would I feel like I am treated more than I treat them? Well I guess, this is how it is like to be a bread winner. I support my mom, is that enough explanation? Hehehe.

I realized that I am also weak in some areas where people think I am capable of fighting. There are instances when I feel like I wanna quit or turn my back on things. But no matter how much I try to deny it to myself, the truth will always be true. What I am sharing here may be fuzzy to you but heck I am throttled. I need to have some outlet for it. I get tired. And I feel like I have the world on my shoulders. Can somebody carry it for me, please? :(

Happy 3 joyous and rough years together!May 23, 2006

After the violent post I had a few weeks ago, it felt like a lot had happened. Cleaning the entire place was my way of getting rid of whatever bad vibes left of the people I did not mean to harm nor had shown bitterness. I still felt sorry if they felt aggravated for being voted out of the house. All I ever wanted is peace and harmony. But no matter how sensitive and compassionate I am for others feelings, I still get the worse responses. I was badly provoked by acts of disrespect. So the doomsday had come, and you just have to say bye-bye. Well, it feels good to finally be home. We finally did some touches in the house and made it feel like a real home.

Anyway, God really provides. I could not be happier than learning that I was given a full time hours at work. It felt really good that I can finally start anew. So many things in mind undone.

My bad, I still wanna share more but I am really so darn sleepy.

I am back from my long and winding vacation. I had a blast!

I got the chance to visit La Union, where Archie was born. Mom, Riza and I were invited to spend Holy Thursday and Good Friday in the province. I missed going to the beach. It feels good to see the waters especially during summer. It was fun out there. I did my floating skills (thanks to Jane) and swimming my best like I have never swam before. Hehehe. Poor Archie and Riza, all they could do was to watch me. Aaaww!

In spite this enjoyment, there were also some revelations. A fact will always be a fact. I want to believe that my relationship is perfect. But no matter how I want to insist, nothing and nobody in this world is perfect. We cant do anything but accept whatever He has to offer. After all, it is only Him who has the power to run our lives. I know it is not proper to question Him but sometimes we want to know the reason. I hope I would know soon.

***

When I arrived, bills on my doorstep welcomed me. Hay! So many bills but so little money to pay. I need to work double time to pay all of these. Geez, is it not nice to sleep and then wake up wishing everything is gone and start all over again? Wish! Lets just laugh it all out loud instead.

Yesterday was great. Archie came to visit with her mom and two more aunts. What a lovely feeling to know that our families get along really well. The elders started calling each other in-laws terms. It is flattering but not too soon. I mean, there are times that I wish to settle down. But often times, a lot of things are still to be done professionally. Archie is going back to school. And I plan to further my studies hopefully next year as well.

Right now, I badly want to go back to school. Yeah sure I get to change my decisions once in a while due to stability in general. But my calling tells me to go back to school. I want to fulfill this kind of calling. Last week, mom told me the same idea, that she wants me back to school. Sad but she said that it seems I am not enriching my knowledge. I just shrugged but it hurts to know the truth. Ever since I worked in a call center my zest to learning and discovering a lot of things had stopped. I got stuck in what I know.

After the release of the BAR exams, two of my high school friends passed. Good for them. Later I realized that my life doesn’t seem to have a sense of direction. I work and that’s it. I don’t wanna stop there though. I wanna do more. I wish to learn to be content but knowing that life is short, atleast I wanna fulfill my dreams as long as God can make it come true for me. For the weeks that had passed, I understood what patience is all about. Risks should be taken as a leap of faith. I don’t want to envy others because nothing good would it give me. All I need to do is to work really hard so I could fulfill my dreams. So many things but so little time in this world.

***
Baguio here I come. One more day and up we go to my second home. I am hoping that I would really enjoy my trip, my chance to really splurge before work. Thank you God for giving me this life. It is not easy but neither hard to handle.

Blogger was on maintenance yesterday that I wasn’t able to post this right away. Even if the momentum (of boredom) had been gone, I'll post it anyway. hehehe

***

This is one lazy and humid Saturday afternoon. My mom and niece are lying down the floor wanting to feel a bit of coldness from the tiles while listening to music I play. This is a typical afternoon for people who are not that preoccupied like me. Hehehe. Our neighbors had cut down a few branches of the trees in our compound which made it feel warmer seeing the bright rays of the sun. tsk, it is undeniably summer.

A week and a half ago, I was feeling terribly lonely. I got bored waiting for good news from work. I cried not only because of it but also for knowing that Archie got the job in Baguio. Meaning, he will be staying there and I’m stuck here waiting for work. I felt so left behind. But right now, the loneliness was traded with joy, happiness for knowing that training camp is about to start. Apparently, I was kind of sad thinking that I wont be able to join mom and niece on their trip to Baguio. But later, an email blast was sent advising that the training camp was rescheduled after holy week. Great news! I am so delighted. I feel like going home to Baguio for the first time. I just miss my life there. I swear, no matter where I am or will be Baguio will always be my home. I cant wait!

I was chatting with Prima online and offered her to join me eat pearl shakes:

Abi: kain tayo pearl shakes
Prima: pearl shake?
Prima: nako tataba ka dyan
Prima: tigilan mo yan
Abi: d nga?
Abi: nakakataba ba?
Abi: hehehe
Abi: halos araw-araw umiinom ako ng ganito if not halo-halo
Prima: asukal kaya yan!
Abi: hihihi
Abi: sarap eh
Prima: hhehehheh
Abi: malamig
Abi: cno ba nag-imbento kasi nito
Abi: o ng asukal
Abi: hehehe
Prima: hhhahahha
Abi: hehehehe

How ironic that people invent things that harm people as well. Hehehe. The thing is, I am so freakin bored. My post doesn’t make sense! Hahaha. Chill!

***

Since I havent been doing much lately, I have all the time in the world to update my blog, add testimonial to friends in my friendster, surf, and watch movies. I had been watching series of movies that I missed on the big screen.

The last movie that I watched in the theater was Proof, a low-budgeted film starred by Gwyneth Paltrow. Of all movies to watch, Archie and I were so unfortunate to have watched it. It was not worth watching. Let me have a quick recall what other movies I watched:

Brokeback Mountain: I watched this with my ASC friends a few days before I left Sykes. This movie is really controversial. And I was never as astonished as when I watched it myself. I had already heard a lot of critiques about it and was never really interested until I watched it. Gosh, I had never imagined that it was actually an adaptation to reality. At some point, I lost interest with sex. The movie is critically-acclaimed, but acceptance to it had not sunk-in just yet for a few days in my mind. Maybe I am exaggerating my opinion but the way it was made really was not how I have pictured it. Overall, it was a movie depicting how the present generation exists.

Crash: This is not a must-see movie. Thank God I did not have to waste money watching it on the big screen. Too many characters made it look so messy. The scene for every actor is too short to even interpret the story. I did not personally like it. One thing more, the movie ad has Sandra Bullock’s face the biggest when in fact her appearance is not that much as the rest. They say in advertising that if an actor’s face is big, it means he/she is being paid much. In this movie, it obviously does not apply. Actually, I did not even see who the main actor was.

Chicken Little: Nice and light movie to watch.

KingKong: I cried when I watched. It was heart-melting. The movie is great and personally, I think it is better than Jurassic Park. If I had watched it in the big screen, maybe I would have screamed a lot. I liked the thrilling part especially the dinosaur scenes.

The Prince and Me: Yep, this movie is not new but mind you, I watch it over and over again. I like it so much. The good thing about this movie was that from beginning to end, they were meant for each other. Everything fell into place. There was no conflict nor a third party involved. I love Luke Mably!

God Must be Crazy: This is forever a must-see movie for me! It gives a genuine and classic laughter. If I wanna de-stress, this is the movie to watch! Hehehe

Later, I am gonna watch Wedding Crashers. By the way, I bought tickets for our trip to Baguio. Yey! I know, it is not Bora, Galera, Palawan or any other place. But Baguio will always be the best place in the world for me. Ciao!

Hola, I attended the recognition day of my niece. She is graduating from high school. It was my mom who brought her up. She was only 11 months old when my sister left her for abroad. Then, the rest is history. Technically, she is like my younger sister. But what makes me disagree to what I just said is that, we clash almost everytime. We were born on the same day at opposite times. I was born 11am while she was delivered 11pm of Sept 26. Of course, on separate years, 8 years to be exact.

Going back to the recognition day, I was there to be her representative to hang her medal for being a student achiever. On our way to the stage, I was called by the emcee as her mother. Whoa! If only I could grab the emcee’s mic to object that I am not the mother. And I strongly disagree if I look like a mom of a 4th year high school. Tsk!

What were so funny about this occasion were the technical difficulties encountered. I can very well recall during my times when unavoidable circumstances happen on live events. A common example would be, when the music is messed up; no sound on the mic; the echoing noise of the sound system; etc. very basic trouble that usually happens on times you badly need it. These things happen to almost every occasion. Pathetic, huh

My last year in high school is one hell of a memory for me. This was the only and most important year. Only because this was the sole time that I did not get any merit in my entire school life since the first time I attended. Important because this was the last time I had spent the 4 years of my growing up years with friends. I did not know how to tell my family that I was not part of the honor roll. My dad had always been my partner on stage. So he casually told me dating gawi cause every end of school year, he was with me on the stage. But sad, I failed on that year.

I blame this failure to my tour in HongKong. Yes, I went to HongKong and stayed there for almost a month. In exchange of fun, I was out of the honor roll. No matter how regretful I was, it already happened. I can never change it no matter how much I strive. It was one failure I will never forget. Sometimes, there are just but things that we badly want but cant simply have it.

Later.

It is 12:05 in the morning. I just got home. I dropped off Archie from the terminal to Baguio. Yeah, he is going home for an interview. I hope he gets the job. Anyway, on our way back home, my niece left my fan on the taxi. I felt terribly bad. Archie gave that fan to me. Tsk. I just hate it when I lost things that are given to me especially coming from the one I love. I know I am being shallow but hey, I value it so much L even if I cry a bucket of tears I wont have it again. So I will just sleep it over hoping that I get over it. sigh

***

Another day is over. All along I thought it is already Wednesday but I am wrong, it is only Tuesday. I feel each day is dragging me. I get crazier each day out of boredom. If you are not so occupied, your mind can think of almost everything and anything under the sun. And then I end up pitying myself. This is a typical Libran attitude, the tendency to have self-pity.

My prince got the job in Baguio. Good for him. I am so happy and proud. Well, this is whatcha-ma-call-it gulong ng palad. Minsan nasa itaas ka, minsan nasa ibaba. In our case, dati nasa itaas ako for having a job at my own comfort. But now, things turned out the other way around. Hahaha!

Hay! I am sounding stupid (er) each day. Tama na, magiwan naman ako ng konting katinuhan para bukas. Hehehe